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View Full Version : What can I do?


Waterfalls09
Aug 17, 2012, 11:15 PM
I need advice, badly. I figured it would be better hearing things from people outside my circle who don't really know either of us. I've been with this man for 5 years, we had a daughter 2 years ago. Since then things have changed a lot. He recently told me he doesn't want to be with me, he didn't love me anymore. He's said that he wants the "spark back" that "things will work out on their own". I love this man with all my heart, I don't want to give up on us, and I don't want to lose him especially with my daughter being involved in all of this. I've changed a lot of things about myself to hopefully improve things but I don't know what more I can do fix things. This has been going on for 2 months now & I don't feel like we have gotten anywhere near being repaired, we're not even together right now. Please help!

joypulv
Aug 18, 2012, 02:36 AM
Actually, not knowing either of you hinders the ability to give advice. If you want to try to summarize your relationship in terms of what he said was missing, what you tried to do to change, and how much he is out of your lives right now, that would be a start.
Keep in mind that any lack of 'spark' is probably his fault too. He has to realize that relationships do change from romance to comfort with many shades and flavors along the way, especially after having a child. Just something as simple as him helping out around the house before going to bed means you aren't as exhausted as you would like to be when the idea of sex comes up!

Waterfalls09
Aug 18, 2012, 05:33 PM
Well I've been a stay at home mom for 2 years now, when I was pregnant with my daughter I was diagnosed with a few health issues which prevent me from being 100% all the time, and if you have ever been around a 2 year old it's quite hard to pick up every little thing all day long. He said that he just stopped loving me, and part of that is my fault I suppose, instead of working to fix issues, I decided to escape them by playing on the computer all day, which has changed, So far I've been taking better care of myself, picking up everything in the house, doing things he's suppose to do, supporting him, and showing him love. It's very complicated I suppose.

joypulv
Aug 18, 2012, 10:12 PM
So you feel that you were the main one to let the spark die, and now that he doesn't love you anymore, you have tried to make up for lost time but it isn't working? When did he say he wants it back - before or after he moved out? How much does he see you? You talk about him as though he's there every day, yet said you 'aren't even together right now.'
Keep in mind that we can't read between the lines and aren't there - you have to tell us. So far it's still confusing and vague.
One practical matter you need to attend to is child support, if you haven't yet. Starting with establishing paternity and going to Family Court for custody and payment arrangements.

Waterfalls09
Aug 19, 2012, 12:18 AM
Sorry sometimes I can be vague :)
I live with him-I have been a stay at home mom therefore I have no money.
He ended up kicking me out but a week later he let me move back in because he felt guilty for leaving me with nothing. But it's as you said-I've tried to make up for the mistakes I have made. But I truly felt he wanted nothing to do with me, so I pushed away even more, so much so that he feels it's beyond repair. We're not together, relationship wise. But I am living with him. Is it foolish to try to be with him still? I partly feel like I'm being told false hope, but on the other hand, I don't want to give up because I love him & want to be with him. I lost him before, we split up for 10 months before, (before our daughter came about) after 8 months I started coming around again & finally we were together again because I pursued him.

Homegirl 50
Aug 19, 2012, 04:37 PM
Have you two tried counseling?
Why in the world would he kick you and your daughter out.
When there are problems in a relationship it is generally both people who have contributed. To carry it all on yourself does not seem right to me.
If he says he does not want you, you can't make him but make sure he is supporting his child.

joypulv
Aug 19, 2012, 04:42 PM
This is a little frustrating because you are asking for major advice and we still have absolutely nothing to go on. Practice writing each sentence with one very specific fact in it and NO vague statements at all. We don't know what mistakes you made or why he kicked you out, and that's just for starters. You don't seem to realize that we aren't there.