I'm embarrassed to admit it, but I've come to the realization that I am pretty much a borderline alcoholic.  My dilemma is that I love my girlfriend very much, but in order to have intimate relations with her I need to numb myself. I love her and I'm attracted to her however I'm a survivor of severe sexual abuse and trauma that ended about two years ago.

  I've been seeing my girlfriend for about a year and half and I would always have a few drinks before we would meet for dinner, then throughout the night I would go to the bathroom and sneak more alcohol out of a bottle thatI kept in my purse if I knew or suspected that we were going to become intimate.  Obviously, I never wanted her to find out about anything.
Unfortunately, she told me a few nights ago she always suspected what was happening, but did not know how to bring it up. She also mentioned that she thinks that I've been through some sort of abuse. I'm so ashamed and after I got home I got rid of all the alcohol in my house and I'm going to my first support group this coming weekend.

I really want to let her know that I'm trying and I'm going to change for myself as well as for her, but I'm worried that she's put me into the category of people that she thinks will never change. Plus, she's been dealing with depression herself. I don't want to bring her down any more than I have or bring up any negative thoughts towards her, yet I want to let her know how serious I am about changing. Should I write a letter or should I speak to her over the phone... or to my dismay let time prove things?

Also I am seeing a psychologist for my trauma.

Thanks for the advice!

You can either be perfectly honest about the hiding the drinking ( and I doubt it was hide good) and the reasons, or just forget her and move on.

I would say that I don't know if you are really ready yet, sorry but you said you were borderline, and sorry you are past the border and way to the "I have a serious problem" area. You just don't see it yet.
Next you are wanting to change for her, not for yourself, so if she dumps you, will you still change or just go back to drinking for the pain.

If you want to quit for you, regardless of what happens for her, If you are willing to admit you have a seroius problem.

Our of your house is a start, if you don't go out for it, and groups are great if you can be honest with them.

I'm embarrassed to admit it, but I've come to the realization that I am pretty much a borderline alcoholic.  My dilemma is that I love my girlfriend very much, but in order to have intimate relations with her I need to numb myself. I love her and I'm attracted to her however I'm a survivor of severe sexual abuse and trauma that ended about two years ago.

  I've been seeing my girlfriend for about a year and half and I would always have a few drinks before we would meet for dinner, then throughout the night I would go to the bathroom and sneak more alcohol out of a bottle thatI kept in my purse if I knew or suspected that we were going to become intimate.  Obviously, I never wanted her to find out about anything.
Unfortunately, she told me a few nights ago she always suspected what was happening, but did not know how to bring it up. She also mentioned that she thinks that I've been through some sort of abuse. I'm so ashamed and after I got home I got rid of all the alcohol in my house and I'm going to my first support group this coming weekend.

I really want to let her know that I'm trying and I'm going to change for myself as well as for her, but I'm worried that she's put me into the category of people that she thinks will never change. Plus, she's been dealing with depression herself. I don't want to bring her down any more than I have or bring up any negative thoughts towards her, yet I want to let her know how serious I am about changing. Should I write a letter or should I speak to her over the phone... or to my dismay let time prove things?

Also I am seeing a psychologist for my trauma.

Thanks for the advice!

My friend, you are already doing everything right. By getting help, and trying to fix yourself you're proving that you want to get better. A thoughtful letter or phonecall could prove sufficient but in the end actions speak louder than words.

Stay strong!