So I'm worried my boyfriend is going to college in another city and find a girl you know, on his level. Now he tells me I'm crazy, my and his friends also thinks I'm crazy.. but am I crazy!

Why I'm bugging out :(

1: he's said a few months back if he got accepted into Davis he would leave me. (Which I confronted him about, very dramatic. His argument? "I thought you knew?")
What!

Yeah and 2:

Found him on a dating website looking for a caucasian girl, I'm brazilian! And I think I'm pretty good looking so, really? You want a white girl?
Smdh.

So should I be worried about him going off to college.

Him: from Alabama so he's as redneck blue collar as they come, very obcene and up front. So if you look bad expect to hear it from him! He's 6'0 white male 210lbs very goodlooking, but quite the jerk! TOOL if I ever said so myself. Hes great to me but he's mean to everyone else. Strange because he and his mother have the most wonderful relationship. Someonw tell me I'm just out of my mind..

Worrying about it is going to accomplish what exactly?

If he's going to walk away from you then there is nothing you can do because he is away for a number of years.

Long distance relationships are difficult at best... and do often fail.

I'd worry about things you have some control over... otherwise you wreck your health over things that are beyond your control.

That's very true I'm finding myself to nit be eating or sleeping anymore. I'm just a wreck..

Is he the father of your child? https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/parenting/autistic-son-695036.html

I see all sorts of problems in your life. Are you upset because your son is autistic (you stayed in your bedroom for three months after hearing the diagnosis) or because of the boyfriend - or something else?

Is he the father of your child? https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/parenting/autistic-son-695036.html

I see all sorts of problems in your life. Are you upset because your son is autistic (you stayed in your bedroom for three months after hearing the diagnosis) or because of the boyfriend - or something else?

Well that changes everything...

Has absolutely nothing to do with my son.. this is a completely different topic but thank you for trying to answer.. :/

has absolutly nothing to do with my son.. this is a completely different topic but thank you for trying to answer.. :/

Unless this boyfriend is not the father of your son, there is no way the two issues are not connected. You cannot get help with either problem until you understand that.

When he first told you that he would be leaving, you got very upset. I suspect that if he's now saying you are crazy for thinking he'll leave you it's only because he can't stand another confrontation. Relationships almost never (I want to say never) survive college, where there are so many available romances waiting in every class, dorm room, party, sporting event... don't blame it on social status, academic status, culture, race, country origins. It's true for everyone. Many struggle to see each other for a month or two and it doesn't work.

Unless this boyfriend is not the father of your son, there is no way the two issues are not connected. You cannot get help with either problem until you understand that.

He's is not. He's just been a fabulous boyfriend to me and I just feel like he can do better. Trust me he's not upset with me or anything promised me he loves me. I trust him.. so its honestly not connected. My son and I don't bond like I would have liked to.. and my boyfriend and I are extremely close. Its two different problems lol..

But again thanks for your advise.

hes is not. hes just been a fabulous boyfriend to me and i just feel like he can do better. trust me hes not upset with me or anything promised me he loves me. i trust him.. so its honestly not connected. my son and i dont bond like i would have liked to.. and my boyfriend and i are extremely close. its two different problems lol..

but again thanks for your advise.


And how is your boyfriend with your child? Doesn't your son impact your relationship?

You describe him as a redneck and a tool. You think he's on line, seeking a Caucasian woman? He's going away to school and didn't tell you? Now you say you trust him and you are extremely close.

When he first told you that he would be leaving, you got very upset. I suspect that if he's now saying you are crazy for thinking he'll leave you it's only because he can't stand another confrontation. Relationships almost never (I want to say never) survive college, where there are so many available romances waiting in every class, dorm room, party, sporting event... don't blame it on social status, academic status, culture, race, country origins. It's true for everyone. Many struggle to see each other for a month or two and it doesn't work.

I just wish you knew him. He's one of those guys that don't bring girls home.. he's just a true mamas boy and he honestly, in all honestly... shouldn't have even got accepted, he paid his friends to take his tests and do his homework.. :( I'm proud of him but I can only worry for him because this isn't going to be easy like community college.. there will be no way to cheat Davis..

I have trust but I feel just like you said..
Like he doesn't want another confrontation.. he gets super nervous and he hates fighting or arguments..

He would probably pay someone to argue with me.

I just been thinking since I wrote this..
And I truly believe if I wasn't good enough... no girl will ever be. I've been nothing but honest and in love with him.

And how is your boyfriend with your child? Doesn't your son impact your relationship?

They are great! Actually when it comes to my relationship, when my son is the topic; its almost perfect.

He doesn't talk about having more kids.
He doesn't talk about the future.
He brings up how he doesn't want to live past 45.

? No my son does not make anything tougher.. me and my sons BONDING is not up to par to my expectations..

Again thanks?

in all honestly... shouldnt have even got accepted, he payed his friends to take his tests and do his homework.. :( im proud of him.


Makes no sense.

And how is your boyfriend with your child? Doesn't your son impact your relationship?

You describe him as a redneck and a tool. You think he's on line, seeking a Caucasian woman? He's going away to school and didn't tell you? Now you say you trust him and you are extremely close.

