carpenter672
Sep 3, 2012, 04:21 PM
Hello, I imagine this is like many other situations out there, and it is similar to many I have read about.
Anyway my situation is my girlfriend and I have been dating for just over 9 months. Some background info on her is she is strongly independent, because she has been through a bunch of bad relationships, comes from a broken home, and her last relationship lasted 6 years. They had everything together, a house, vehicles, and even a little girl. (she had troubles with some guys walking away from dates because she was a single parent, and I had no problem with her having a kid. The kid is very attached to me) Some info on me is, I have tried the online dating thing with no success. I have had only 1 other relationship which lasted 3 months. I had completley given up on finding 'the one' and was happy with my single life. I knew her before, but had no intentions on dating her, but she came out of no where, and asked to hang out. I agreed, and sure enough she was perfect, and it lead to love. She completley changed my opinion on being with someone, and she constantly told me that I had changed her opinion on love, she wanted to be in my arms forever, and that now after finding me, she could see herself getting married. We truly had a great relationship.
As many people do, we had a few small arguments; only because we came from different backgrounds, and were two different people learning how to work as one couple. Personally I don't feel small arguments are a big deal, its just two opinions and we should meet in the middle somewhere. We never had a huge long angry fight, it was only just an evening or weekend disagreement, where in the end we made up and love was good again.
Well apparently the few small arguments have now made her question her commitment to me, and last week she broke up with me over text. I never saw it coming, just 4 days before that we were driving in my truck and she was looking at me and singing a country love song to me. She went to go visit friends in a different province, and broke up with me over text (monday). Naturally I fought this, called her and questioned why? How? What happened?
I convinced her to let me see her the other day to talk (friday), and she said she made up her mind, that we are breaking up, admitted that she was probably making a huge mistake, that I can still give her everything she is looking for in a partner, but feels we lost the spark.
I came prepared, throughout the week I had worked on a letter expressing my feelings for her, my wants and wishes for us in the future. The letter also reminised on our past experiences, wants and wishes she had expressed to me, as well as a poem that she had once written on finding love. The evening didn't turn out how I had planned, I thought we could work it out and get back together, but she was strong and said it will not workout, she needs time to think, that we are done, she is unsure if we can work it out, and that me seeing her is making the decision even harder.
I know her too well, and I know she didn't cheat on me, but she has been stressed out with work, and her family issues. I also strongly feel that at the moment she doesn't have a guy she is hoping to go to, she is just confused and upset and wants time. But didn't know how much time she needed.
I am unsure if I should move on, if I should wait for her, give her a few weeks and ask to talk again. Anyway I know I made her upset by pushing hard for some information, but what I needed to know was does she feel anything for me? And if we could then hang out as friends. So she will always care for me, and feels strongly that we will not get back together. But yes, we would be able to hang out as friends. I asked if she would like to do something in 2 weeks. She asked why that date, I said I am busy with work this upcoming weekend, and I chose that date because I am not working that weekend, But if you would like to do something sooner, I will always make time for you. She said she would let me know if that date worked.
I cannot move on until I know that we are completley done, and there is no hope for us to get back together. I will give her space and not talk to her (unless she wants to talk to me) until the Wednesday before I planned to hang out (1.5 weeks of no communication from me)
So my questions are:
1- is there hope for this relationship? She is acting and sounding unceritan herself if she wants to truly break up. (she said she might be making a mistake)
2- if she agrees to us hanging out, what should I do? I want to show her a good time, and that I am as carefree as when I first met her. I do not want to sit there and drink and talk because obviously I will keep bringing up our relationship. Our first date was playing pool, it was really fun. I would love to do that again, but fear that if I bring her there to the spot we first dated it would be seen as a bad sign. Is it a bad idea? If I were to watch a movie, I would want to cuddle - a bad idea I think. I also have a few other ideas like a day of golf, or a motorcycle ride and supper. What should I do which wouldn't be taken as me trying to make it a 'date' setting?
3-Originally she said yes to hanging out, but if she decides that the 2 weeks hasn't been long enough should I even try for a different time?
4-What else can I do to show her that I am there for her? We have had so many great times. And I have been there for her in so many of her difficult times I find it hard that she can forget that. Is there anything I can do to rekindle that spark she is forgetting about? Especially because she admits I have everything she is looking for, but lost the spark. Where do I go from here?
