I've been dating my boyfriend for almost two years now. He recently turned 18 years old, and his uncles invited him to go to a strip club with them. I absolutely said no. Why would I want my boyfriend going to a strip club and being grinded on by naked women? If I'm doing my job right as his girlfriend, he shouldn't need a strip club. I hate to be controlling, but he's my boyfriend and what's mine is mine. I don't care that the women there are only doing this for money and don't have any sexual interest in my bofriend. The point is, he's MY boyfriend and not another women's t grind all over. He respected my opinion and my feelings and said he wouldn't go. And believe me, I appreciate it. But his uncles have told him to lie to me and go with them and tell me he's going somewhere else. I'm terrified of this happening. I have bad trust issues, I've been used and treated ty in a past relationship and it's ruined my trust with anyone. And my boyfriend won't tell me the truth about anything if he thinks he's going to get yelled at, so he'll lie to save himself from fights. Which makes me think that if I ever let him go to a strip club, he would lie to me about what happened there. I know many people who have gone to strip clubs and cheated on their girlfriends/wives with the strippers. Is it wrong of me to not let him go? Personally I believe I am making the right choice. But I would just like to know other peoples opinions.

"should i let my boyfriend go to stripclubs?"

You're not his mother; you're his girlfriend. Why push him into corner to guarantee he will lie to you?

"should i let my boyfriend go to stripclubs?"

You're not his mother; you're his girlfriend. Why push him into corner to guarantee he will lie to you?

You're right I'm not his mother. I am his girlfriend and my views should be considered and respected just like I would respect his.

Truth be told, I used to go to such places when I was younger. The majority of guys go there to have a few beers, blow off some steam, and act like "men"... most of us don't go to such places looking to get anything from a stripper.

So what it really comes down to is that you simply don't trust him. You will need to work on this or it will eventually come up in other places in your relationship.

Truth be told, I used to go to such places when i was younger. The majority of guys go there to have a few beers, blow off some steam, and act like "men"....most of us don't go to such places looking to get anything from a stripper.

So what it really comes down to is that you simply don't trust him. You will need to work on this or it will eventually come up in other places in your relationship.

We do have some trust issues and we are both trying to work on that, but it's more the fact I'm not thrilled with the idea of naked girls around my boyfriend.

He goes and you ask honest (not panicky) questions with a smile and great charm. Ask about the food and what the girls were wearing and what color hair they had and what style and were there any uglier ones or chubby ones. Ask about the music and how big the crowd was and even go with him now and then.

So then what are you hoping to get from posting here? I'm not picking on you but I'm not sure I understand at this point what you are looking for.

So then what are you hoping to get from posting here? I'm not picking on you but I'm not sure I understand at this point what you are looking for.

I'm just looking for others opinions on it. I'd like to know if people agree with me or if everyone thinks I'm crazy for not liking the idea of this.I don't mesn to sound rude, it's just something that's really been bothering me.

Well, I don't agree with you but at the same time, I don't think you're crazy for not liking the idea.

Well, I don't agree with you but at the same time, i don't think you're crazy for not liking the idea.

So you think I should let him go then?

It's not up to me. As I said, I used to go and I never hooked up with anyone. It's just something guys do.

Also, if you tell him he can't go and his uncles work on him long enough, he will wind up going anyway. Maybe it would be better if you allowed it rather than him lying about it.

It's not up to me. As I said, I used to go and I never hooked up with anyone. It's just something guys do.

Also, if you tell him he can't go and his uncles work on him long enough, he will wind up going anyway. Maybe it would be better if you allowed it rather than him lying about it.

That's a good point. I just hope he would value our relationship more than a night at a strip club.

My husband has gone to strip clubs a couple of times since we've been together, mostly as part of a guys night out with his friends, and usually it's part of a bachelor party night.

I have no problem with it at all, because I TRUST my husband.

YOUR problem isn't strip clubs. It's trust.

Get the trust thing figured out and the strip clubs become a non-issue.

You sound VERY young. I really think you need to either trust your boyfriend or break up with him and get counseling to work on your trust issues. Because yes--you ARE controlling him, and thinking that your control will make him trustworthy.

TRUST is when you KNOW you can't control a situation but you believe the best about the people in it anyway.

