I was with someone for over 5 years and I sabotaged my relationship and dated someone else right after, for who knows exactly why. I think I was going for the bigger and better and realized I had the bigger and better right in front of me. I feel horrible inside so that relationship or whatever you may call it lasted 5 months. I tried to rekindle my past a couple months after, and it was going fine. Yet to know that my 5 year relationship was needing help with things in her personal life, and of course I was the one that always took care of our financial booking keeping etc. So she didn't have anywhere else to go.

Well after all that I felt as if we could get back together and she kept me at a distance of course I would too if I was dropped really fast. But, I tried to speak to her and make things better but she wasn't having it. I tip toed around it and maybe I was not too forward where I should have been but I figured grabbing lunch, dinner etc. Would be a good way to rekindle what we had but I never succeeded.

So now I finally told her how I felt 4 months ago and what I wanted and she said NO! That's not going to happen. She gave me the benefit of the doubt to speak cordially with one another but of course the person that I am I drove it further and wanted more. I never loved someone so much in my life and I would do anything for. I am not in my 20's we are in our 30's and it's been 3 years and I can't shake this off.

I write letters as being friends and that's what I want but no response. I called her about a week and I asked if I she got my letter and she did but I noticed I caught her off guard. So I pulled back and said sound like your busy I can respect that we can chat some other time. BTW, she has my number blocked. I use my friends phone to call. It just makes me feel as if I did the worst thing ever and I mean nothing to her. I've done writing, I write all the time, I get my feelings out. Hope there is something new someone can tell me??

Here are a lot of ideas to help you let go, and it starts with complete No Contact by you.

Relationships - Ask Me Help Desk (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/)

Read the stickies.

Thank you for your time and response this is probably the hardest thing I have gone through. When it comes to my professional life I'm head on. When it comes to my past relationship and how I am feeling it hurts me so bad that it drives me crazy. I speak with my friends as there good a sounding board for me but getting an external advice helps. I just want to find me again in my personal life and I do compare and think in the past but I know she has moved on and I haven't but I am making strides but I get stuck. Thanks again..

How does anyone deal with your ex blocking you from everything. Meaning fb, phone calls , etc. do you make it as she's having a hard time coming across me or she's truly over me? I guess I may never know the truth as we have gone back and forth a dozen times or so. But , this time it is different. I feel like I'm fighting an up hill battle. I want her back but, I don't want to beg and that's how it's coming across. I'm pathetic. Actually I'm just hurt in every which way:( any advice? I'm trying to move on but it is so hard. It's been almost 3 years. I feel she hates me or maybe she wants me to move or she odviously has. But, she has the time to block me? Sucks!

Leave her alone, she wants no more contact from you. Didn't read the stickies huh?

Leave her alone, she wants no more contact from you. Didn't read the stickies huh?
Yes, I did I was just processing things. That's all!! There hasn't been any contact just reminising

Leave her alone, she wants no more contact from you. Didn't read the stickies huh?
Talam-
How do I send you a private message ?

You're taking the right step by ending all communication. I blocked my ex on Match and my cell because it was just too painful. I didn't want to hear from him or know anything about him. I also didn't want him to know anything about me.

The only reason you haven't moved on after 3 years is because you were in touch a few months ago. You picked off the scab so to speak. Keep living and doing what you need to do and in time this will all be a thing of the past.

You can't be friends. It'll hurt too much to hear whether she's happily involved with someone else. I've found it helpful for the moving on process to help others. It's very rewarding and makes you feel good about yourself.

You're taking the right step by ending all communication. I blocked my ex on Match and my cell because it was just too painful. I didn't want to hear from him or know anything about him. I also didn't want him to know anything about me.

The only reason you haven't moved on after 3 years is because you were in touch a few months ago. You picked off the scab so to speak. Keep living and doing what you need to do and in time this will all be a thing of the past.

You can't be friends. It'll hurt too much to hear whether she's happily involved with someone else. I've found it helpful for the moving on process to help others. It's very rewarding and makes you feel good about yourself.
Yes, she has blocked me maye she just wants to heal herself. Well I have been busy with work and with my friends. It's tough it's more my issue with this because I am a "fixer" than to just let things be. Any advice helps:)

Another thing... if she happens to hit you up at some point DO NOT RESPOND. I doubt she will but stranger things have happened. I'm here to tell you if you do respond you'll either get a sweet message back and miss her all over again or she'll be short and weird which will cause you to feel hurt and let down yet again. At least this has been my experience when I foolishly and idiotically responded to these attempts in my past. Horrible idea and you'll regret it.

