mollygirl21
Aug 18, 2012, 08:56 AM
Ex boyfriend and I were off and on for 4 years…took about 8 months apart while we were in college, he moved across the country to try something different, but came back after 2 semesters. The day he came back we began working on getting back together…that lasted a year. We broke up again a little over 3 months ago, where he told me he wasn’t sure if he even loved me anymore. We just weren’t getting along. I was finished with school busy working a full time job as an RN while he was still struggling through school…and still has 2 more years to go. It felt like we were at different points in our lives.
I’m 21, he’s 23 by the way. Seemed like he’d rather be out drinking and partying all the time, kind of losing touch with the relationship. We both kind of ended up pulling away to the point where we just needed to end it, I wanted some time apart while he wanted to just completely end our four year relationship. To me, that’s not something you throw away, especially when there’s no cheating/lying involved. We just could not seem to get along at this time in our lives and he wasn’t willing to try. From the moment he broke up with me (via phone call) I immediately went no contact. Only saw him once during the 3 months apart, driving by my house, he was hanging out/hooking up with an 18 year old who lives 4 houses down the street. Pretty low. That didn’t end up working out…I'm sure he was lonely and she was easy.
He texted me once, a few weeks ago at 3 am…obviously drunk, saying “I have some serious problems right now I don’t know who else to talk to.” I never answered. He then texted me a week ago to let me know his grandfather had passed, who I was close to. I ended up going to the funeral services, where he would not leave my side, kept trying to make small talk while I was standoff-ish. I felt that I needed to be there mostly out of respect for his family. Not even 5 minutes after leaving the funeral, he texts me saying “ Thanks for coming, it means a lot. You looked beautiful. I know you won’t want to, but if you could talk to me sometime, I have no one to talk to I'm a mess.” I almost felt guilty saying no, even after thinking of what he did to me 3 months before breaking my heart. I still love him. I ended up pushing all the angry feelings aside and wanted to be there for him.
I met him at the beach that night and we talked for hours. He opened up, told me he made a huge mistake by breaking up with me and that he’s been a disaster since then, drinking at bars every single night till last call, barely making it through work the next day, getting in fights. His parents almost kicked him out of the house because he was a complete mess. He kept kissing me, I wouldn’t kiss him back. Hugged me tight and wouldn’t let me go. He told me he loved me, and has strong feelings for me still. I saw him again the next night ( I had asked him to talk, I was feeling overwhelmingly confused). I explained my guards up, I know we aren’t together but if its something he was planning on working toward, which was the impression I got, that I expected him to be honest with me about everything. (I knew he had just started talking to this other girl and went out on a few dates with her, but didn’t want to mention anything.) He replied saying he came on fast, if anything comes out of us hanging out it would take a while. He told me he loved me, and knows why we weren’t getting along half the time, he said if we could figure out ways to get past the crap we put each other through, he would love to be back together. I told him I didn’t want to feel like I was on the back burner, he said he wouldn’t do that to me and that he was capable of taking things slow and figuring it out. He said he “didn’t like himself when he makes his own decisions.” Seems kind of unstable.
He invited me over to his house, I spent the night (we cuddled and kissed but I wouldn’t let him have sex with me) He was coming on strong, he kept asking me to hang out throughout the week, up until yesterday. I had become friends again with him on Facebook and noticed he was planning on hanging out with this new girl he’d been dating next weekend…apparently she’s traveling for work this week…how convenient I was there when she wasn’t. he said he was going to cancel the plans he made with her, he wasn’t going to be hanging out with her while he was talking to me again. The next night he wasn’t acting as interested, said he was stressed. Then he texts me saying “I have all these feelings, I wasn’t thinking straight at all telling you everything I said…I'm sorry for leading you on like this but we can't get back together, it just doesn’t work.” This happened while I was at work, on a Friday afternoon. We had made plans to go camping this weekend and go to a concert, and was literally texting me Thursday afternoon that he couldn’t wait to go.
I called him right after he texted me to ask what was going on…he said he doesn’t know if he really loves me. After telling me you love me and want to be with me again all week you're going to pull this again? I have a feeling its because he wants to try things with this other girl…but I seriously feel like a piece of right now. Like he used me to build him back up after his grandfathers death and when he was feeling low, and now that I completely opened up to him telling him I hadn’t moved on in those 3 months, he goes and does this to me again. Its almost like he was testing me to see if I had moved on, and when he realized I hadn’t he just figures I’ll always be holding on, waiting for him while he can go out and do his thing.