So you think I should let him go then?

He doesn't need your permission to go... He is an adult. He can go if he wants to go.

So you think I should let him go then?


LET him go? The vast majority of men, upon being told they needed permission to do anything that doesn't involve cheating, would go anyway and tell you they were going or end the relationship right then and there.

He can't go somewhere with family members, other adults, because you are going to forbid it?

Far too controlling for me! Let me tell you about the man I was dating who didn't "approve" of FB and "no one he dated" would go on FB because he "forbid it." Guess what? That was the final date. And I almost never go on FB! I thought if he controls where I go on the internet, what will happen if something important happens?

He will go to strip clubs. He will be using the family or friends as a reason why he went but the truth be told, he wouldn't be going if he didn't like it.

I'll let you in on a little secret. I used to work at a strip club (although I wasn't a dancer, I was a waitress). We, dancers and waitresses alike, aren't interested in the men who go there, we are interested in the money. In the 9 months I worked there part-time, I made enough money to travel by car to Alaska and live comfortably for 2 years without working a day.

Men go there so that they can have male bonding time. Time away from their women in a masculine situation. Very few men sat up at the dance floor and oogled the strippers, most of them played pool or darts and drank beer.

So, yes, you are being very controlling. You aren't his mother, you are his girlfriend and have no right to tell him what to do. The girls there don't "grind" on men unless the men pay for it. I don't know where you live, but in many places completely naked is illegal and physical touching of the dancer to the patron is illegal as well.

If you have trust issues, the best thing you can do to resolve this is to LET him go. Show him that you trust him so that he doesn't have to hide his actions from you. With actions like that he will be less willing to go to the strip clubs because it wouldn't be considered forbidden fruit.

I'll let you in on a little secret. I used to work at a strip club (although I wasn't a dancer, I was a waitress). We, dancers and waitresses alike, aren't interested in the men who go there, we are interested in the money. In the 9 months I worked there part-time, I made enough money to travel by car to Alaska and live comfortably for 2 years without working a day.


I was a bikini witress in a club and heard all the time about women who wouldn't "allow" their husbands/boyfriends to go there. Had to laugh - I was also there for the money.

I think if women would go once they'd be bored to death.

I was a bikini witress in a club and heard all the time about women who wouldn't "allow" their husbands/boyfriends to go there. Had to laugh - I was also there for the money.

I think if women would go once they'd be bored to death. After I left that club, and I lived in Alaska, I took my current husband to one in AK frequently. It really spiced up our love life.

My boyfriend works with guys that go to strip clubs all the time and they always invite him, but he doesn't go. The first time they invited him he came home from work and asked me how I would feel about him going to a strip club with the guys. I told him if that was something he was interested in doing then to go, I didn't care I was completely fine with it. Yes he's going to see naked girls... he watches movies and porn right? Same thing, it's not like he's going home with a stripper. He's going to come home to you, going out to a strip club isn't going to make him love you any less or not find you just as attractive as he did before. But when he does get home don't drill him on it, don't be mad at him about it you'll just make him mad or feel guilty which could potentially harm your relationship. Besides he may even find out he's not really as interested in it as he thought he was. My boyfriend went and has never gone back, he said they're not all they're cracked up to be. And if you can't trust him going out with his uncles for a little while what can you trust him doing?

I would never be happy about my boyfriend going to a strip club so I don't think you're crazy. However, a one time event with family (are they celebrating his 18th birthday?) is not the end of the world.

I think you should calmly explain to him why you don't want him to go (although he should and probably does already understand why). Don't say anything about not trusting him (another issue in your relationship needing resolution btw). If he goes despite your objections and lies to you about it, then I'd say you need to find someone else.

I would never be happy about my boyfriend going to a strip club so I don't think you're crazy. However, a one time event with family (are they celebrating his 18th bday?) is not the end of the world.

I think you should calmly explain to him why you don't want him to go (although he should and probably does already understand why). Don't say anything about not trusting him (another issue in your relationship needing resolution btw). If he goes despite your objections and lies to you about it, then I'd say you need to find someone else.

I strongly disagree with your thinking you feel you can tell him what he can and can't do...

