Padamc92
Jul 28, 2012, 03:13 AM
I'm 19 years old and 4 days ago my girlfriend of a year and a half broke up with me for reasons I don't fully understand and she won't talk to me to explain it to me. I'll start at the beginning. We met on myyearbook and started talking. After about a month of talking everything was going good so we decided to date. We lived about an hour away from each other so it was pretty much a long distance relationship starting. We would see each once maybe twice a week and it was working out great. When we saw each other we rarely fought and it just an absolute joy being around. I loved her so much and I would look forward to each day we were together.
The only about her that I didn't like was that her best friend was a guy that she at one point had feelings for. She told about what happened between them, that they both liked each and were going to date until at the last moment he stopped and decided not to because of her age (she was like 15 and he was around 17 or 18 I think) and that was it, no more lovey dovey feelings for him (or so she told me). He let her down so easy apparently that they became fast friends and would hang out and talk about anything.
I'll admit I was kind of jealous at the idea of my girlfriend having such a good relationship with another man. But I pulled it together and sacrificed my personal feelings for her happiness. I never once came between any of her friends at least in my opinion. I might have gotten a little mad or jealous if she decided to go and spend the night or the day with them instead of me because since she was still in school and had a job she worked at after school, during the week I only saw her late at night when she got home (which was like an hour or so because she had to go to bed) so I would get mad because that was even less time for us to spend together.
Anyway up to this point we had been living together quite a while. I had moved in with her and her mom about 2 months after I graduated in 2011 so about August 2011 was when we moved in together. We lived at her mom’s for a couple months and decided that we would have more "freedom" at her sisters so we moved there in November of 2011 and stayed there until she graduated in May 2012. Toward the end of the time spent at her sisters we decided that we couldn't get the "freedom" we wanted there as her and I were having numerous fights about her sister and her and her sister were having more and more fights about everything. So in early June 2012 we moved an hour away to my grandmothers and the plan was for us to save our money and buy our own place. However the plan took a little while longer to get started because it took so long for us to both find work. This is when the problems that she explained to me (in minimal detail I might add) started happening between us. It all came to a head this past weekend.
She had had plans for a couple weeks to go to the lake with some of her family. However she also made plans to take her male friend that she had once had feelings for. When she was making these plans I didn't get mad and voice any disagreement with the plan so everything happened as it was supposed she left on Friday afternoon and was supposed to come back either Sunday evening or Monday. Well as the weekend went along she started talking to me less and less which irritated me because here we are dating and she can't even send me a reply to a text message. I guess all my jealousy for her and her male friend boiled over and on Sunday, the day she was supposed to return I turned an *** (which I never do, I'm a nice guy not an *** which is what attracted her to me). Anyway we stopped for a few hours because she was packing her things to come back at around 2:40 ish. It usually take about 2 hours to get from the lake they were at to her hometown which she had to go to first to take her friend home. The plan was for her to have her friend change then she was going to come home. We started texting again at around 10:30 at night because I was wondering if she was on her way yet. Turned they had just changing her oil right before I texted her. Keep in mind I texted her and she told me they had just got to her friend’s house at 7:30 so I figured they'd get her oil changed by 8:30 or 9 and she would get started home.
Well she decided to stay at her friend’s house for the night which bothered me but I had learned that in order to avoid a fight sometimes I had to keep my mouth closed. I tried to get some sleep but couldn't so I texted her to see if she was up (this was at about 12:45 ish). She was and after a few texts she explains that she and her friend are trying to pull an "all nighter". This made me even more jealous as in the entire time that we dated she had never hinted at the idea of an all nighter with me. Going along with the whole weekend my mind started playing the "what if" game on me and I started driving myself crazy with worry. So we started having an argument. During this all the truth comes out. I voice my displeasure at being ignored for pretty much the whole weekend and I start telling her things that should've remained unsaid. One of the biggest mistakes I made was to bring up her male friend. Now at this we hadn't had much sexual contact at all in the past couple weeks and I knew from experience watching my friends' relationships that that is a one way ticket to disaster because bad things tend to happen when you have all that sexual energy pent up inside you. My girlfriend is not the type of girl that would ever cheat. I knew that when we were arguing and I know that but something was in my head telling what if and I just couldn't stop myself from saying something about him. I didn't come out and accuse her of cheating but even mentioning the idea caused her to go over the edge. That's when she dripped the break up bomb on me.
At this point my whole body just shut and hit the floor because I didn't see it coming. I must've blacked out because from moment she said breakup I don't remember a thing. The next thing I remember I'm in the kitchen with a knife in my hand. I'm shocked to see it and snap I throw the knife down and run back upstairs. At this point my girlfriend isn't speaking to me so I look back and see all these horrible messages I sent about death and losing her and being alone forever. I'm shocked because I'm not the type to hurt myself over anything. I'll admit I had entertained the thought of suicide before we dated because I was bullied relentlessly at different school and I was lonely with no girlfriend at the time. Anyway things went ahead for the rest of the night and the next day she texts me (she won't let me call her. I don't know why) and tells me to text what I have to say and she's listening so I do. I pour my heart and soul out to her explaining everything that went on and how sorry I am for everything.