I don’t know what to think. Maybe he really does love me and is scared, doesn’t want to grow up quite yet and continue to live his reckless lifestyle. I don’t know how you can tell someone you love them one day, then kick them to the curb like this the next day. I just really need some insight, I have no idea what to think right now. Maybe he’s torn and confused between either me or her? Ugh I need help. I feel like I'm starting over the grieving process all over again.
I’m 21, he’s 23 by the way. Seemed like he’d rather be out drinking and partying all the time, kind of losing touch with the relationship. We both kind of ended up pulling away to the point where we just needed to end it, I wanted some time apart while he wanted to just completely end our four year relationship. To me, that’s not something you throw away, especially when there’s no cheating/lying involved. We just could not seem to get along at this time in our lives and he wasn’t willing to try. From the moment he broke up with me (via phone call) I immediately went no contact. Only saw him once during the 3 months apart, driving by my house, he was hanging out/hooking up with an 18 year old who lives 4 houses down the street. Pretty low. That didn’t end up working out…I'm sure he was lonely and she was easy.
He texted me once, a few weeks ago at 3 am…obviously drunk, saying “I have some serious problems right now I don’t know who else to talk to.” I never answered. He then texted me a week ago to let me know his grandfather had passed, who I was close to. I ended up going to the funeral services, where he would not leave my side, kept trying to make small talk while I was standoff-ish. I felt that I needed to be there mostly out of respect for his family. Not even 5 minutes after leaving the funeral, he texts me saying “ Thanks for coming, it means a lot. You looked beautiful. I know you won’t want to, but if you could talk to me sometime, I have no one to talk to I'm a mess.” I almost felt guilty saying no, even after thinking of what he did to me 3 months before breaking my heart. I still love him. I ended up pushing all the angry feelings aside and wanted to be there for him.
I met him at the beach that night and we talked for hours. He opened up, told me he made a huge mistake by breaking up with me and that he’s been a disaster since then, drinking at bars every single night till last call, barely making it through work the next day, getting in fights. His parents almost kicked him out of the house because he was a complete mess. He kept kissing me, I wouldn’t kiss him back. Hugged me tight and wouldn’t let me go. He told me he loved me, and has strong feelings for me still. I saw him again the next night ( I had asked him to talk, I was feeling overwhelmingly confused). I explained my guards up, I know we aren’t together but if its something he was planning on working toward, which was the impression I got, that I expected him to be honest with me about everything. (I knew he had just started talking to this other girl and went out on a few dates with her, but didn’t want to mention anything.) He replied saying he came on fast, if anything comes out of us hanging out it would take a while. He told me he loved me, and knows why we weren’t getting along half the time, he said if we could figure out ways to get past the crap we put each other through, he would love to be back together. I told him I didn’t want to feel like I was on the back burner, he said he wouldn’t do that to me and that he was capable of taking things slow and figuring it out. He said he “didn’t like himself when he makes his own decisions.” Seems kind of unstable.
He invited me over to his house, I spent the night (we cuddled and kissed but I wouldn’t let him have sex with me) He was coming on strong, he kept asking me to hang out throughout the week, up until yesterday. I had become friends again with him on Facebook and noticed he was planning on hanging out with this new girl he’d been dating next weekend…apparently she’s traveling for work this week…how convenient I was there when she wasn’t. he said he was going to cancel the plans he made with her, he wasn’t going to be hanging out with her while he was talking to me again. The next night he wasn’t acting as interested, said he was stressed. Then he texts me saying “I have all these feelings, I wasn’t thinking straight at all telling you everything I said…I'm sorry for leading you on like this but we can't get back together, it just doesn’t work.” This happened while I was at work, on a Friday afternoon. We had made plans to go camping this weekend and go to a concert, and was literally texting me Thursday afternoon that he couldn’t wait to go.
I called him right after he texted me to ask what was going on…he said he doesn’t know if he really loves me. After telling me you love me and want to be with me again all week you're going to pull this again? I have a feeling its because he wants to try things with this other girl…but I seriously feel like a piece of right now. Like he used me to build him back up after his grandfathers death and when he was feeling low, and now that I completely opened up to him telling him I hadn’t moved on in those 3 months, he goes and does this to me again. Its almost like he was testing me to see if I had moved on, and when he realized I hadn’t he just figures I’ll always be holding on, waiting for him while he can go out and do his thing.
I don’t know what to think. Maybe he really does love me and is scared, doesn’t want to grow up quite yet and continue to live his reckless lifestyle. I don’t know how you can tell someone you love them one day, then kick them to the curb like this the next day. I just really need some insight, I have no idea what to think right now. Maybe he’s torn and confused between either me or her? Ugh I need help. I feel like I'm starting over the grieving process all over again.