Would you be happy if HE was dictating to you who you could go out with, where you could go and give you a curfew saying he would leave you if you didn't do exactly what he said? Probibly not.

I've walked out on more than a few women that thought they could do that... and my life was far better for getting away from them too. The woman I married has NEVER told me where I couldn't go... Including strip clubs... I rarely ever go these days (too busy)... but as an adult... I get to decide when , and if.

I'm saying that there has to be mutual respect and trust. I would only be with someone who cared what I thought. What one partner thinks in a relationship should matter. If you're with someone who doesn't share your perspectives, who doesn't care what you think and who lies, then you should leave. That relationship will never be happy or healthy. It has nothing to do with the actual activity in question, it's whether you can stay together when one person is doing something that hurts the other and when you have to lie to each other to be happy.

If you have a wife that doesn't mind you going to stripclubs, then great that works for your relationship. But for the Emily121210, she doesn't like her boyfriend going to strip clubs and should be free to find someone that agrees with her. As her boyfriend will find a woman like your wife who is okay with him seeing strippers.

Women cannot control men, but they don't have to be with men that make them unhappy.

I've NEVER seen a relationship that had one or both people that felt they could dictate to the other survive very long... Resentment always results... and it WILL lead to cheating and eventual divorce or breakups...

Trying to believe otherwise only delays the inevitable and wastes time you will never get back.

I've seen many, MANY people crash and burn over the last 35years I've been active with females (I'm 50 now)... never seen or know a single person that is still with their spouse or partner that ISN'T fooling around or hasn't divorced them. Men AND women... being a control freak isn't gender specific... it can afflict either gender. And its equally destructive...

The resentment starts small and always, ALWAYS grows over time.

Anf just an FYI... there are very few places in the USA... where customers are EVER allowed to touch the strippers or have anything to do with them on or off club property without being in violation of the law which would result in HUGE fines and loss of license to the Club owners. So they don't tollerate ANY hint of something that could be viewd as breaking those laws... So the generic excuse I hear from so many women that have never been in one of these places is so very, very inaccurate.

Many of them think Places like the Old Bunny Ranch and other Nevada Brothels are in Las Vegas... when the reality is far from that...

I'm a VERY firm believer in if you have self esteme issues... they are your own responsibility to deal with... dealing with them does not equal making other people jump hoops so you don't have to face your problems... and I apply that equally to both men and women.

Don't like something... then leave... but you aren't entitled to tell another adult where they can and can't go. PARTICULARLY before there is a wedding... and even after its still somewhat limited. As unmarried adults... nobody has standing or merit to tell others what to do. Dating or engaged... just the same... Only spouses even have the right to discuss it with each other.

Knowing what your partner wants/feels and having respect for those wishes is not the same as one partner dictating to another. Like I said, it has to be mutual. That's why I also said that if their feelings about strip clubs are not mutual (which would be evidenced by him going and lying), then she should leave. There is a line between communicating and dictating.

Knowing what your partner wants/feels and having respect for those wishes is not the same as one partner dictating to another. Like I said, it has to be mutual. That's why I also said that if their feelings about strip clubs are not mutual (which would be evidenced by him going and lying), then she should leave. There is a line between communicating and dictating.


You are answering someone who thinks strippers are going to grind against her boyfriend. Her logic starts flawed.

Then you say: "I think you should calmly explain to him why you don't want him to go."

The reason she doesn't want him to go is her own insecurities and she doesn't want strippers to be grinding against him. Apparently you think he should (and probably does) understand why. I doubt he does because her opinion of what goes on in strip clubs is just that - her opinion, which is not based on fact.

You don't think her threatening to leave if "their" feelings about strip clubs aren't mutual is controlling?

I don't see a fine line between communicating and dictating. Any time anyone says, "If you DON'T do this or DO do that, I'm leaving," that person is controlling the other person's behavior.

And is OP next going to make her boyfriend wear a hood when he goes to the Mall so he doesn't see any other women there?

How about the beach? Does she allow him to go there?

That's a good point. I just hope he would value our relationship more than a night at a strip club.


So - you are 18, been dating him since you were 16, and he has two choices: the strip club or ending the relationship because that's how you want it?

