We have been together 9 years, married for 1. About a month ago I discovered that she had taken interes in someone else, placid & polite as I usually am with her, I confronted her & she said that she has been unhappy for years & I've neglected her, the spark has gone. We agreed to try to fix things, mainly me not choosing my friends over her as I now realise the error of my ways, I'm 100% committed & now, I can't get close enough to her, I love her so much but I'm now smothering her. Since the confrontation, her way with me has completely changed, it feels like she doesn't love me, she doesn't say it anymore, she prefers time with her friends now, she doesn't say thank you for anything, neither of us have much money but I give up everything for her (&always did financially) but it seems she doesn't really understand how I feel , I've told her but she either doesn't believe me, or doesn't care. Either way, she says she's trying but it will take time, but I don't believe she just forgets to say she loves me or say thank you, because it always.used to be in her nature. She's a different person now & I don't know how to be around her & its killing me inside. Please help?

We have been together 9 years, married for 1. About a month ago i discovered that she had taken interes in someone else, placid & polite as i usually am with her, i confronted her & she said that she has been unhappy for years & ive neglected her, the spark has gone. we agreed to try to fix things, mainly me not choosing my friends over her as i now realise the error of my ways, im 100% committed & now, i can't get close enough to her, i love her so much but im now smothering her. since the confrontation, her way with me has completely changed, it feels like she doesnt love me, she doesnt say it anymore, she prefers time with her friends now, she doesnt say thankyou for anything, neither of us have much money but i give up everything for her (&always did financially) but it seems she doesnt really understand how i feel , ive told her but she either doesnt believe me, or doesnt care. either way, she says shes trying but it will take time, but i dont believe she just forgets to say she loves me or say thankyou, because it always.used to be in her nature. Shes a different person now & i dont know how to be around her & its killing me inside. please help?

She's apparently been unhappy and has felt neglected for 9 years. You aren't going to "fix" that in a short period.

You've been together a long time - talk to her, ask her what she needs/wants to feel close again.

Communication is the only way to know.

I asked what she wants/needs to feel close to me again, she said she really doesn't know, its feels like her heart & head want different things & she really feels that we need space for her to miss me again. Does she want to want me or does she need to decide whether she wants me? I dare not pester her asking for more detail all the time, help please!

You do not pester her at all. You spend months giving her proper attention. And perhaps she will see you have changed.

You do not pester her at all. You spend months giving her proper attention. and perhaps she will see you have changed. thank you