I'm 13 and I want a boyfriend because I want to kiss him in the rain and tell him everything but when I'm with the lads I like the think of me as "one of the guys" so I don't know how to get a boyfriend.

First, will your parents permit you to have a boyfriend? You need to talk to your parents about when you can start with boys.

Second. Try not to grow up so fast. You are being influenced by the media who make it seem that romance is so great. A romantic relationship is nice, but you really need to be more mature to understand and appreciate it.

You are still a child, enjoy it.

My parents are fine with it

I have to grow up I don't have time to be a kid in my family

The really, really smart thing to do right now until these lads mature a bit more (maybe get to be 16 or 17 or even older--and you grow up more too) is to be friends with them. Find out what they like to eat and what sports they like and what about cars and girls too. Be sure you can throw a ball the right way (not "like a girl") and be able to kick a soccer ball around in a good way for your team and know how to change the oil in a car and how to take apart a carburetor. Learn how to cook and bake things that boys like to eat--pizza and brownies and cookies and BBQ. Ask your mates to teach you stuff. They will be happy to do it, and it will make them feel important.

Then, by the time you are old enough to date and you have your parents' blessing for it, you will be in such a good situation with everything you know about how to connect with and relate to boys. That's what I did when I was your age, and once I started to date, I never had any problems getting a date or having boyfriends. The boys loved me because they knew I knew them inside and out, so they were very comfortable with me.

Sssssh, this is our secret. Don't tell your mates what I said.

The really, really smart thing to do right now until these lads mature a bit more (maybe get to be 16 or 17 or even older--and you grow up more too) is to be friends with them. Find out what they like to eat and what sports they like and what about cars and girls too. Be sure you can throw a ball the right way (not "like a girl") and be able to kick a soccer ball around in a good way for your team and know how to change the oil in a car and how to take apart a carburetor. Learn how to cook and bake things that boys like to eat--pizza and brownies and cookies and BBQ. Ask your mates to teach you stuff. They will be happy to do it, and it will make them feel important.

Then, by the time you are old enough to date and you have your parents' blessing for it, you will be in such a good situation with everything you know about how to connect with and relate to boys. That's what I did when I was your age, and once I started to date, I never had any problems getting a date or having boyfriends. The boys loved me because they knew I knew them inside and out, so they were very comfortable with me.

Sssssh, this is our secret. Don't tell your mates what I said.
Thanks for your advice but I know everything about these lads and like I have shifted them but they still don't like me in the way I like them

Thanks for your advice but I know everything about these lads and like I have shifted them but they still don't like me in the way I like them
You missed my point. You have these lads as your trainers. You won't necessarily date them later. And they are very immature right now and don't want to get into emotional stuff. Girls mature faster than boys, and they don't catch up with girls until the 20s.

You missed my point. You have these lads as your trainers. You won't necessarily date them later. And they are very immature right now and don't want to get into emotional stuff. Girls mature faster than boys, and they don't catch up with girls until the 20s.
OK but do you have any advice on how to get a boyfriend when I'm 13 because I still want one
I was recently dumped and I'm ready for a new boyfriend

I have to grow up I don't have time to be a kid in my family

I haven't a clue what that means. But it makes me sad for you.

ok but do u have any advice on how to get a boyfriend when I'm 13 coz I still want one
I was recently dumped and I'm ready for a new boyfriend
That is what is going to happen at your age--boyfriend after boyfriend will dump you because guys your age don't know how to be a good boyfriend. There's not much chance of having a steady boyfriend until you are older, maybe in your late teens.

Why do you want a boyfriend now and get dumped all the time?

That is what is going to happen at your age--boyfriend after boyfriend will dump you because guys your age don't know how to be a good boyfriend. There's not much chance of having a steady boyfriend until you are older, maybe in your late teens.

Why do you want a boyfriend now and get dumped all the time?

Well I don't date lads my age and I don't always get dumped

So you have a steady boyfriend now?

I haven't a clue what that means. But it makes me sad for you.

It means I have other siblings so I have to be like a mother to them you know like I feed them I clean them I clean up after them I buy them clothes etc...

