durgagsp
Aug 24, 2012, 06:28 PM
Best Girlfriend of 25yrs. And my Ex Boyfriend Extrordinaire. It just slipped out of my girlfriends mouth that she and my Ex lived as, "Roommates for 2 Yrs.". I am 52, she 65, he 66. My relationship was 15yrs ago to which I broke off. My best friend & I been friend way before & after and confide so I thought in EVERYTHING. Shortly after my Ex/myself broke up I got a job across country then away 2 yrs abroad. I returned 2002 and continued deep friendship with my girlfriend. Also my Ex myself over yrs. Have touched base. I have found it both odd weird since 2002 the deep friendship familiarity of my Ex & best friend. My girlfriend has shared over yrs and her daughter too ( now 42) of great times w/my Ex in past and also having worked with him on some of his business projects. I've known of there friendship yet never quite thought or knew just When & How They Connected/Met one another. Who initiated it? Before my moving He lived on island Oahu and she Maui. I recall taking & introducing him to Maui yet not my friend, although I may have. My friend/myself long have lived now on mainland. I've now experienced fully that my best friend and my Ex are more connected in relationship/friendship as my Ex phoned me to say he was now AT my Best Friend & her daughter/son in law home/kids and said,"We'd Love to see You.". My girlfriend knew months back my Ex & I think maybe we Can Be Together he claims to Love Me we just needed right time & get to know each other. I told him why don't we meet halfway and go to the beach and take a walk Alone and go enjoy. His response was,"what about Sally I'd miss visiting her?) I said well you had all day Yesterday and today besides I see her all the time and just paid for her/my weekend away last week so I don't feel to drive way to her daughter/ family home. So I made then a different excuse as I was Hurt & CONFUSED by it all it felt so weird . I didn't feel jealous just weird. He left me a vm so I called him later he said,"I really Want to see You I just thought it good for us both to be with the family where we both be comfortable.". I said well okay maybe this is a right way to begin anew after all these years. I can say I enjoyed my friends daughter/ family, at first good to see him, yet felt very odd sitting watching my girlfriend and him get stoned (I don't not my thing). We three sat in her art studio until dinner. Upon entering the main home I overheard the son inlaw say they had no money to end of month. My heart went out to them/concern too for the children. I took my best friends daughter and went to my bank Nd gave her $400.00 then grocery shop for $250.00. Upon return to home my Ex lay asleep on the couch my girlfriend in her room still stoned. We all had dinner
My Ex sat middle of myself & girlfriend. Shortly after my girlfriend/myself said goodbye to everyone as I was driving her to visit for week her son. My Ex and I gently embraced and I gratefully Left with my friend. As I was driving her now and (she had wine earlier) we shared of my Ex. She talked so knowingly of and about him, his life, challenges, she noting so many changes, happy about various things in his life. She said, " When we lived together it was great we just flowed easefully and comfortably, he was away often too." I was stunned trying to contain myself... SHOCKED and questioning inwardly (of course I knew this they Lived for 2 yrs together? Perhaps I had Alzheimers? Getting old and a memory lapse?) I stuffed it thinking of course they must have told me sometime? I just erote it off numbly at that time. As I drove listening to her That Odd Weirdness arose in my feeling. I told her instead of me bring with him it seems You two should be together, you're of the same hippie era, you both seem very close and he keeps speaking highly of You and viva versa. She got quiet and soft speaking said well That would be crossing a special boundary. We reached her sons home I put her bags on the doorstep we hugged and I drove home. I later phoned my Ex which was driving next day back to Oregon then back to Hawaii although he could have stayed for weeks to( visit or get to know me). He did ask if I'd come in November to visit I said I not know. However my best friend? And her 2 friends/ husband& wife were already set up to go and stay with him around that tmr. You see how after all these yrs I never knew or understood that it was ( their deep friendship) I was only the girl who had had a highly sexual relationship versus first friends. Yet We Both had a very Bonding experience. As shared I called him and said I just found out that He & my best friend had lived together 2 years sometime after our relationship and Neither Ever Told Me through All these Years! No wonder I felt out of place, many things now fell into place, how Dare He think I'd be in a Triangular energetic relationship, and that it was not a WE. He said he didn't know I hadn't known, why SHE never shared this to me. Our phone call disconnected and I tried 8x and texting to no avail . I went to bed around 1:00am. My friend? Daughter phoned me in morning to again say Thank You for the generous help. She then shared that my Ex ( their friend) had shared with her that I was mad as finding out after all these years they'd lived as roommates? Together for 2 yrs. She wanted me to know she didn't understand why her mom had not shared probably forgot however she as also my Ex claim Never Sexual Relations pure platonic and family and Friends. I told her whether sex or not I definitely have strong feelings of Anger, hurt, trust loyalty respect broken. This was what breaks friendships and good thing not to see her in moment as I'd slap her face. Not jealous yet her mother betrayed my friendship playing both sides and... To her advantage as both my Ex and myself certainly have provided her with wining/dining friendship entertainment as she has been starving artsy for 30 plus yrs. While the rest of us take what jobs we can to live! I later left voice mail to my friend/ex friend? Informing her that I was awakened now by the shock and told her my say of it. Just oops forgot to mention or by the way... At the end of the day after I left one last message. That either way we could take a walk and have our share and be clean and done. To this moment I've never heard from either her nor my Ex.
