The "home sate" and continuing jurisdiction of the child is Ohio.

To better the relationship of our son with his father we entered into an agreed entry in Ohio that changed the residential parent to his dad and I am non residential with standard parenting time. There is no "decree as we were never married.

Father moved into paternal grandparents home with our son. He stayed 5 months and has left and only visits with our son. This was supposed to be kept secret from me. Father did not and does not financially support our son and as a result the paternal grandmother has claimed the child as being in her Custody by default. Our son does not even know where his father is living.

The paternal grandmother is financially well off and I cannot afford an attorney but she is interfering with my rights to see our son and its getting ugly.

Since I found out that the father is not residing with our son I would like to know just what I file to regain residential status. Our son is afraid now because someone has told him if I go to court he will never see me again. Don't know the validity of that statement since it came from an 8yr old but I have not mentioned to him anything about any court so he got it somewhere.

Help!

... entered into an agreed entry ... There is no "decree as we were never married. ...

I'm not sure what if any legal significance these terms "agreed entry" and "decree" may have in Ohio. And "continuing jurisdiction" is also meaniingless unless a court has been involved. Was there a court order for custody of the child?

If not, you have the right to full custody of you child, which you share with his father (if the father is on the birth certificate). You (or the father as well for that matter) can simply show a birth certificate to the police and ask them to help you get the boy from the grandparent.

If there is a court order, you need to get it modified.

If there is a risk that someone will cause the child to disappear while your motion is pending, consult an attorney about getting an emergency ex parte order.

By Decree I mean any divorce decree. In Ohio when the parents are not married the mother has sole custody until a court order has been issued. It was this way for 7 yrs.

The Agreed Entry is an Agreed Entry Custody.

I was told that Ohio does not issue emergency custody orders without the child being in my physical custody. The only time I get to see him is on the weekends when Court is closed.

Is that true?



I'm not sure what if any legal significance these terms "agreed entry" and "decree" may have in Ohio. And "continuing jurisdiction" is also meaniingless unless a court has been involved. Was there a court order for custody of the child?

If not, you have the right to full custody of you child, which you share with his father (if the father is on the birth certificate). You (or the father as well for that matter) can simply show a birth certificate to the police and ask them to help you get the boy from the grandparent.

If there is a court order, you need to get it modified.

If there is a risk that someone will cause the child to disappear while your motion is pending, consult an attorney about getting an emergency ex parte order.

You aren't answering the question here. Did a court ever rule on custody either way? Was the agreement that your son move in with his father ratified by a court.

That is the key here. If there has been no court involvement, then you get a copy of the birth certificate, go to the local police station where the grandparent lives and tell them the father's grandparents are keeping your son from you without any custodial rights and you want to recover your son.

If there has been a court order, then you have to go to court to rescind or modify that order.

[Sorry Its been a difficult day for other reasons than the ones I am discussing here and I got confused.

Yes it is ratified by the court and signed by the Judge.

I understand what you are talking about concerning the modification because of the fathers actions.

Another question is can the grandmother interfere in my parenting time because she wants to change it? She tells me that she has full legal rights to raise our son and I would have to legally take custody away from her.
She does not have any legal custody she is basing this on the fact that the child is in her home and therefore she assumes the rights of the father.

I have tried to find the father but don't know where he is. So is it possible that she is right and I am now sharing custody with her because she does not know where the father is either?

Thanks
QUOTE=ScottGem;3243277]You aren't answering the question here. Did a court ever rule on custody either way? Was the agreement that your son move in with his father ratified by a court.

That is the key here. If there has been no court involvement, then you get a copy of the birth certificate, go to the local police station where the grandparent lives and tell them the father's grandparents are keeping your son from you without any custodial rights and you want to recover your son.

If there has been a court order, then you have to go to court to rescind or modify that order.[/QUOTE]

The way you have quoted people makes it impossible for me to follow this thread -

Without quotes, what is your question?

... Yes it is ratified by the court and signed by the Judge.

...
Another question is can the grandmother interfere in my parenting time because she wants to change it? She tells me that she has full legal rights to raise our son and I would have to legally take custody away from her.
She does not have any legal custody she is basing this on the fact that the child is in her home and therefore she assumes the rights of the father. ...

The grandmother may perhaps stand in the shoes of her son.

Did the court-ratified agreement give you any visitation rights? If so, grandmother may not interfere with that visitation.

