I met this guy at work and I didn't realise it at the time but he had a crush on me. I stayed friends with him because I truly didn't know. I started to date another guy at work.

My love life gets a little complicated after this.

The guy I was dating at work turned out to be a complete dumbass. He would always make me come visit him and would refuse to meet my friends/family so I ended up becoming really distant with him. In the end, he kicked me out of his flat, when I last went round. So I broke up with him. Good riddance, right? Anyway, he ended up dating a mutual friend and consequently I had a bit of breakdown.

This is where the other guy comes into it. I met up with him in August last year when all of the hassle with my ex was finally dying down. I was still upset about it and I recognise now that I just wanted to be with someone (anyone) else after my ex.

It's nearly been a year with this other guy and the same problems are happening all over again. (He always makes me come visit him where he lives, do the things that he wants to do and not make any effort etc…)

Except, this time, I can't break up with this man.

Early on in our 'relationship', I found out that his father died when he was 20 years old. Sadly, 10 years on, his mother passed away. It was (and still is) absolutely awful. She passed away in September 2011. I was with him on the day he found out she passed away and I made it a priority to go and see him whenever I could until the run up of the funeral in November 2011. I met her only a couple of times so, even though he asked me to come to her funeral, I didn't go because we discussed it and we came to the conclusion that it would be awkward because his ex was going to be there. I completely understand that we only just newly sleeping together but I really wanted to be there for him. In fact, I thought at the time that I should have gone with him to his mother's funeral but it wasn't what he wanted so I didn't. However, after the funeral, he rang me and asked me to come to the wake which was at his house. When I got to the wake, he completely ignored me. He didn't say one word to me. He just blanked me.

He just stayed close to his ex the entire time. She hates me even though I have never spoken to her in my life. One of his mates told me that his ex-girlfriend spoke to them about me and that she was speaking ill of me. (Turns out the guy had told his ex that I was some girl who had a crush on him. Don't ask me why.) He kept going off with her upstairs and having heart-to-hearts (apparently, according to one of his friends). Even though she cheated on him and that is why they broke up, I don't know why the guy still talks to her and sees her (to this day).

Anyway, when he ignored me, I was just so confused that I left. I was without a doubt upset about his mother's passing but I couldn't tell anyone because I didn't know a single person except him. I just wanted to be there for him. I booked time off to be with him but I went home because he was with his ex. I still think that he may have slept with her that night but I can't ask him about anything that happened that night because it just upsets him and he told me to never mention the funeral / wake to him ever. I feel silly that I wanted to be the person that he held at the end of the night. I had obviously got way too attached and I think if anything him rejecting me then was probably the right thing to do for the both of us.

Anyway, I don't really trust him and I can't bring up why he ignored me because he was obviously going through the roughest time ever but I am constantly thinking about it amongst other things that he's done.

From the beginning, he would always say that we weren't going out and that I wasn't his girlfriend whenever his friends asked him. I understood at the time that we only just sleeping together for a few months but I took it really personally. Especially, after his mum's passing and I was just doting on him. Since September 2011 up until now, we've been on one date in the entire relationship. I think it's because initially we just constantly arranged to meet up at his place and I just went along with it. He still meets up with his ex and talks to her on the phone. On his birthday, in February 2012, he asked his brother to de-tag photos of us together, which I just found absolutely ridiculous and embarrassing.

What should I do? I've kept quiet for too long. I just want to talk to him but I'm too scared. What do you do when you have (substantial and constant) doubts?

Starting at the top, you always go to him, little effort on his part, he expects it and you comply.
He was, in your own words, anyone to be with.
After almost a year if you can't talk to him about your concerns then you don't have an open, honest line of communication.
If you want to know about the contact with the ex, you'll have to ask.
You can ask about the ex without bringing up the day of his mothers' wake,
He denies your relationship to his friends, this speaks volumes.
Face the fact that you two were just not meant to be together and move on, it won't be easy, break ups suck.
But you will get over it.

Those doubts are trying to tell you something, why are you not listening.

Ask yourself why you keep holding on to guys when you see early on they are not going to make you happy? Ask yourself why you are so attracted to these relationship losers?

Ask yourself WHY you compromise your own dignity, and self respect just to have someone? Do you need a man THAT bad that any will do? Or is your own self esteem wrapped up in having some one??

A total, complete, brutally honest self evaluation is highly recommended to identify some changes you can make. You don't seem to love yourself enough to me. Otherwise you would NEVER let someone devalue you the way you have. A woman with such a big heart, and nurturing nature should NEVER give her heart to some one that not only doesn't deserve it, but knows what to do with it.

You have done this twice and that should be enough for you to figure yourself out, and love yourself FIRST!

Ask yourself why you keep holding on to guys when you see early on they are not going to make you happy? Ask yourself why you are so attracted to these relationship losers?

Ask yourself WHY you compromise your own dignity, and self respect just to have someone?? Do you need a man THAT bad that any will do? Or is your own self esteem wrapped up in having some one???

A total, complete, brutally honest self evaluation is highly recommended to identify some changes you can make. You don't seem to love yourself enough to me. Otherwise you would NEVER let someone devalue you the way you have. A woman with such a big heart, and nurturing nature should NEVER give her heart to some one that not only doesn't deserve it, but knows what to do with it.

You have done this twice and that should be enough for you to figure yourself out, and love yourself FIRST!

I second Talinam, by the way long time no see! I haven't been on for a while.

For the OP, I think you need to be single and find out what YOU want in a significant other, and if that person can't be the person you want/need then move on. Life is short, stop wasting your time dating crummy guys that make you feel like poop.

A key sentence I found in all this is the one about how you doted on him after his mother died. I somehow get the feeling that you dote a lot anyway and perhaps turn men off with too much, too soon.