I have a lot of feelings around this and confusion. I think I am arriving that I have not lost anything nor anyone and I was a Best Friend. I had cared, gave my loyalty, trust, respect, support time and money. I am working on remembering to Respect. Love my own Self and know I am worthy of Good Healthy Relationships/Frienships. I am ttying to grasp that this is and was a good thing to have arisen and clean out the old from my sacred garden and heart. I don't owe either of the two justification of my feelings. I had heard the daughters care and love for me and I had let her know this was separate fro her and her children/ husband. I guess now day by day I just move onwards and let go. I shall miss what I thought was real and love in and with my friend I thought was. Yet I guess finding and making yourself the friend and best is what next to uncover and discover.
What is Your Perspective ?
A Loving Human Heart
My Ex sat middle of myself & girlfriend. Shortly after my girlfriend/myself said goodbye to everyone as I was driving her to visit for week her son. My Ex and I gently embraced and I gratefully Left with my friend. As I was driving her now and (she had wine earlier) we shared of my Ex. She talked so knowingly of and about him, his life, challenges, she noting so many changes, happy about various things in his life. She said, " When we lived together it was great we just flowed easefully and comfortably, he was away often too." I was stunned trying to contain myself... SHOCKED and questioning inwardly (of course I knew this they Lived for 2 yrs together? Perhaps I had Alzheimers? Getting old and a memory lapse?) I stuffed it thinking of course they must have told me sometime? I just erote it off numbly at that time. As I drove listening to her That Odd Weirdness arose in my feeling. I told her instead of me bring with him it seems You two should be together, you're of the same hippie era, you both seem very close and he keeps speaking highly of You and viva versa. She got quiet and soft speaking said well That would be crossing a special boundary. We reached her sons home I put her bags on the doorstep we hugged and I drove home. I later phoned my Ex which was driving next day back to Oregon then back to Hawaii although he could have stayed for weeks to( visit or get to know me). He did ask if I'd come in November to visit I said I not know. However my best friend? And her 2 friends/ husband& wife were already set up to go and stay with him around that tmr. You see how after all these yrs I never knew or understood that it was ( their deep friendship) I was only the girl who had had a highly sexual relationship versus first friends. Yet We Both had a very Bonding experience. As shared I called him and said I just found out that He & my best friend had lived together 2 years sometime after our relationship and Neither Ever Told Me through All these Years! No wonder I felt out of place, many things now fell into place, how Dare He think I'd be in a Triangular energetic relationship, and that it was not a WE. He said he didn't know I hadn't known, why SHE never shared this to me. Our phone call disconnected and I tried 8x and texting to no avail . I went to bed around 1:00am. My friend? Daughter phoned me in morning to again say Thank You for the generous help. She then shared that my Ex ( their friend) had shared with her that I was mad as finding out after all these years they'd lived as roommates? Together for 2 yrs. She wanted me to know she didn't understand why her mom had not shared probably forgot however she as also my Ex claim Never Sexual Relations pure platonic and family and Friends. I told her whether sex or not I definitely have strong feelings of Anger, hurt, trust loyalty respect broken. This was what breaks friendships and good thing not to see her in moment as I'd slap her face. Not jealous yet her mother betrayed my friendship playing both sides and... To her advantage as both my Ex and myself certainly have provided her with wining/dining friendship entertainment as she has been starving artsy for 30 plus yrs. While the rest of us take what jobs we can to live! I later left voice mail to my friend/ex friend? Informing her that I was awakened now by the shock and told her my say of it. Just oops forgot to mention or by the way... At the end of the day after I left one last message. That either way we could take a walk and have our share and be clean and done. To this moment I've never heard from either her nor my Ex.
I have a lot of feelings around this and confusion. I think I am arriving that I have not lost anything nor anyone and I was a Best Friend. I had cared, gave my loyalty, trust, respect, support time and money. I am working on remembering to Respect. Love my own Self and know I am worthy of Good Healthy Relationships/Frienships. I am ttying to grasp that this is and was a good thing to have arisen and clean out the old from my sacred garden and heart. I don't owe either of the two justification of my feelings. I had heard the daughters care and love for me and I had let her know this was separate fro her and her children/ husband. I guess now day by day I just move onwards and let go. I shall miss what I thought was real and love in and with my friend I thought was. Yet I guess finding and making yourself the friend and best is what next to uncover and discover.
What is Your Perspective ?
A Loving Human Heart