It appears that, in order to regain custody, you will have to go to court to get the court order modified.

The grandmother may perhaps stand in the shoes of her son.

Did the court-ratified agreement give you any visitation rights? If so, grandmother may not interfere with that visitation.

It appears that, in order to regain custody, you will have to go to court to get the court order modified.


OP says nothing about who takes over parenting if the custodial parent is out of the picture.

I cannot find anything about anyone taking over as custodial "parent" without Court Order.

Or is this something that might be covered in the agreement (although I find that highly unlikely)?

I appreciate it's a separate issue but is OP paying child support?

No, the fathers rights don't automatically defer to the grandmother. However, you will have to prove the father no longer lives with his parents and, therefore, the custody agreement should be voided and custody returned to you.

So you DO need to go to court before you can do anything else. If the current custody agreement affords you visitation and the grandmother is not allowing it them you can have her cited for contempt. If she is interfering with your parenting, then claim parental interference.

No, the fathers rights don't automatically defer to the grandmother. However, you will have to prove the father no longer lives with his parents and, therefore, the custody agreement should be voided and custody returned to you.

So you DO need to go to court before you can do anything else. If the current custody agreement affords you visitation and the grandmother is not allowing it them you can have her cited for contempt. if she is interfering with your parenting, then claim parental interference.


As far as support is concerned if OP is not paying support I don't understand why she is concerned with who financially supports the child, whether it's the Grandmother or someone else.

But, yes, I'd say go back to Court.

... I cannot find anything about anyone taking over as custodial "parent" without Court Order.
...

A custodial parent may exercise custody through a proxy. A baby sitter, for example.

If OP can demonstrate that for her to be restored to custody would be in the child's best interest, the court will probably do so.

The court granted me standard parenting time for the area we live in. This is based on the age of the child but it equals out to be the same amount of time the father has. Its joint custody.

Also the court ordered that the father and I have equal say in all major aspects of the child's life from school to religion. We were supposed to keep open communication and advise the other of any changes that we might want but within 5 months of our son moving to the fathers primary residence this all stopped.

The father left our child in the grandmothers house and has been staying (?). Even the grandmother does not know at this point. But no one bothered to tell me about this and the child was convinced to lie about it when he has at my home.

The grandmother says the father will always be the residential parent even if he does not return and that she has custody because she has the child. Now that she knows that I am aware of the fathers disappearing and just how long they have been lying to me things are starting to get ugly.

This was supposed to be a beneficial change of living arrangements so our son could better know his father but this has really blown up and I don't know where to turn but our son is having major problems because if this. I don't want to make them worse but he keeps begging me to bring him back home for good. He is so unhappy and keeps asking me to "save" him. This really scares me although I would never let him know that.

A custodial parent may exercise custody through a proxy. A baby sitter, for example.


This is why the OP can't just come and retrieve the child. But for the grandmother to assume that she has full legal rights and, more impotantly, control visitation, is a bit over the top.

I agree that a court will restore custody to the OP unless she present a danger to the child.

... for the grandmother to assume that she has full legal rights and, more impotantly, control visitation, is a bit over the top.
...

As is grandmother's circular reasoning: "she has custody because she has the child." :)

I have not spoke about child support because to me this is a moot issue. The court has not ordered any except what we agreed on. We BOTH must financially support our child equally.

This change from my being the primary residence to the father was not a custody fight. We worked this out together and the court ratified it. Our son is getting older and we thought it best that he know his father better. This is how it is supposed to work when everyone puts the child first.

Sorry if I sound a little perturbed but the assumption that I am a dead beat mom just making waves without knowing the whole story is insulting.

Read all my posts before you throw stones.

There had been no problems and the fathers actions have taken me completely by surprise as he has always agreed with me that our son comes first.

I have not spoke about child support because to me this is a moot issue. The court has not ordered any except what we agreed on. We BOTH must financially support our child equally.

This change from my being the primary residence to the father was not a custody fight. We worked this out together and the court ratified it. Our son is getting older and we thought it best that he know his father better. This is how it is supposed to work when everyone puts the child first.

Sorry if I sound a little perturbed but the assumption that I am a dead beat mom just making waves without knowing the whole story is insulting.

Read all my posts before you throw stones.

There had been no problems and the fathers actions have taken me completely by surprise as he has always agreed with me that our son comes first.