However it doesn't seem to affect her at all as she stills wants to come get her stuff the next day and she wants me to quit talking to her and give her space for a while so she can think. So I agree but after a day or so I'm so sick with worry that it's going to end that I cave in and start talking to her about everything. About all the promises to never give up in each other and the promises to talk to one another and work things out if things started getting bad. Anyway it's been a few days since she's come and got her things and we had a few minutes and talked about why this happened. She gave specific reasons she’s breaking up with me. (1) She's unhappy. Well this surprised the hell out of me because the promises we made each other included one that we said we would talk things over if things started going south and she wasn't talking to me at all. (2) She misses her family. I understand because I left my family for her but what's surprising is that when we moved away from her family she was happy and supportive of moving but now she says she never wanted to and she just wants to be back with them. (3) She says I hate her family. Ok this is only partly true. I don't hate her family but in the whole month that we lived away from them they never once made an effort to come see her or help her in any way but if she didn't come see them every chance she got it was a fight. I also dislike them sometimes with how they treated her before we moved away but that’s a different story altogether. Now all three of these reasons don't make sense to me simply because they seem to be things that we can work through and it seems like she just gave up on the promise to work together and she just doesn't want to try anymore which hurts because I know that she isn’t the type of person to just give up.
Now I know I've made a lot of mistakes in this relationship and I've apologized for each of them. That's all I can do is apologize. But it kills me to think that what we had might be over between us. She told she just wants time to think right now and if we're meant to be together then we will be. But I know that rarely works in real life and when it does it works because both people want it and every vibe I'm getting from her is telling me that she doesn't want it right now.
I'm trying to cope with everything but it's hard because we were the best of friends. I remember the conversations over the phone about nothing in particular and calling each every night before bed just to hear each other’s voice and I really miss those times. I know in my heart that we're meant to be together and I'm trying my absolute hardest to fix it but she won't answer my texts or anything. All my friends are telling me to just quit talking to her and give her time like I promised I would and she should come around once she's thought about everything. But my mind is once again playing the "what if" scenario because every time I get on Facebook I see her name and her posts and I've noticed that every night this has been going on she's been staying at her male friends house. And just recently I saw her post on Facebook said "life is pretty good right now" which killed me because my life has turned to hell since she left. I still love her with all my heart and want so bad to have her back in my arms again but I know that if I don’t quit pushing her then she'll turn her back on me completely and I can't have her out of my life for good.
So what I writing this for I guess is advice on how to handle this breakup or rough patch or whatever our relationship is going through right now. So please help! Any advice is appreciated.
P.S.
Sorry this is so long I just wanted to explain the situation completely so the best advice could be given. Also I know that I messed up big time so please if you give advice is gentle in me please. If you have to explain anything about what I did wrong then please do so in the most polite way possible. Thank you.
The only about her that I didn't like was that her best friend was a guy that she at one point had feelings for. She told about what happened between them, that they both liked each and were going to date until at the last moment he stopped and decided not to because of her age (she was like 15 and he was around 17 or 18 I think) and that was it, no more lovey dovey feelings for him (or so she told me). He let her down so easy apparently that they became fast friends and would hang out and talk about anything.
I'll admit I was kind of jealous at the idea of my girlfriend having such a good relationship with another man. But I pulled it together and sacrificed my personal feelings for her happiness. I never once came between any of her friends at least in my opinion. I might have gotten a little mad or jealous if she decided to go and spend the night or the day with them instead of me because since she was still in school and had a job she worked at after school, during the week I only saw her late at night when she got home (which was like an hour or so because she had to go to bed) so I would get mad because that was even less time for us to spend together.
Anyway up to this point we had been living together quite a while. I had moved in with her and her mom about 2 months after I graduated in 2011 so about August 2011 was when we moved in together. We lived at her mom’s for a couple months and decided that we would have more "freedom" at her sisters so we moved there in November of 2011 and stayed there until she graduated in May 2012. Toward the end of the time spent at her sisters we decided that we couldn't get the "freedom" we wanted there as her and I were having numerous fights about her sister and her and her sister were having more and more fights about everything. So in early June 2012 we moved an hour away to my grandmothers and the plan was for us to save our money and buy our own place. However the plan took a little while longer to get started because it took so long for us to both find work. This is when the problems that she explained to me (in minimal detail I might add) started happening between us. It all came to a head this past weekend.
She had had plans for a couple weeks to go to the lake with some of her family. However she also made plans to take her male friend that she had once had feelings for. When she was making these plans I didn't get mad and voice any disagreement with the plan so everything happened as it was supposed she left on Friday afternoon and was supposed to come back either Sunday evening or Monday. Well as the weekend went along she started talking to me less and less which irritated me because here we are dating and she can't even send me a reply to a text message. I guess all my jealousy for her and her male friend boiled over and on Sunday, the day she was supposed to return I turned an *** (which I never do, I'm a nice guy not an *** which is what attracted her to me). Anyway we stopped for a few hours because she was packing her things to come back at around 2:40 ish. It usually take about 2 hours to get from the lake they were at to her hometown which she had to go to first to take her friend home. The plan was for her to have her friend change then she was going to come home. We started texting again at around 10:30 at night because I was wondering if she was on her way yet. Turned they had just changing her oil right before I texted her. Keep in mind I texted her and she told me they had just got to her friend’s house at 7:30 so I figured they'd get her oil changed by 8:30 or 9 and she would get started home.