Go no contact, something you should have done the day of the break up. You made your bed and it is time for you to lie in it. Decision have consequences, you let this relationship go for a temptation, and it was a mistake... it is OK, we ALL make them. You need to move on from this, the longer you talk to her, the longer you keep this false hope going for you, the longer it will take for you to heal from this, relationship healing only happens when there is a relationship, when a break up happens, the relationship is not longer alive.

Another thing...if she happens to hit you up at some point DO NOT RESPOND. I doubt she will but stranger things have happened. I'm here to tell you if you do respond you'll either get a sweet message back and miss her all over again or she'll be short and weird which will cause you to feel hurt and let down yet again. At least this has been my experience when I foolishly and idiotically responded to these attempts in my past. Horrible idea and you'll regret it.
Your so right! She probably won't which is fine. Not really or else I would be lying to myself. Which is lame. I'm dreading my birthday it's next week. Living in hope which I know it's not good at all for the mind body and soul. I'm trying my best. Those awkward moments totally suck! That's for your feedback I really do appreiciate it you have no idea. If she does which I happen to agree that she won't I won't pick up as hard as it is going to be... Thanks so much again. Sometimes I feel like I'm a freak but I'm letting myself feel for once:)

I know it's hard to believe this but everything truly does work out the way it is supposed to. Enjoy your birthday and all the birthday wishes you receive. Those are the individuals that love and care for you. You're not a freak. I literally laid on the couch and drank myself into an oblivion for three days after my last breakup. I don't recommend the drinking part HA

As far as having hope, that will dissipate in time. Yep, that's the way to go re: I won't pick up. Even though I blocked mine I found out that AT&Ts blocking service does not work with iOS5 and my ex was able to get through. He sent me a text about 5 weeks after we ended things and like a fool I responded (politely and pleasantly I might add) only to get a really short, curt, nasty message back. It sucked and it sent me into a state of confusion and despair. Had I just ignored it and let it go I would've stayed in the happy place I was in. This was awhile back and we have never spoken since which is how I intend to keep it. Do the same and you'll be rewarded.

I know it's hard to believe this but everything truly does work out the way it is supposed to. Enjoy your birthday and all the birthday wishes you receive. Those are the individuals that love and care for you. You're not a freak. I literally laid on the couch and drank myself into an oblivion for three days after my last breakup. I don't recommend the drinking part HA

As far as having hope, that will dissipate in time. Yep, that's the way to go re: I won't pick up. Even though I blocked mine I found out that AT&Ts blocking service does not work with iOS5 and my ex was able to get through. He sent me a text about 5 weeks after we ended things and like a fool I responded (politely and pleasantly I might add) only to get a really short, curt, nasty message back. It sucked and it sent me into a state of confusion and despair. Had I just ignored it and let it go I would've stayed in the happy place I was in. This was awhile back and we have never spoken since which is how I intend to keep it. Do the same and you'll be rewarded.

That's crazy the same thing happen to me I went to the AT&T store and I have an iPhone and had the same problem. So at this point it is what it is. When we were talking she was probably just talking to me to get things done which I did. I took care of everything taxes, cars, and etc so now that she doesn't need me. I was shoved aside needless to say I did play the let's me friends "role" which of course exploded cause I couldn't handle it and told her what I wanted. Then she was like that's cute and all but it's not going to work. I was like great I explode to her with my feelings well it hasn't happen in a while. Over a month ago I sent a letter saying " I'm right in front of you" never heard back. I feel like a stalker but I have now tried to peddle forward. I just get stuck . Thanks for sharing I thought I was alone feeling this way. Good advice. The drinking thing don't feel bad I have done it too. Ur not alone.

It may help you to feel better if you can recognize your part in this. You initially left her to date someone else. Don't fill yourself up with guilt and regret but do consider the possibility that she felt totally hurt and that could very likely be the reason why she'd never take you back. Some people will never look back once they get burned.

The friends thing is out of the question so give up on that notion. In two of my past relationships we became friends a few months after we initially broke up. Both segued into getting back together and inevitably the demise. There is a few years of my life that I could've been with someone better suited for me instead of returning to something comfortable. It's probably a blessing that you don't get back together because there was a reason why you let her go to begin with.

Try getting back out on the dating scene. It'll take your mind off her and who knows, you could meet someone that you like even more :-)

It may help you to feel better if you can recognize your part in this. You initially left her to date someone else. Don't fill yourself up with guilt and regret but do consider the possibility that she felt totally hurt and that could very likely be the reason why she'd never take you back. Some people will never look back once they get burned.