Nowhere did I say you're a dead beat Mom. The title of this thread is about custody AND support. The question is an honest one. I'm sorry you thought I was throwing stones. You say: "Father did not and does not financially support our son and as a result the paternal grandmother has claimed the child as being in her Custody by default." I see nothing there about your financial contributions in addition to his.

If I thought you were a deadbeat I would tell you so.

Please read my answers before you jump to any conclusions about what I'm thinking about your situation.

I don't see anyone even hinting you were a deadbeat mom. We are just trying to understand the whole situatuation. My feeling is if you go into court and show that you agreed your son would benefit from more time with his father and that is why you agreed to the change , but since the father is no longer caring for the son then that agreement should be voided and custody returned to you, then I think you will prevail.

The father not supporting the child is the reason the grandmother gives for keeping our child. He is not paying her for food and all the other things a parent should pay for.

I have been sending the agreed on amount to the address of the grandmother thinking the father was still there and receiving it for our child. I will never let our son go without and am still sending the money, buying the clothes, paying the school fees paying the doctor bills supplying the toys and seeing our son. Only now the grandmother thinks its okay to change the days I see our son, tells his school not to let me pick him up and is starting to generally make things very bad.

She has no legal custody. The father and I share custody. He just moved in with his mother (grandmother) when he first picked up our son. He said it was to make it financially easier for him. Then he disappeared 5 months later. Stopped communicating with me and our son. Our son was told to lie to me about where his father was and now even he does not know where his father lives.

None of this is about my question. I do know that neither of us can assign custody over to a third party without a court order. And I understand the babysitter scenario but when you hire a babysitter you usually come back to get your child at some point. Not just walk away and let the babysitter keep them.

This is ostensibly what is happening as the grandmother admitted to me today that she has no idea where her son is and hasn't seen him for months but that she feels this changes nothing. She gets to keep our son because her son has joint custody with me.

But this is getting me no where, She just called and told me I cannot pick up my son from school for my scheduled parenting time tomorrow because she doesn't think it's a good idea. She did this on Friday too and the school showed me a note that supposedly came from the father that has disappeared.

This doesn't seem legal.

This doesn't seem legal.


It's not legal, but she has control of the child. Unless/until you take her to Court and change things she is controlling the situation.

I'd be at the Courthouse tomorrow.

As Judy said it is not legal. But the problem here is that the police won't interfere in a civil custody case without a court order. Again, several of us have told you that, if you go to court, the court will likely rule in your favor. But you have to go to court. If you think this is getting you nowhere, its because you aren't following the good and valid advice you have gotten.

However, This give me an idea.


She just called and told me I cannot pick up my son from school for my scheduled parenting time tomorrow because she doesn't think its a good idea. She did this on Friday too and the school showed me a note that supposedly came from the father that has disapeared.

This doesn't seem legal.

Since you have a court order that gives you joint custody and visitation, I would go to the school and produce that order and tell the school the father does not have the right to prevent you from taking the child for your scheduled visitation. So the note the school has carries no weight and they have to let you pick up your son. If the school refuses, call the police.

The problem here is that you then have to return your son to school. Until you can get a court to rescind the current custody and give you back primary custody, she has the upper hand. I would have been in court yesterday

Thank you all for your advice. I really do appreciate it. The school let me take him because I showed up with the custody papers.

Unfortunately there is the separate issue of what this is doing to him. But I have exhausted all avenues of trying to get him help. Its frustrating because as soon as I identify myself as the other parent it is assumed that this is just a custody issue and its like they stop listening.. And yes I am talking about the proper professional people. After what he did last night I would gladly sign away any ability to ever see him again to foster care if only someone would help him.

I will go to court because it's the only thing I can try to help him but it's the help for him I want more than any custody issue. But court takes time and I truly am afraid that whatever that is terrifying him at the other home..

Sorry this is too much,

Thanks again I will take the advice.

Thank you all for your advice. I really do appreciate it. The school let me take him because I showed up with the custody papers.

Unfortunately there is the separate issue of what this is doing to him. But I have exhausted all avenues of trying to get him help. Its frustrating because as soon as I identify myself as the other parent it is assumed that this is just a custody issue and its like they stop listening.. And yes I am talking about the proper professional people. After what he did last night I would gladly sign away any ability to ever see him again to foster care if only someone would help him.