So you have a steady boyfriend now?

No I was dating a dude for like 2 months but then he decided we were to different so he recently dumped me

It means I have other siblings so I have to be like a mother to them ya know like I feed them I clean them I clean up after them I buy them clothes etc...
Buy them clothes? You drive and have money? You're not in school?

well I don't date lads my age and I don't always get dumped

If you don't always get dumped then you're not single now.

How did you meet your last boyfriend?

It means I have other siblings so I have to be like a mother to them ya know like I feed them I clean them I clean up after them I buy them clothes etc...

That doesn't mean you have to rush growing up in other areas. In fact it means you should embrace your childhood even more where you can.


No I was dating a dude for like 2 months but then he decided we were to different so he recently dumped me

You weren't "dumped". This is the thing about relationships at your age. They are short termed and ephemeral. They aren't real.

Buy them clothes? You drive and have money? You're not in school?

Ha I don't drive... I have a summer job and yea I'm in school but my mam has enough things to worry about than buying clothes for my little siblings so I do it for her

What kind of summer job?

If you don't always get dumped then you're not single now.

How did you meet your last boyfriend?

I was at the lake and he saw me so he came up and started to talk to me

What kind of summer job?

I help out at the vet and I walk dogs and I work at the yard (car yard)

That doesn't mean you have to rush growing up in other areas. In fact it means you should embrace your childhood even more where you can.

You weren't "dumped". This is the thing about relationships at your age. They are short termed and ephemeral. They aren't real.
Ok so what would you call it

There was never a real relationship in the first place.

There was never a real relationship in the first place.

So him asking me out making me feel special taking me to dinners none if that was real

It wasn't a relationship.

So him asking me out making me feel special taking me to dinners none if that was real

At 13 there's no such thing as a romantic relationship. At least there shouldn't be.

I don't understand why you need a boyfriend so much. What is lacking in your life that you have such a burning need to be with someone? Can't you just be on your own for a while, enjoy life, enjoy being a teen?

There are only a few things you absolutely need in life. Air, water, food, a roof over your head, and enough money to provide for those things. But no one "needs" a boyfriend.

At 13 there's no such thing as a romantic relationship. At least there shouldn't be.

I don't understand why you need a boyfriend so much. What is lacking in your life that you have such a burning need to be with someone? Can't you just be on your own for a while, enjoy life, enjoy being a teen?

There are only a few things you absolutely need in life. Air, water, food, a roof over your head, and enough money to provide for those things. But no one "needs" a boyfriend.

Happiness is lacking in my life and I never said I need a boyfriend I said I want one you know to kiss in d rain and tell him everything

Happiness is lacking in my life and I never said I need a boyfriend I said I want one ya know to kiss in d rain and tell him everything
Boys don't like to kiss in the rain and listen to girls tell them everything. You need to learn what boys like.

A boyfriend won't fill that emotional hole you have.

Happiness is lacking in my life and I never said I need a boyfriend I said I want one ya know to kiss in d rain and tell him everything

Wow, that's quite the specific wish list. I've been with my husband since I was 19, over half my life. Not once do I remember kissing in the rain. It certainly wasn't the reason I dated him, or married him.

If there is something lacking in your life, a boyfriend won't fill that void.

You can't always get what you want, you shouldn't always get what you want.

I don't think you're ready to date, just because of that one statement "I want one ya know to kiss in d rain and tell him everything". That to me is a very immature reason to want a boyfriend.

Why not wait until you actually meet someone interesting?

Wow, that's quite the specific wish list. I've been with my husband since I was 19, over half my life. Not once do I remember kissing in the rain. It certainly wasn't the reason I dated him, or married him.

If there is something lacking in your life, a boyfriend won't fill that void.

You can't always get what you want, you shouldn't always get what you want.

I don't think you're ready to date, just because of that one statement "I want one ya know to kiss in d rain and tell him everything". That to me is a very immature reason to want a boyfriend.

Why not wait until you actually meet someone interesting?