The friends thing is out of the question so give up on that notion. In two of my past relationships we became friends a few months after we initially broke up. Both segued into getting back together and inevitably the demise. There is a few years of my life that I could've been with someone better suited for me instead of returning to something comfortable. It's probably a blessing that you don't get back together because there was a reason why you let her go to begin with.

Try getting back out on the dating scene. It'll take your mind off her and who knows, you could meet someone that you like even more :-)
Advice taken!! I will try slowly. I'm not a good person to date one to the next. The other thing was is that I was initially pissed when we broke up. She initially walked away and of course I turned into a J@&"! And I shut down and wanted nothing from her then of course I realized the person I was suppose to be with was right in front of me. I was an idiot.. Well life has its courses and that was one of them. Thanks for taking the time to chat. This has helped me today as today was one of those days... I will try to get out there.


Go no contact, something you should have done the day of the break up. You made your bed and it is time for you to lie in it. Decision have consequences, you let this relationship go for a temptation, and it was a mistake... it is ok, we ALL make them. You need to move on from this, the longer you talk to her, the longer you keep this false hope going for you, the longer it will take for you to heal from this, relationship healing only happens when there is a relationship, when a break up happens, the relationship is not longer alive.
Great point! Yes, I am slowly moving forward just not fast enough but, I am feeling what I am suppose to feel right now. I am lying in my bed it just sucks that's all. If I could take it back I would but , now that I think about it I sabatoged it without thinking odviously there was something I was not getting. Well it is what it is. I haven't had contact for about a month. U know to break a habit it takes 3 weeks lets just hope I keep it that habit at bay. I just need to be healthy. I have made a huge mistake and that's what hurts the most. It will take time... I'm learning the thing is I'm 34 not young anymore but we met in out 20's. So it was pretty profound love!

Advice taken!!!! I will try slowly. I'm not a good person to date one to the next. The other thing was is that I was initially pissed when we broke up. She initially walked away and of course I turned into a J@&"!! And I shut down and wanted nothing from her then of course I realized the person I was suppose to be with was right infront of me. I was an idiot.. Well life has its courses and that was one of them. Thanks for taking the time to chat. This has helped me today as today was one of those days.... I will try to get out there.

You don't have to get into a relationship. Dating can be casual and fun.

If this was the person you were meant to be with then you would be with that person.

The grieving process is not linear but you will find that as time progresses you'll have more good then bad days.

Take care of yourself!

You don't have to get into a relationship. Dating can be casual and fun.

If this was the person you were meant to be with then you would be with that person.

The grieving process is not linear but you will find that as time progresses you'll have more good then bad days.

Take care of yourself!

It's all a motion . Thanks for taking the time to email back and forth with some great advice. When I feel week I will refer to these emails and advice and try to make it easier for my pain to slowly go away. I do appreciate your time :)

Not a really a question but wanted to put this out there. It's been about 2 months since my last update and my ex. I just wanted to say with no communication it has been 100% better. I have had temptation but have been very hesitant about making any sort of move. Since I know it will set me back. It was my birthday about 2 weeks ago and I got no call from my ex. Man did that day suck! But, it also taught me something if it's meant to be it is meant to be and I guess it just isn't right now. I do wish she called:( but, what can I do. I'm not going to force something if it's not suppose to be. It was lonely because the one person I wanted to talk to and would have made my day was her. Bummer! I just wanted to put it out there. I do remember to good and get angry about the past but I'm putting it in a little spot inside of me and keeping it for safe storage. I won't be able to express it because we are not seeing eye to ey and she doesn't want to speak with me. So what I have done was to go cold turkey which is a shock to her . I think? But, she might be in shock I haven't made the efforts or maybe she doesn't care. The million dollar question and answer is I am finding Piece within me and keeping it in my " safe special place". I will always care for her but what is healthy and I'm healthy now is to keep this space. Thanks all for the advice!!

Hope all is well


Threads have been merged.

Good going keeping it real and getting your head on right. Stay on this path, and you will be all right soon.

Good going keeping it real and getting your head on right. Stay on this path, and you will be alright soon.
@talaniman- how long would you think? Or is there no answer to that?

It really depends on how well you embrace your own healing and put your life back together and cope with your own broken heart. Easier said than done and not a smooth process, but a lot of ups and downs.

There is no set time that it will be completely over with, as memories can last a lifetime, but from experience, it's the next big event that will push you forward. No telling when that is but you have your own fate in your own hands.