Hello: I am an abused parent too. With a 38 and 36 year old. Being called a loser, b__tch,etc and a lot worse, I am heart broked, I raised my children, sacraficed for them and my grandchildren of my daughter, and I am still treated this way. I just want to thank the website and everyone out there whom has responded to others going through the same experience, for letting me feel not so alone in this. Yes, I agree , we should just move on and not look back, but so hard it is... at least now I feel like I am not alone...

How do you walk away from your grandchildren, when the abusive parent allow them to call and ask, and ask to come over and stay for days at a time, and the parent refuses to talk to you while they are there, or to mingle with you or regard any of your concerns about yourself, her life and all. A son that acknowledges in one breath that there is a problem. And at a time of need tells you not to bother him with your nonsense as he is not getting involved, my husband, the stepdad does not really get involved unless I insist, and then it is very midioka, like answering the phone... in dismay... because I asked him too... my concern is my grandchildren, I have explained the situation to them and I am afraid they will be damaged mentally by all this,, do I just ignore their phone calls too?? the older one, 14, at times despite knowing the situation is constantly put in a comprimising position, between mother and grandmother, when I complain to her she tends to side with me , but then at times gets arrogant and defends her mom, as she does have to get her permission to do what she wants,, and a lot of times her mom just gives her her way so she can do what she wants... the kids get thrown around if they are not here staying at friends houses while the mom has her social life, these are the things I compalin to my daughter about... and if I complain to my son about it he gets abusive toward me tells me to leave him alone... a big mess... he is a whole another story, can be good at times helping around the house with projects, but as soon as we disagree, very verbally abusive...

You stop trying to tell them how to live their life, don't complain about what and how they do things. If kids are really being "abused" report it to CPS and deal with what happens.

You don't like being treated abusive, they most likely don't like being treated like children.

'.. these are the things I compalin to my daughter about.. '

They are none of your business, and your son certainly doesn't want to hear them.
If your daughter uses you as a baby sitter but won't hear your complaints, either she has to stop or you have to stop, or both of you have to stop! You are feeding off each other's needs and resentments and meddling, and it's giving me a headache.

the older one, 14, at times despite knowing the situation is constantly put in a comprimising position, between mother and grandmother, when I complain to her she tends to side with me , but then at times gets arrogant and defends her mom,

So let me get this straight. She is allowed to 'side with you'
But if she sides with her own mother, she is automatically arrogant.

You need to back off. And CERTAINLY quit putting the children in between you and their parents. It is NOT your place to tell anyone what to do or how to live their lives.