Eh yea ino its not going to fill it and I have met someone interesting and smart and funny and caring but we tried to go out and it only lasted a year because he moved and it wasn't meant to be but I still reli lyk him

Boys don't like to kiss in the rain and listen to girls tell them everything. You need to learn what boys like.

A boyfriend won't fill that emotional hole you have.

Ha so I saw it in a movie and now that's my big dream to kiss a lad in d rain ha and I'm not stupid ino he won't fill that emotional hole on my life ha

You dated, one or both of you decided its wasn't for the long term so you stopped. You will go though this many more times, until you meet someone where it will feel real.

Ha so I saw it in a movie and now that's my big dream to kiss a lad in d rain ha and I'm not stupid ino he won't fill that emotional hole on my life ha
Yup. I figured you saw it in a movie. Wrong place to find out about life and love. Movies are fantasies, not real life. Like I said, no lad will kiss you in the rain. Lads don't like to get wet and will think you are going bonkers.

Ha so I saw it in a movie

Exactly you saw it in a movie, it looked romantic, but its not REAL!

Yup. I figured you saw it in a movie. Wrong place to find out about life and love. Movies are fantasies, not real life. Like I said, no lad will kiss you in the rain. Lads don't like to get wet and will think you are going bonkers.
But I've already done it

Exactly you saw it in a movie, it looked romantic, but its not REAL!

How old are you

You dated, one or both of you decided its wasn't for the long term so you stopped. You will go though this many more times, until you meet someone where it will feel real.
Both

Eh yea ino its not goin to fill it and I have met some1 interesting and smart and funny and caring but we tried to go out and it only lasted a year coz he moved and it wasn't ment to be but I still reli lyk him
So you dated a guy for a year, how long ago was that?
I think you are too young to date. You are lacking something in your life and looking for someone to fill it.

You are lacking something in your life and looking for someone to fill it.
Check her other threads. Here's one:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/children/how-make-your-mam-proud-689185.html

Check her other threads. Here's one:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/children/how-make-your-mam-proud-689185.html

Yep, this is a sad situation.

Hun take your time, having a boyfriend is the last thing you need in your life.

Yep, this is a sad situation.

Hun take your time, having a boyfriend is the last thing you need in your life.
How is it a sad situation

How is it a sad situation

You're cutting yourself, so desperate to have a boyfriend that you asked how to get one online. Your mom is fed up with you, because you're not being a good kid.

How is that not a sad situation?

You're cutting yourself, so desperate to have a boyfriend that you asked how to get one online. Your mom is fed up with you, because you're not being a good kid.

How is that not a sad situation?
Im not desperate I think its easier to take advice off a stranger than someone I know
My mom isn't fed up of me I'm working my way back up to her level of respect
I cut myself because it's a bad habit and I'm getting help sooo I don't think it's a sad situation... what's sad is someone judging yo when they only know what you've done NOT what you've been through

what you've been through
What have you been through?

What have you been through?

A lot I'm not going to say everything but ilk say a few things...
I was sexually abused as a child
I watched my dad die in front of me
I have been beaten by an ex step dad
I have lost some of my siblings
I have been bullied in school
And it goes on but I'm not going to say anymore

A lot im not gonna say everything but ilk say a few things ...
I was sexually abused as a child
I watched my dad die in front of me
I have been beaten by an ex step dad
I have lost some of my siblings
I have been bullied in school
And it goes on but I'm not goin to say anymore
Have you reported the abuse and beatings and bullying? Gotten counseling for any of this?

Have you reported the abuse and beatings and bullying? gotten counseling for any of this?
Yes and yes like I said before I'm getting help in everything and I'm getting better

I was not judging you. I was saying all of these questions you are asking, all of these concerns you have is a sad situation. If all of these things you just mentioned has happened, it is a sad situation.

I was not judging you. I was saying all of these questions you are asking, all of these concerns you have is a sad situation. If all of these things you just mentioned has happened, it is a sad situation.