And as far as him being redneck and a tool.. re read I'm sure I mentioned to "other" people. He's absolutely rude to others.. he did tell me about school.. he didn't tell me that the thought of breaking up with me crossed his mind.

And we do just about everything together so yeah I trust him.. we are very close. This isn't something to find negatives in..

This is honestly a short answer question, according to this post, what I said, and not to bring up any other questions I might have asked.. should I be worried?

Like I said before, I've thought about it since I asked this question.. and I'm not worried!

Just having a think a lot moment I guess.

He's a very good boyfriend, going to be a magnificent husband and stepfather to my son and we will be very happy together.

I had my doubts but I got to say not anymore.

Makes no sense. sure if you cut me off like that. I'm proud of him, he got accepted into UC Davis with a 24 thousand dollar scholarship.. he's smart just lazy and yes I myself am entitled to my own opinion.. I don't believe he should have got accepted.. but since he did I am proud.

Does that make sense?

sure if you cut me off like that. im proud of him, he got accepted into UC Davis with a 24 thousand dollar scholarship.. hes smart just lazy and yes i myself am entitled to my own opinion.. i dont believe he should have got accepted.. but since he did i am proud.

does that make sense?


No, not really - you are proud that he cheated and got a scholarship. He is taking a spot in school that rightfully belongs to someone who didn't cheat.

I'm sure Davis will not be happy when it hears about it.

I'd be proud he got accepted; I wouldn't be proud of the circumstances.

I only posted those words because the rest of the post didn't refer to his cheating and paying people to do his homework and take his tests.

If he did cheat like you said and had people take his tests to get in... then he's not going to last in college very long. There is too much hard work to be able to cheat his way through...

No, not really - you are proud that he cheated and got a scholarship. He is taking a spot in school that rightfully belongs to someone who didn't cheat.

I'm sure Davis will not be happy when it hears about it.

I'd be proud he got accepted; I wouldn't be proud of the circumstances.

I only posted those words because the rest of the post didn't refer to his cheating and paying people to do his homework and take his tests.

Never said he cheated. Said I found him on a dating website.

And that's exactly what I said in different words..

You see your not helping.. why keep going?

If he did cheat like you said and had people take his tests to get in.....then he's not going to last in college very long. There is too much hard work to be able to cheat his way through....

Trust me I know. :/ and he didn't cheat.. he was found on a dating website.

trust me i know. :/ and he didnt cheat.. he was found on a dating website.

You said he had people take his tests for him to get into college... that IS cheating by any definition of the term. You said this in post #11 that he wouldn't have gotten in otherwise.

Yes you said he paid someone to take his tests for him. That is cheating. Not something to be proud of.

never said he cheated. said i found him on a dating website.

and thats exactly what i said in different words.. ?

you see your not helping.. why keep going?


What?

And please - don't even attempt to direct who will answer your questions. If you want warm hugs, talk to your friends. If you want third-party advice, post here.

All we have to go on is your own words - you cannot connect with your autistic son; you found your boyfriend on a dating site (but you don't consider that to be cheating); you are worried he's going to "leave" you for someone he meets at College; he cheated to get into College; he's a redneck (whatever that means); he's a tool (I think I know what that means); he makes you insecure.

And that's the information on which advice is doled out.

What?

And please - don't even attempt to direct who will answer your questions. If you want warm hugs, talk to your friends. If you want third-party advice, post here.

All we have to go on is your own words - you cannot connect with your autistic son; you found your boyfriend on a dating site (but you don't consider that to be cheating); you are worried he's going to "leave" you for someone he meets at College; he cheated to get into College; he's a redneck (whatever that means); he's a tool (I think I know what that means); he makes you insecure.

And that's the information on which advice is doled out.

With this post Judy summed up your entire thread. Yes, I read the whole thing and tried to see where you are coming from. What I see is someone who is in denial. Your boyfriend and your son are parts of the whole picture.

You need to look at the entire picture. Not bonding the way you wish you could with your son may cause you to be more sensitive when other relationships don't seem as stable as you wish they could be. It may also cause you to feel a bit defensive and insecure. Human nature.

Your boyfriend is looking at dating sites. It doesn't matter what the females look like. What does matter is where they are located and if he has contacted them. Frankly, I have no problem with all forms of erotica. I draw the line at sites that encourage their members to meet and interact. Very big red flag.

He didn't do the work to get into college. He actively cheated (getting someone else to take tests is cheating whether it is from laziness or ignorance of the material) to get into Davis. That speaks volumes about how much work he is willing to put into things. Not much. Do you think he will put work into your relationship when you aren't right beside him? Do you think he will rely on other people to keep you content and in the dark if he does play around? I think you may already be questioning the judgment of your friends, but then they aren't in a relationship with him.

I noticed how quickly you started defending him and his behavior. I think you need to be honest with yourself. He is rude to everyone but he doesn't like conflict. Being rude, etc. is asking for drama and conflict. He is nice to you. What does he get in return? His relationship with your son is great but your bonding with your child isn't. Is that true or what you keep telling yourself? How much interaction do they actually have?

I think you are afraid of failing or letting go. Even if it isn't a good relationship, would you try to hold on to it? Deep down do you trust him? Do you trust yourself and your own judgment?