I met my current boyfriend online, not on a dating site- on an online game. We were originally just friends and enjoyed each others company. Over time, things progressed. Before we ever met, I learned that he was still a virgin. He was 32 at the time. He had never had a serious girlfriend, and didn't date anyone. His last girlfriend before me was in high school. I have a lot more experience than him, and I'm only 23.

When we first met, I took his virginity. He didn't orgasm. To this day, he has not been able to have an orgasm inside of me. If I give him a hand job he can sometimes . Blowjobs have thus far been ineffectual. Lately, he just wants to finish it up himself, and can't complete until I leave the room.

Needless to say it completely kills my self-confidence. He shows no interest in vaginal intercourse. Nor anal, might I add. Even though I suggested it. He can't stay hard enough to put it in. He just says "can you help me out?" and lays back and gets his sucked for a while, before work and in the morning, and finishes in the shower.

Not to paint him as completely selfish: he does finger me from time to time. I usually have to ask or initiate it, and he gets frustrated by how long it takes so I usually just fake it.

I have NEVER had to fake it before. Originally, I could still just focus on the sensation and anyway, but now I can feel his impatience and complete lack of interest and just get a mental block.

He doesn't like kissing. He gets icked out by it. I've never encountered this before. He isn't into my breasts, though he does like my . He is a foot man, and has a self proclaimed foot partialism.

He hasn't really ever stated where he stands on gay rights, but he was raised in a very conservative, strict, religious family- so I can only guess.

He isn't a cuddler, he really doesn't seem to want to touch me very much at all.

We just moved in together, I moved across 4 states to be with him. It hasn't even been a week and things are very tense. He doesn't think any of our sexual interactions are out of the normal. He just says "we're not typical" and shrugs. In his eyes, as long as we're what does it matter if he can't in me? But to me, this is a huge problem. And his total lack of interest in me romantically really makes me wonder if he isn't closeted.

He knows that I'm an open minded person and that I completely accept gays. My grandpa is gay and has been with his partner for 25+ years. My ex boyfriend ended up being gay, and we're still civil.

Is my vagina cursed? Is my boyfriend in the closet?

I don't think he is a closeted gay, but I DO think he has either mental or medical problems that are the root of this issue.

Just because he is fairly young doesn't mean he can't have issues that commonly effect much older men...

SO unless he has had a recent and complete physical and brought this issue up to his doctor they can't be discounted.

I do however lacking that info tend to think it might be mental in nature...

A man... being a virgin until 32? There is no indication it was due to his beliefs or he wouldn't have given it up to you.

I'm taking a stab at thinking he has a high degree of social awkwardness around females... and maybe even guys. Even wall flowers have had several serious relationships well befopre that age.

With that said... I've never seen internet relationships where people travel great distances work out to move in with each other. Mostly because there is really no normal dating phase before moving to that next level to discover these sorts of things about the other.

I think he has some sexual issues from when he was younger, either not remembered or not being talked about. I think that counseling is needed here.

Gay or not, most guys will always get off with oral sex, since they can close their eyes and think of who ever they want doing it to them. ( sorry if a little too graphic here)

It also may well be a "sex is wrong and bad" thing from childhood. Poor parenting about sex is keeping 1/2 the counselors in the US working.

I feel compelled to ask why you moved so far to be with him, already aware of the sexual problems.

smoothy:
I think we can rule out any sort of physical issue because he can complete to orgasm with masturbation. He agrees with me that it is most likely a mental block, but doesn't want to try sex therapy. He wants to try something else first, I think he's just nervous about seeing a sex therapist, and embarrassed which I completely understand.

You are correct, he is very socially awkward with girls. He has no close male friends.

I hope you're wrong about the long distance thing! I've known several people on our game we play that met that way and are now married, and traveled to different countries to be together. I guess its just how dedicated you are to the person.


Fr_Chuck: Nothing too graphic imo! Haha. I just noticed that it doesn't show the words @$$ etc. Like I said just a bit ago, he is reluctant to try counseling and says he opens up to me more than anyone. This is 100% true I'm sure, because when he's with me he's completely open. This problem frustrates him too, but he doesn't let himself get worked up over it like I do.

JudyKayTee: Simply put, I love him! I've never felt more completely myself and open with someone. This may be partly due to me discovering myself and being happy alone before ever committing to him, but its great. Being with him is wonderful. We laugh, we understand and get one another. I guess I figured sexual problems were problems that could be fixed? Which is why I haven't let it scare me away yet.

