Hi I'm 23 and having massive insecurities in my relationship.
My partner and I have been together for almost a year. About 8 months ago he decided to prented he was in a relationship with his ex so he could spend nearly every day with his daughter. He doesn't get to see his daughter due to his ex being very controlling and not civil. When he planned that he was going to fake a relationship with her he didn't actually tell me about it becos he thought I wouldn't understand or that I would leave him over it.. I found out by going through his phone and finding all the messages and phone calls to her. The only reason I went through his phone is becos he stopped letting me go over to his house and he very rarely come to mine. I eventually told him that I knew everything. He is going through mediation at the moment so hoping he gets more rights with his daughter soon. Since that happening and him going behind my back I have become very insecure and I'm always assuming that he is cheating on me with someone else. All of my previous partners have been unfaithful and I'm just very scared that he will do it to. I need help to concour all these doubts, disbelief and constant thoughts that he is cheating on me. He keeps saying that there is no one else but then I think back to when he lied to me about his fake relationship with his ex.

These insecurities are really torribly our relationship and I need help asap. Either some hints, tips or advice on how to stop myself from thinking it all the time.

PLEASE I NEED HELP!! Or I am going to lose him

Honey, I wouldn't want to burst your bubble, but this is an advice website and you should be well aware people will voice their opinions whether they be positive or negative. Unfortunately, mine will be negative. 8 months ago, you were only dating him for about 3 or 4 months maybe when this happened. That isn't a long period and most people aren't very serious about their relationship during that time. His excuse is one of the worst I've heard. If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't believe a word he said. BUT if he was serious, tell him to go for a custody battle. Shared custody would be the best for the girl so she can still see both her parents. If this man says you're the one and only, it wouldn't hurt for you to suggest this.

I forgot to mention that he is actually doing mediation at the moment and if the next one doesn't pan out in his favour abit more then he is taking it to court. Any ideas on how to help with the insecurities

Well, one thing has helped me was paying attention to the little things. Cooks for you, cleans for you, takes you to a movie, spends more time with you than the ex. Does he support you through a fight with parents? Does he listen to you when you have something to say? Does HE ask YOU how your day was before talking about his? If a majority of those things occur, then he probably means what he says :)

He isn't doing the fake relationship with his ex anymore it stopped about 3-4 months ago. YES he cooks for me and obviously spends more time with me then his ex, always asks how my day was... Even if he does do all of the above I still get the insecurties

He isn't doing the fake relationship with his ex anymore it stopped about 3-4 months ago. YES he cooks for me and obviously spends more time with me then his ex, always asks how my day was.... Even if he does do all of the above i still get the insecurties


Then you need to speak to a counsellor or therapist. Your original post is hard to understand. He did or didn't lie to you - or to the other woman?

I can't quite figure out what happened.

Fake relationship or not, actions are real, and some actions are expected from a real or fake relationship. Stop messing with a guy who is still involved with his ex. It is time to break up, go no contact, and move on... if he wants to get serious then he needs to stop playing.