I will go to court because its the only thing I can try to help him but its the help for him I want more than any custody issue. But court takes time and I truly am afraid that whatever that is terrifying him at the other home..

Sorry this is too much,.

Thanks again I will take the advice.


This is the first I've heard that the child has issues - I thought custody was changed so he could spend more time with his father. What avenues of help? What issues?

I'm afraid I'm totally in the dark here.

If it's an emergency file for an emergency order. This question was posted on August 20; today is August 22. Have you filed?

I must admit I'm confused - you'd sign him off to foster care (which can be a terrible, terrible system in some cases) and agree to never see him again in exchange for someone/someplace/some time helping him?

If I were the child - and, again, this is the first I've heard of his issues and I don't even know what those issues are - I would know that I lived with my mother (I don't know if he ever lived with you and his father together), then I got shipped off to my Grandmother's (where my father may or may not have been living), now my father has pretty much disappeared, now I'm living with my Grandmother, now my mother and my Grandmother are arguing about me, now I'm embarrassed at school, now my mother is signing off.

I'm not sure who in this scenario needs counselling and who does not.

Thanks for proving my point. The change was not the problem. These problems have arisen since the change. They were unexpected and completely out of character for the people involved.

I said I would gladly do the foster care thing because it seems that the only way this child is going to get any help. The gladly part is what a desperate parent will do when giving up a child is the only way to save them. It is the same as throwing yourself on a grenade to save the child's life. Its an act of love that you obviously did not understand.

I am not arguing with anyone. The child is happy at school because he is not home. The custody issue is a legal aspect. I am talking about recently finding out from the child that something is terribly wrong and he is asking for help from the person he trusts, me. But since I am the other parent when I say HE is now screaming for help its just a custody issue and the child has to suck it up.

I would gladly give my life for this child. If I was a neighbor saying that this child came to me for help someone (*Children Services) would actually listen and at least ask the child if there is a problem. It would not automatically be blown off like it was today as a custody issue. I just want the child to get help. How loud does he have to scream to be heard over the preconceived notion that a parent is not anyone to be listened to.

I was a school teacher before this. We were required by law to report anytime a child came to us for help. So where is the difference to the child. HE came to me for help. The breakdown he had last night was frightening. I did what a good parent in this situation is supposed to do. I reported it to the proper people. But because this an emotional breakdown with talk of suicide they put it down to a custody issue because after all parents always lie.

All of this just happened. I thought the change from MY custody (all 7 yrs of his life) to his father was a good thing. Then all of a sudden its like I do not know this person at all.

But I was actually trying to thank you all in my last post. Once again, thank you all for the helpful advice.

If I was a neighbor and voiced these concerns

But I was actually trying to thank you all in my last post. Once again, thank you all for the helpful advice.

If I was a neighbor and voiced these concerns


Have you filed in Court yet?

I can't say I agree with you - I know I'm not in your shoes. I do know I'd keep knocking on doors until my knuckles were raw.

I still don't know what breakdown and talk of suicide you are "discussing," nor do I know why you are being ignored. Have a third party call Child Welfare (or whatever it's called). Tape record the "breakdowns."

I would not give up on my child - and I'm not sure he doesn't think that you are giving up on him.

I would not give up on my child - and I'm not sure he doesn't think that you are giving up on him.

As Perry Mason would say "this assumes facts not in evidence." My son does not know I feel this way.

I am a good parent and a good parent does not frighten an already fragile child with adult feelings and worries. HE KNOWS that I will never give up on him.

I have repeated this over and over in the last few posts in more than one way. Please stop reading between the lines. This has become nothing but me trying to defend myself and my feelings and concerns against things that have ONLY been said by the other poster.

This is my final post. I thank those that gave constructive advice. As for the rest?
Please stop making a bad situation worse. I came for help. Not an unwarranted and UNFOUNDED verbal attack. You may be the best intentioned person in the world but please remember that there are a few of us who try to always do the right thing. We drive the speed limit. We never J walk. And we do not make our children carry the burden of our worries.

Thank You All.

We have tried to help you, but we can only go by what you have told us. You have mentioned some things that have caused some of us to respond in certain ways. You were not attacked.

I'm glad you were able to get your visitation, I assume my suggestion helped there.

The bottom line is you need to go to court to rescind the current order based on the father's non-involvement. Again, I think you will easily win in court. And that should help end this.