I was reading other forums and threads about delayed ejaculation, which is clearly what he has, and how the partners of these men usually feel rejected and insulted that their men can't come inside them. I guess I have to realize that its not my attractiveness, and he probably isn't gay. Stop making it about me and realize its his problem and all I can do is try to help and be supportive through it.

Thank you all for your responses. I was at a low point when typing the earlier post, feeling rejected and unattractive (which must mean he's gay!) but no, it doesn't.

NOW the next step is to either figure out a regimen on my own based on web research (what he wants to do) or find a sex therapist. I'll keep you posted!

Sounds to me like he just doesn't have a lot of confidence and you deserve a better sex life.
I STRONGLY suggest sex therapy.
You shouldn't have to fake it, doll.
And no, your vagina isn't cursed. XD
I can tell you're super sweet. Best of luck to you, dear. Xo

Sounds to me like he just doesn't have a lot of confidence and you deserve a better sex life.
I STRONGLY suggest sex therapy.
You shouldn't have to fake it, doll.
And no, your vagina isn't cursed. xD
I can tell you're super sweet. Best of luck to you, dear. xo

Thanks sarahscarlett!

Definitely going to try to get him open to the idea of sex therapy. There are a couple of different sites online you have to pay for (around 50$/year) that are supposedly guides by sex therapists. Seems sketchy, but if he's too shy we might have to try it on our own first.

First, don't 'fake it'. If you aren't getting what you need, be honest with him. He thinks it isn't a larger problem than it is because he thinks you are enjoying part of it.

Second, he needs a physical. Being able to masturbate to completion does not mean there can't be a physical aspect of his issues. Though it it is probably more along the lines of being used to his own hand and being fully in control of the sensations and thoughts.

Third, you are not going to be able to fix this on your own. Don't try. He needs professional help with you there as support. You do not need the pressure of being his surrogate therapist because he wants to do everything his way. Understand that by taking on the role of 'counselor' in this relationship you will also be the one taking the brunt of the emotional backlash that comes with trying to help someone. Even if you were trained to handle the emotions and everything that goes with it, it would still be damaging to your relationship. You wouldn't be equals and your relationship is already rocky.

Fourth, his problems go beyond not being able to have sex or being able to ejaculate inside you. What you describe goes beyond social awkwardness. Can he keep eye contact? Do things need to be a certain way or he gets frustrated/upset? How does he adapt to change? When you think back, how encouraging was he about your moving to be with him?

If he isn't ready to change or put in the work needed, then he won't change. There may be underlying reasons no matter what he does he won't be able to change even if he wants it as much as you do. IF this is the way he will always be, can you handle it?

You have only lived with him for a week. How long did you date before you moved? How long have you known him? Do you have a job already or are you looking for work? I ask because I think you need to get your life on a stable footing as soon as possible. You need to be able to support yourself financially, emotionally, and mentally.

Take care of yourself so that you can be there for him as he gets the help he needs.

Take care of yourself so that you can be there for him as he gets the help he needs.


Out of greenies but, as always, cuts right to the chase - good advice, well thought out, nothing "pie in the sky."

I read it twice.

One thing to consider is not that he masturbates, but how he masturbates.

Chances are that he and internet porn have had a long and satisfying relationship. He never thought, as geeks of the stripe, that he would get a committed sexual relationship. So he just grabbed his d!ck and double clicked for porn. (Bonus points for the reference).

The problem might be in how he masturbates. Some men will go for a death grip when masturbating. Grab it hard and strangle it until it he's done. This is a very different sensation than from a vagina. So he is used to one style of masturbation and vaginal sex doesn't do it for him because it is different. There isn't the right sensation. He's masturbated himself into a corner so to speak.

The thing about this is that it is curable. No more death grips. Retrain the penis. When he is masturbating, or when you're giving him a helping hand, make sure your index finger and touch but go no tighter. Make sure both him and yourself have a loose grip. Do that for a few months and he should be better.

He sounds quite inverted and it is understandable that he doesn't really want to see counsellor or a sex therapist. Sometimes it can be daunting having someone else tell you want to do in one of the most intimate settings. Makes him feel like more of a failure and that would shatter his already fragile ego. It would be helpful and hurtful at the same time.

Try what you can but I would say that if things don't get better in a few months, a sex therapist is the way to go. It is all learning and he just needs to figure out how to do it right.

Good Luck.