But its not really like all of these things happened for a reason.
Nothing is an accident
And all those things that happened aren't that sad it kind of shows my true colours... A little scared little who can't say to someone "No"

I find all of these things happening in the life of a 13 year old sad, then coupled with this need you have to have a boyfriend to kiss you in the rain and all the other post of yours, show a lonely young girl. I find that sad. Not in a judging way, but as a mom, a 13 year old life should not have that much grief.

But its not really like all of these things happened for a reason.
Huh?

Nothing is an accident
Double huh?

And all those things that happened aren't that sad it kind of shows my true colours... A little scared little who can't say to someone "No"
Triple huh?

Please explain all that.

A lot im not gonna say everything but ilk say a few things ...
I was sexually abused as a child
I watched my dad die in front of me
I have been beaten by an ex step dad
I have lost some of my siblings
I have been bullied in school
And it goes on but I'm not goin to say anymore

I was molested from the age of 5 to around 12 by my cousin.

I was raped at 18.

I watched both my parents die in front of me, 6 months apart.

I was beaten by multiple idiot boyfriends, have a lovely scar on my forehead from a guy that bashed my head into the windshield of his car because I wouldn't have sex with him. When my head broke his windshield he was so angry that he beat me up some more He was a prince compared to some of the others.

I never had siblings. When my parents dies, I was on my own.

I was bullied at school.

I used sex as a way to numb myself from feeling all the things I went through, in other words, I let guys use and abuse me, because I thought I deserved it for "allowing" myself to be molested and raped.

There's more... but like you, I won't post it.

In other words, I've been there, done that. Now you're doing it.

When you first asked how to get a boyfriend, my initial reaction was "this girl needs a boyfriend, just like you needed one". The thing is, I never needed one. I wanted one because I was afraid to be alone, and I wanted someone to show me that I was better than what others had treated me like. Sadly most of them showed me the opposite.

Is that why you want to be kissed in the rain? You're looking for romance, hoping it's better than what you've already been through.

You need therapy. You need help. You do not need a boyfriend, and you shouldn't have one until you have yourself figured out.

What you want doesn't exist, because it's not about any guy. No guy, no kiss in the rain, none of that will fill the void. None of that will help. You need to fix you! You need help.

I was molested from the age of 5 to around 12 by my cousin.

I was raped at 18.

I watched both my parents die in front of me, 6 months apart.

I was beaten by multiple idiot boyfriends, have a lovely scar on my forehead from a guy that bashed my head into the windshield of his car because I wouldn't have sex with him. When my head broke his windshield he was so angry that he beat me up some more He was a prince compared to some of the others.

I never had siblings. When my parents dies, I was on my own.

I was bullied at school.

I used sex as a way to numb myself from feeling all the things I went through, in other words, I let guys use and abuse me, because I thought I deserved it for "allowing" myself to be molested and raped.

There's more....but like you, I won't post it.

In other words, I've been there, done that. Now you're doing it.

When you first asked how to get a boyfriend, my initial reaction was "this girl needs a boyfriend, just like you needed one". The thing is, I never needed one. I wanted one because I was afraid to be alone, and I wanted someone to show me that I was better than what others had treated me like. Sadly most of them showed me the opposite.

Is that why you want to be kissed in the rain? You're looking for romance, hoping it's better than what you've already been through.

You need therapy. You need help. You do not need a boyfriend, and you shouldn't have one until you have yourself figured out.

What you want doesn't exist, because it's not about any guy. No guy, no kiss in the rain, none of that will fill the void. None of that will help. You need to fix you! You need help.
Omfg I'm getting help like and its okay now
A lad I like asked me ou so I won't need anymore answers
And its terrible what happened to you it is but I'm not trying to get a boyfriend because it takes the pain away from what I've been true like I have felt what love feels like everyone has no matter what age and I get that feeling when I'm with this lad

Omfg I'm getting help like and its okay now
A lad I like asked me ou so I won't need anymore answers
And its terrible what happened to you it is but I'm not tryin to get a boyfriend coz it takes the pain away from what I've been true like I have felt what love feels like everyone has no matter what age and I get that feeling when I'm with this lad


No, it's not okay now - you cut yourself and you're proud of your scars, so proud that you brag about them. https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/mental-emotional-health/why-do-people-cut-themselves-689162.html

I can't imagine any "lad" wanting to get involved with you on any level.

