I am a 27 year old female in Texas. I have been married since I was 19. I have an IRA and a 401K from my last job that I was planning to rollover into the IRA. My husband does not have either or know how much I have in each. I don't have any substantial amount of cash. I do have a "secret" bank account that I have been able to put $100. A month in but I have only had it for a few months so I am close to $900. -nothing substantial. My husband is horrible with money and if he knew I had that, it would be gone. I have recently interviewed for a job in Arizona which I feel pretty confident about getting an offer from. The original plan was that my husband would help me move there. Now, he may lose his job so I really can't rely on that. I would like to separate. If I get the job offer, I fear I won't be able to get there. They are not offering relocation assistance. The only way I see a way is to cash the 401K. I have heard of taking loans on 401K's but I don't think I could just use a portion, I think I will need it all, less for taxes and penalty fees. I believe I could leave the IRA in tact. I would not normally plan on cashing it out, but I really don't see any other option and I think I am still young enough to start saving again, after I get out of this situation. I don't know what it costs to cash it, when to pay taxes, where/how to pay and how long it takes to get it or if I am even able. If possible, I would like to pay all of the fees up front and be free and clear of that debt rather than putting it off. What do I need to know about doing this if I can, or is there any other option someone else may see? Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks!

My honest advice is that the two of you should see a counsellor very urgently and perhaps also a financial advisor. You are making major decisions here and it probably makes sense not to make them quite so fast and not to make them in the emotion of it all.

If you both commit to changing the way you run your finances, you can make a lot of progress because you are still young.

Usually, it is a very bad idea to break into your 401(k) savings to finance current expenditures. Are you sure that the new job really be worth it? What would happen if you spent the money and the new job did not work out?

Please think about getting some counselling because I hate to think that you may end up regretting it. All the best with your situation.

Oh, I want to clarify... I am not choosing to separate due to his financial iresponsibility with our finances. That is a separate issue and is not a decision I made in short term. There is much more to it than that. We have already done professional counseling and now it's a matter of my wellbeing. I am not asking for relationship advice, but financial advice.

You can probably borrow the money to make the move. You will be able to deduct some of the costs of the move.

Putting the moving costs on a credit card is a BETTER option than breaking into the 401K or IRA to pay them. The tax liability for an early IRA/401K withdrawal can hit 50%.