My boyfriend and I have lived together for only a month now, I love him dearly. He is my best friend and I feel like I could tell him anything.

I moved from a few states away to be with him. We knew each other for a few years before deciding to move to be together. "officially" together now for 2 years.

I am very close with my family. Tight knit, cool group of people. Love them to death! My boyfriend and I had planned to move to my home state after the lease was up, but the plans have changed because his job fell through.

We just came down to visit over the weekend. (separation anxiety from missing the family dog relieved! Heh) Thing is, it was very hard to get my boyfriend to come down to visit with me. He is very lazy,And very much a home body, so I figured he just didn't want to be in a car for 8 hours.

I went snooping through his phone and saw where he was complaining to his mom about how awful it was and complaining about particular family members that have been nothing but nice to him! My family is so warm and loving. Now I KNOW that I should t have snooped, and I guess that's what I get for that. BUT:

His mom is also trying to start , and I'm pretty shocked! When I met his family I thought they were super nice and I really enjoyed their company! I didn't know his mom was nursing this jealousy thing over mine and my bf's relationship.

Rundown:
Bf and his mom talk once a week and text.
He never goes to see his family.
Never attends family functions.
Lives an hour away from them.
Is the oldest of 4 children.
Never had a girlfriend before me.
Bf is 32.

I'm just really hurt and upset at his mothers instigation and his complaining about my family behind my back. I guess I feel betrayed.

My family thinks he has no personality because he doesn't make any facial expressions around them, only speaks when spoken to, and shows no interest in apparently anything (while he's here, with them, anyway).

I thought that was nerves, but I guess now I know that he actually just doesn't like them very much.

I guess my question is; what can I do about this? How do I get him to loosen up around my family and enjoy himself? He's a little socially awkward but he's so carefree at home and around his family (the one time I met them, anyway).

Also, how am I supposed to deal with a interfering mother in law that is so two faced? I don't want to come across as bjtchy talking to my boyfriend about this.

Any advice would be appreciated!
Thanks!

So confront boyfriend and it is obvious the two of you are not properly talking or being honest with each other

I'm sorry to say this, but he has come across like a bit of a douche. Yeah, I know it's not like he hits you or cheated but slagging off your family, who were also really nice? He sounds ill mannered, and boring. Why hasn't he had a girlfriend until the age of 32?

Also, to get him to losen up: get him really, really drunk.

Also, to get him to losen up: get him really, really drunk.

I have to disagree with this advice. Getting anyone drunk is a good way to create new problems rather than solve the ones already present.

People who are tend to speak without thinking. I don't think you really want him spouting off in person some of the things he has said in texts. If you do, then you probably are looking for a way out of the relationship. Drunken rants have been used for excuses to end relationships before.

Don't play games. Don't do anymore snooping.

Talk with him. Let him know you are concerned about how closed off he seems to be around your family. Ask him if he is comfortable or if the family dynamics are so different from his own that he feels out of place. He may be feeling like he has been thrown into the deep end and is desperately treading water. Remember that he is on very unfamiliar ground. If either of you starts feeling defensive, take a break to calm down. Do not allow the discussion to turn into a confrontation. Don't go into it on the defensive. Try to be open minded.

As for his mother, I can tell you stories about my mother-in-law. She is a manipulative, over-bearing, _______. Her own sons do what they can to limit their interactions with her. They also tend to 'agree' with her while they are talking just to shut her up. Then they go about their own business. Understand that all of us love her. We just have adapted to living with her.

I share that to let you know that what you read may not mean what you think it does.

Family issues are nothing compared to the inability to communicate with each other.

You could always ask him why he shows no expression around your family, and ask why he doesn't initiate conversations with them. Ask him if he feels comfortable around them. He may tell you the truth, however, he may lie.

If it were ME, I would just come clean and tell him that I wad wrong to snoop, but I did, and found these hurtful texts. Actually, don't do what I would do. I'm a little stubborn Italian that would confront it the wrong way...

So, tell him that you notice these things...

I have to disagree with this advice. Getting anyone drunk is a good way to create new problems rather than solve the ones already present.

People who are tend to speak without thinking. I don't think you really want him spouting off in person some of the things he has said in texts. If you do, then you probably are looking for a way out of the relationship. Drunken rants have been used for excuses to end relationships before.

No one should be scared that they can't get their partner drunk a single time because they'll act like a prick.

No one should be scared that they can't get their partner drunk a single time because they'll act like a prick.

Yes, but in a situation like this... it won't work.

I could see if two people are just going out to have fun and get drunk, then go back and have crazy wild mad sex... then sure. Have at it. But this is not the case. She wants real true answers. She wants to do it in a calm manner. Not in a drunken way...

No one should be scared that they can't get their partner drunk a single time because they'll act like a prick.

I am sorry but I cannot condone purposely trying to get someone drunk for any reason.

It is a matter of trust. Trying to get someone drunk instead of communicating with them is manipulative behavior. If the person will do it once, then why not a second or third time to get what they want.

It is also a matter of not having a double standard on the issue. I would be extremely upset with any male who wanted to get his partner drunk for any reason. So, I cannot and will not approve of a female getting her partner drunk just to get him to 'loosen up' around her family.