Alty put it very clearly - you enjoy the attention and you are very transparent. If we can see it, "lads" can see it.

Ha so I saw it in a movie and now that's my big dream to kiss a lad in d rain ha and I'm not stupid ino he won't fill that emotional hole on my life ha


No, I don't think you do know this.

You need some serious, professional help.

I think if all your threads were combined it would add some background to this story.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/mental-emotional-health/why-do-people-cut-themselves-689162.html
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/children/how-make-your-mam-proud-689185-2.html

I think you have a lot going on in your life. You don't need a boyfriend. The drama that could comes with that complicates your life even more.

No, it's not okay now - you cut yourself and you're proud of your scars, so proud that you brag about them. https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/mental-emotional-health/why-do-people-cut-themselves-689162.html

I can't imagine any "lad" wanting to get involved with you on any level.

Alty put it very clearly - you enjoy the attention and you are very transparent. If we can see it, "lads" can see it.

Them I enjoy what attention

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/mental-emotional-health/why-do-people-cut-themselves-689162.html
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/children/how-make-your-mam-proud-689185-2.html

I think you have a lot going on in your life. You don't need a boyfriend. The drama that could comes with that complicates your life even more.
My life isn't complicated

My life isn't complicated
Let me see:

1. school
2. family
3. counseling for being sexually abused as a child, watching your dad die in front of you, being beaten by an ex step dad, losing siblings, being bullied in school, and it goes on but you're not going to say any more
4. cutting deep enough to leave scars
5. wanting a boyfriend
6. wishing for a romance like in the movies
7. dealing with a new boyfriend and keeping him interested
8. wanting to find ways for your mom to be proud of you after you disappointed her terribly by doing something bad

em I enjoy what attention


In the event this is a question and not a statement you enjoy the attention cutting gets you - starting with how proud you are of your scars.

Anyone interested in "being" your boyfriend is going to run for the hills when he sees your scars and realizes you have, at best, issues.

Lemme see:

1. school
2. family
3. counseling for being sexually abused as a child, watching your dad die in front of you, being beaten by an ex step dad, losing siblings, being bullied in school, and it goes on but you're not going to say any more
4. cutting deep enough to leave scars
5. wanting a boyfriend
6. wishing for a romance like in the movies
7. dealing with a new boyfriend and keeping him interested

You left out disappointing her mother. Oh, and kissing in the rain.

And she doesn't need any more (or anymore) answers - "A lad I like asked me ou so I won't need anymore answers"

You left out disappointing her mother. Oh, and kissing in the rain.
I wasn't finished yet -- had to check back so I used the right words -- see my previous post. You are too speedy! I didn't realize someone was lurking! My point about romance like in the movies was the kissing-in-the-rain scene.

Lemme see:

1. school
2. family
3. counseling for being sexually abused as a child, watching your dad die in front of you, being beaten by an ex step dad, losing siblings, being bullied in school, and it goes on but you're not going to say any more
4. cutting deep enough to leave scars
5. wanting a boyfriend
6. wishing for a romance like in the movies
7. dealing with a new boyfriend and keeping him interested
8. wanting to find ways for your mom to be proud of you after you disappointed her terribly by doing something bad

Okay so I see where you're coming from

I wasn't finished yet -- had to check back so I used the right words -- see my previous post. You are too speedy! I didn't realize someone was lurking! My point about romance like in the movies was the kissing-in-the-rain scene.


- And that's why we're partners.

- And that's why we're partners.
Judy, Judy, Judy!! I was typing as fast as I can! I'll have to finish before I post, I guess, and not go back to add more.

I wasn't finished yet -- had to check back so I used the right words -- see my previous post. You are too speedy! I didn't realize someone was lurking! My point about romance like in the movies was the kissing-in-the-rain scene.
I disappointed my mother by trusting her with my secrets and what do u mean lurking?

I disappointed my mother by trusting her with my secrets and what do u mean lurking?
Judy is my favorite lurker. She was lurking and watching me.

