I am a 21 year old woman, who has been in a relationship with my 20 year old boyfriend for about a year and a half. We moved in together this past February, but before that he basically lived with me at my parents- never left, and when he did it was only for one day at a time. We've spent nearly every day together for the past year and before that we were best friends for nearly four years and had feelings for each other nearly the entire time. We had a really good friendship, though it was different than any other friendship I'd ever had and that was probably due to how much I felt for him and vice versa. He is the most emotionally supportive, intuitive and honest person I have ever met and that's why I feel in love with him.

When we first got together- we had sex nearly every day, let's say 5 times a week. That only started changing when we moved in together. Over the last five months, 5 times has turned to 2- if I'm lucky and that's not from lack of trying. A few months ago, he started working for this theme park near where we live- it's a really great job but it's a lot more demanding than any job he has ever had before. At first, I thought he was cheating on me with this girl that he had been texting (it was happening basically all day every day) but after me pouring my heart out to him and telling him that's what I thought, he assured me that there was no one he would want to be with that wasn't me. He said that if he wanted to cheat, he would break up with me because he's just not that kind of guy. I believe him, completely. And after that talk (including the week after) we had sex at least twice a day. And then it just stopped again. For a month, we only had sex about four times minus one day off we had together where we never left our bed. But then, we didn't have sex for nearly two weeks. So I got concerned again. Is he not attracted to me? Does he want to have sex with someone else? I wasn't sure what was going on so I went on his computer after his two days off, and looked in his internet history. It turns out, while I was at work and he was at home on his days off for the past month- he had been watching an excessive amount of internet porn. I shook it off, men masturbate frequently. I know that, and it's not really the masturbating that bothers me- it's that he would rather masturbate than have sex with me. It's not as if I'm over weight or not good looking. I like to think I'm pretty fit for my age, and on the better looking side than most people I know. Often my male friends tell me that I'm "hot" or "gorgeous" and they would "totally bang me if I was single" so I don't think it's me.

A few days ago, he told me he was going for a shower- usually his showers last about ten minutes but this time he took his computer and cell phone with him. That's something that he's only done once before but I never really thought anything of it. He had the water running in the shower, and his music playing from his computer but he was gone for nearly 45 minutes. Which makes no sense really. I thought at first he was shaving, because it usually takes him a bit longer in the washroom if he's doing that. But when he came out he was COMPLETELY unshaven. The only other reason I can think of that he would take so long was because he was masturbating. Needless to say, this really hurts. The fact that he would rather watch porn on his laptop in the bathroom then have sex with his willing girlfriend who is in the NEXT room makes me feel inadequate and really upset. Lately, when I try to initiate sex I'm usually told that he's tired or that we'll do it in the morning. I understand he works nearly 10 hours days every day, but if he has time to masturbate then why doesn't he have time to have sex? I don't have a problem with masturbation, I think it's necessary sometimes because at times you just need that orgasm and it can be easier to do it yourself than to wait for other people to do it for you. No one knows your body like you do. However, I'm not entirely into masturbation myself. I do it sometimes, it's just I get off more to getting him off than just orgasming myself.

I'd like to say something to him about it, but I don't know how to bring it up. I know that it's probably going to result in a fight, but at this point I think it's more important to feel better and know what's going on, than to sit here and have it eat at my mind. I love him deeply, and I do not want to break up with him or cheat on him or anything like that, but I am feeling so unsatisfied in our sex life. And now to add to that, I feel disgusted with myself because I don't look like those girls in the pornos, and it feels like he isn't attracted to me anymore. Maybe our sex life has gotten boring for him? Do you have any advice? Or anything I could do to spice it up in the bedroom? Honestly, I am open to anything right now (with the exception of a threesome- I am not open to that at all, I don't share well.)

Yeah spice it up in the bedroom, what do you think he would like? Come on, you know him... As far as the porn watching go, just tell him you don't feel like it should replace you, and although you are not angry at him for watching it, that you are feeling left out. How about maybe watching it with him? If you can't beat it, join it.

Yeah I think invite yourself there and watch together

Just be up front. Ask if he is still interested in you. And maybe sex isn't what you relationship needs? Usually relationships are better without it. But just casually bring it up. Tell him ot bothers you to think he isn't sexually attracted to you anymore. Just find out how he feels. It should help

Wow, Im sorry your going through this. I am in a similar situation. My boyfriend of over two years has been working at a demanding job and has become more depressed, stressed and intimately distant. After talking to him about his porn habit and lack of intimacy with me, I found out the reason why. In my situation it had to more to do with his inner turmoil than our relationship.
Approaching the subject with him when he is in a caring mood (i.e. towards you) is an ideal time. I understand how it makes you feel about the fact that someone you love is oogiling unrealistic women. But you have to remind yourself that this person is with you because they love you, they are not with some silicone fake whore. Tell him that you have noticed how less your both have been intimate with another and how his porn viewing habits make you feel unattractive in his eyes. (also its selfish, but would rather not mention this to him in the discussion) If he really loves you, he will show it, he will affirm that whatever he is going through you still rock his world. If he fails to give you an answer that shows you as less, then you deserve better. No matter how much you love someone, love should be a mutual thing (physical and emotional). As for the lack of intimacy, approach the subject as it is affecting "our relationship" and "you (not him)", don't make it seem as though he is "not man enough", he has to see that sex has more to deal with you connecting as 2 people that love each other, rather than quenching a carnal thirst. One also has to bear in mind that men can also be as insecure as we are, they can have their own demons and insecurities that affects their close relationships. You may come to find out something more about him that he maybe dealing with secretly.
I wish you all the best