I do think it's best to tell him that and end the relationship - at some point his family is going to decide you are incredibly insecure and controlling and then he's going to have to argue with them about your relationship.

Why are you so insecure and who told you that strippers grind against the customers?

Knowing what your partner wants/feels and having respect for those wishes is not the same as one partner dictating to another. Like I said, it has to be mutual. That's why I also said that if their feelings about strip clubs are not mutual (which would be evidenced by him going and lying), then she should leave. There is a line between communicating and dictating.

Where would that line be.. and who determines it?

Dictating is telling someone what to do... and not allowing for any other answer, discussion or not.

You are answering someone who thinks strippers are going to grind against her boyfriend. Her logic starts out flawed.

Then you say: "I think you should calmly explain to him why you don't want him to go."

The reason she doesn't want him to go is her own insecurities and she doesn't want strippers to be grinding against him. Apparently you think he should (and probably does) understand why. I doubt he does because her opinion of what goes on in strip clubs is just that - her opinion, which, is not based on fact.

You don't think her threatening to leave if "their" feelings about strip clubs aren't mutual is controlling?

I don't see a fine line between communicating and dictating. Any time anyone says, "If you DON'T do this or DO do that, I'm leaving," that person is controlling the other person's behavior.

And is OP next going to make her boyfriend wear a hood when he goes to the Mall so he doesn't see any other women there?

How about the beach? Does she allow him to go there?

Cripes... women like you described make my wife look better to me every day... even with her flaws... she has never gotten like that with me...

She knows what catches my eye and even points them out to me... usually before I even notice them,at the beach, at the mall OR on the street.

She after all knows who I'm going home with every night...

Where would that line be..and who determines it?

Dictating is telling someone what to do....and not allowing for any other answer, discussion or not.


Let me put this in reverse a little bit - isn't anyone concerned that the OP is so insecure that she's not allowing her boyfriend to go to strip clubs?

Honestly - I'm not threatened by other women. I just don't understand this.

This is about the immaturity of the OP - wait until he goes to one College and he goes to another, if she ALLOWS that.

Let me put this in reverse a little bit - isn't anyone concerned that the OP is so insecure that she's not allowing her boyfriend to go to strip clubs?

Honestly - I'm not threatened by other women. I just don't understand this.

This is about the immaturity of the OP - wait until he goes to one College and he goes to another, if she ALLOWS that.

"Hand waving wildly..............."


Yes... me for one.

I wasn't saying use the threat of leaving as motivation to make him change, I was saying if you're not happy, just leave (or be willing to put your feelings aside, accept that he'll do what he wants to do regardless of your opinion and stay). If her insight regarding strip clubs is wrong, then that's something he can explain when they communicate.

I wasn't saying use the threat of leaving as motivation to make him change, I was saying if you're not happy, just leave (or be willing to put your feelings aside, accept that he'll do what he wants to do regardless of your opinion and stay). If her insight regarding strip clubs is wrong, then that's something he can explain when they communicate.


That is exactly what you said: "That's why I also said that if their feelings about strip clubs are not mutual (which would be evidenced by him going and lying), then she should leave."

He either agrees with her and doesn't go or he goes and does or doesn't lie about it and she leaves.

No, she makes a decision based on his behavior. She does NOT make a threat, and say, if you go, I'll leave before he goes. He decides what he thinks is important after they've discussed things. Either he will decide her feelings matter or going to the strip club matters. If he goes and she decides she can't deal with it, then she can leave. No threatening involved, just behaviors and decision making. People make decisions about their relationships based on their partner's behaviors all the time. That's different than hanging a threat over their heads.

No, she makes a decision based on his behavior. She does NOT make a threat, and say, if you go, I'll leave before he goes. He decides what he thinks is important after they've discussed things. Either he will decide her feelings matter or going to the strip club matters. If he goes and she decides she can't deal with it, then she can leave. No threatening involved, just behaviors and decision making. People make decisions about their relationships based on their partner's behaviors all the time. That's different than hanging a threat over their heads.


Time to close - this has turned into "don't pay attention to what I said, pay attention to what I meant."

A lot of bickering, no help at all to OP.

He "decides what is important after they've discussed things." Of course, the discussion is one of us is going - you to the strip club and me out the door OR neither one of us is going.

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