Well she decided to stay at her friend’s house for the night which bothered me but I had learned that in order to avoid a fight sometimes I had to keep my mouth closed. I tried to get some sleep but couldn't so I texted her to see if she was up (this was at about 12:45 ish). She was and after a few texts she explains that she and her friend are trying to pull an "all nighter". This made me even more jealous as in the entire time that we dated she had never hinted at the idea of an all nighter with me. Going along with the whole weekend my mind started playing the "what if" game on me and I started driving myself crazy with worry. So we started having an argument. During this all the truth comes out. I voice my displeasure at being ignored for pretty much the whole weekend and I start telling her things that should've remained unsaid. One of the biggest mistakes I made was to bring up her male friend. Now at this we hadn't had much sexual contact at all in the past couple weeks and I knew from experience watching my friends' relationships that that is a one way ticket to disaster because bad things tend to happen when you have all that sexual energy pent up inside you. My girlfriend is not the type of girl that would ever cheat. I knew that when we were arguing and I know that but something was in my head telling what if and I just couldn't stop myself from saying something about him. I didn't come out and accuse her of cheating but even mentioning the idea caused her to go over the edge. That's when she dripped the break up bomb on me.
At this point my whole body just shut and hit the floor because I didn't see it coming. I must've blacked out because from moment she said breakup I don't remember a thing. The next thing I remember I'm in the kitchen with a knife in my hand. I'm shocked to see it and snap I throw the knife down and run back upstairs. At this point my girlfriend isn't speaking to me so I look back and see all these horrible messages I sent about death and losing her and being alone forever. I'm shocked because I'm not the type to hurt myself over anything. I'll admit I had entertained the thought of suicide before we dated because I was bullied relentlessly at different school and I was lonely with no girlfriend at the time. Anyway things went ahead for the rest of the night and the next day she texts me (she won't let me call her. I don't know why) and tells me to text what I have to say and she's listening so I do. I pour my heart and soul out to her explaining everything that went on and how sorry I am for everything.
However it doesn't seem to affect her at all as she stills wants to come get her stuff the next day and she wants me to quit talking to her and give her space for a while so she can think. So I agree but after a day or so I'm so sick with worry that it's going to end that I cave in and start talking to her about everything. About all the promises to never give up in each other and the promises to talk to one another and work things out if things started getting bad. Anyway it's been a few days since she's come and got her things and we had a few minutes and talked about why this happened. She gave specific reasons she’s breaking up with me. (1) She's unhappy. Well this surprised the hell out of me because the promises we made each other included one that we said we would talk things over if things started going south and she wasn't talking to me at all. (2) She misses her family. I understand because I left my family for her but what's surprising is that when we moved away from her family she was happy and supportive of moving but now she says she never wanted to and she just wants to be back with them. (3) She says I hate her family. Ok this is only partly true. I don't hate her family but in the whole month that we lived away from them they never once made an effort to come see her or help her in any way but if she didn't come see them every chance she got it was a fight. I also dislike them sometimes with how they treated her before we moved away but that’s a different story altogether. Now all three of these reasons don't make sense to me simply because they seem to be things that we can work through and it seems like she just gave up on the promise to work together and she just doesn't want to try anymore which hurts because I know that she isn’t the type of person to just give up.
Now I know I've made a lot of mistakes in this relationship and I've apologized for each of them. That's all I can do is apologize. But it kills me to think that what we had might be over between us. She told she just wants time to think right now and if we're meant to be together then we will be. But I know that rarely works in real life and when it does it works because both people want it and every vibe I'm getting from her is telling me that she doesn't want it right now.
I'm trying to cope with everything but it's hard because we were the best of friends. I remember the conversations over the phone about nothing in particular and calling each every night before bed just to hear each other’s voice and I really miss those times. I know in my heart that we're meant to be together and I'm trying my absolute hardest to fix it but she won't answer my texts or anything. All my friends are telling me to just quit talking to her and give her time like I promised I would and she should come around once she's thought about everything. But my mind is once again playing the "what if" scenario because every time I get on Facebook I see her name and her posts and I've noticed that every night this has been going on she's been staying at her male friends house. And just recently I saw her post on Facebook said "life is pretty good right now" which killed me because my life has turned to hell since she left. I still love her with all my heart and want so bad to have her back in my arms again but I know that if I don’t quit pushing her then she'll turn her back on me completely and I can't have her out of my life for good.
So what I writing this for I guess is advice on how to handle this breakup or rough patch or whatever our relationship is going through right now. So please help! Any advice is appreciated.
P.S.
Sorry this is so long I just wanted to explain the situation completely so the best advice could be given. Also I know that I messed up big time so please if you give advice is gentle in me please. If you have to explain anything about what I did wrong then please do so in the most polite way possible. Thank you.