I disappointed my mother by trusting her with my secrets and what do u mean lurking?


Lurk | Define Lurk at Dictionary.com (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/lurk)

Lurk | Define Lurk at Dictionary.com (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/lurk)
Oh... Em so are you calling me the lurker?. I'm kind of confused now

Oh .... Em so are you calling me the lurker? ... I'm kinda confused now
No, she is not. She is giving you the definition.

Are you always this paranoid?

No, she is not. She is giving you the definition.

Are you always this paranoid?
No she said "someone is a lurker" or something so I was just wondering

No she said "someone is a lurker" or something so I was just wondering
I said that about lurking. It was a joke between Judy and me. .

Stop texting -- last warning. I've been cleaning up your English and am tired of it.

I said that about lurking. It was a joke between Judy and me. .

Stop texting -- last warning. I've been cleaning up your English and am tired of it.
Em OK then sorry... Em what's wrong with my English I'm 13 and not the smartest one so... What's a mod?

Em ok then sorry ... Em what's wrong with my English I'm 13 and not the smartest one so... What's a mod?
Thank you for typing in full words and sentences!

At your age, you should be very good with spelling and writing, even if you aren't the best student in class. I know that; I was a teacher.

A mod is a moderator who is like a site mom or dad, someone who keeps order and watches members' behavior and language--and then takes action, if necessary.

Thank you for typing in full words and sentences!

At your age, you should be very good with spelling and writing, even if you aren't the best student in class. I know that; I was a teacher.

A mod is a moderator who is like a site mom or dad, someone who keeps order and watches members' behavior and language--and then takes action, if necessary.
Oh I get what a mod is now thanks and I can't spell good because I have a problem... Something begging with d that I can't spell

oh I get what a mod is now thanks and I can't spell good because I have a problem ... Something begging with d that I can't spell
Sorry beginning

oh I get what a mod is now thanks and I can't spell good because I have a problem ... Something begging with d that I can't spell

Your spelling is perfectly fine when you make an effort to do it and not be lazy. Of course, I could complain about your lack of punctuation...

Your spelling is perfectly fine when you make an effort to do it and not be lazy. Of course, I could complain about your lack of punctuation....
Haha sorry but does my punctuation really matter?

Haha sorry but does my punctuation really matter?


Apparently it does. It does make you look - uneducated, even for 13.

Apparently it does. It does make you look - uneducated, even for 13.

Okay but I'm not good at punctuation

Okay but I'm not good at punctuation
Oh, you will be, you will be. :D

When you don't use punctuation, your words run together. It makes it difficult to follow your line of thought.

When you don't use punctuation, your words run together. It makes it difficult to follow your line of thought.
Oh okay

Oh okay
Oh, okay.

See how that works with punctuation?

Oh, okay.

See how that works with punctuation?
No? Is it not the same thing?

No? Is it not the same thing?
Why not? Of course it is. And now it's correct.

Punctuation is very important. It's the different between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse, and helping your Uncle Jack, off a horse.

See the difference?

I gave her some of your extra commas, Alty.

I gave her some of your extra commas, Alty.

LOL! I know, I'm not one to criticize punctuation. But I write like I talk. I put commas where I want a pause.

Now be honest. You've never not known what I was trying to say. Right?

This is from someone's blog (dangerous idea: On the importance of commas (http://dangerousidea.blogspot.com/2009/06/on-importance-of-commas.html)) --

My mother would often call me to the dinner table with the words “Come and eat Victor.” However, as that sentence stands, it would certainly provide a good reason for me to avoid the dinner table or even call Child Protective Services on my parents. Fortunately, the true implications of the sentence would be brought out by a comma in written language between the words “eat” and “Victor” ("Come and eat, Victor.") suggesting that perhaps fried chicken, and not fried little boy, was on the menu.

Now be honest. You've never not known what I was trying to say. Right?
I knew what you were saying, but I shuddered. And you seem like such a nice woman, too.

I knew what you were saying, but I shuddered. And you seem like such a nice woman, too.

LMAO! I am. Well, I can be, when the mood strikes.