Anyway my situation is my girlfriend and I have been dating for just over 9 months. Some background info on her is she is strongly independent, because she has been through a bunch of bad relationships, comes from a broken home, and her last relationship lasted 6 years. They had everything together, a house, vehicles, and even a little girl. (she had troubles with some guys walking away from dates because she was a single parent, and I had no problem with her having a kid. The kid is very attached to me) Some info on me is, I have tried the online dating thing with no success. I have had only 1 other relationship which lasted 3 months. I had completley given up on finding 'the one' and was happy with my single life. I knew her before, but had no intentions on dating her, but she came out of no where, and asked to hang out. I agreed, and sure enough she was perfect, and it lead to love. She completley changed my opinion on being with someone, and she constantly told me that I had changed her opinion on love, she wanted to be in my arms forever, and that now after finding me, she could see herself getting married. We truly had a great relationship.
As many people do, we had a few small arguments; only because we came from different backgrounds, and were two different people learning how to work as one couple. Personally I don't feel small arguments are a big deal, its just two opinions and we should meet in the middle somewhere. We never had a huge long angry fight, it was only just an evening or weekend disagreement, where in the end we made up and love was good again.
Well apparently the few small arguments have now made her question her commitment to me, and last week she broke up with me over text. I never saw it coming, just 4 days before that we were driving in my truck and she was looking at me and singing a country love song to me. She went to go visit friends in a different province, and broke up with me over text (monday). Naturally I fought this, called her and questioned why? How? What happened?
I convinced her to let me see her the other day to talk (friday), and she said she made up her mind, that we are breaking up, admitted that she was probably making a huge mistake, that I can still give her everything she is looking for in a partner, but feels we lost the spark.
I came prepared, throughout the week I had worked on a letter expressing my feelings for her, my wants and wishes for us in the future. The letter also reminised on our past experiences, wants and wishes she had expressed to me, as well as a poem that she had once written on finding love. The evening didn't turn out how I had planned, I thought we could work it out and get back together, but she was strong and said it will not workout, she needs time to think, that we are done, she is unsure if we can work it out, and that me seeing her is making the decision even harder.
I know her too well, and I know she didn't cheat on me, but she has been stressed out with work, and her family issues. I also strongly feel that at the moment she doesn't have a guy she is hoping to go to, she is just confused and upset and wants time. But didn't know how much time she needed.
I am unsure if I should move on, if I should wait for her, give her a few weeks and ask to talk again. Anyway I know I made her upset by pushing hard for some information, but what I needed to know was does she feel anything for me? And if we could then hang out as friends. So she will always care for me, and feels strongly that we will not get back together. But yes, we would be able to hang out as friends. I asked if she would like to do something in 2 weeks. She asked why that date, I said I am busy with work this upcoming weekend, and I chose that date because I am not working that weekend, But if you would like to do something sooner, I will always make time for you. She said she would let me know if that date worked.
I cannot move on until I know that we are completley done, and there is no hope for us to get back together. I will give her space and not talk to her (unless she wants to talk to me) until the Wednesday before I planned to hang out (1.5 weeks of no communication from me)
So my questions are:
1- is there hope for this relationship? She is acting and sounding unceritan herself if she wants to truly break up. (she said she might be making a mistake)
2- if she agrees to us hanging out, what should I do? I want to show her a good time, and that I am as carefree as when I first met her. I do not want to sit there and drink and talk because obviously I will keep bringing up our relationship. Our first date was playing pool, it was really fun. I would love to do that again, but fear that if I bring her there to the spot we first dated it would be seen as a bad sign. Is it a bad idea? If I were to watch a movie, I would want to cuddle - a bad idea I think. I also have a few other ideas like a day of golf, or a motorcycle ride and supper. What should I do which wouldn't be taken as me trying to make it a 'date' setting?
3-Originally she said yes to hanging out, but if she decides that the 2 weeks hasn't been long enough should I even try for a different time?
4-What else can I do to show her that I am there for her? We have had so many great times. And I have been there for her in so many of her difficult times I find it hard that she can forget that. Is there anything I can do to rekindle that spark she is forgetting about? Especially because she admits I have everything she is looking for, but lost the spark. Where do I go from here?