My boyfriend and I have been dating now for almost a year and a half we had a great sexual relationship at first he is 4 years younger than me now it turns out that he chooses porn and his hand over me... it's gotten to the point where I am very frustrated. I don't know what to do. I always have been a very sexually active person.. wtf

Ask him - if he PREFERS to masturbate to porn you need to address it.

A girl or a woman who as respect for herself and her mental and physical health can't keep being sexually controlled by the sexual drive (or the absence of it) of someone else. I don't mean that everything has to be your way but you might find useful confronting him with it. Maybe he's the kind of guy who needs to be put in the place of answering the question to realise what he as done to you. If he's too tired or has some complex, then help him. If he doesn't know how to answer and ignore that you are being deprived of some of the happiness of having a romantic relationship, then make it clear that you want him to decide porn or you. I mean, porn addiction is a real issue and you wouldn't want to live whit it (instead of the person), I guess...

Maybe, he thinks you are trying to get pregnant. And he isn't on board with the idea.

It's definitely not a pregnant thing, I don't want anytime soon.

It's definitely not a prego thing, I don't want anytime soon.


Maybe it's not about you wanting to get "prego." Maybe he's just plain afraid that you will (get "prego").

A girl or a woman who as respect for herself and her mental and physical health can't keep being sexually controlled by the sexual drive (or the absence of it) of someone else. I don't mean that everything has to be your way but you might find useful confronting him with it. Maybe he's the kind of guy who needs to be put in the place of answering the question to realise what he as done to you. If he's too tired or has some complex, then help him. If he doesn't know how to answer and ignore that you are being deprived of some of the happiness of having a romantic relationship, then make it clear that you want him to decide porn or you. I mean, porn addiction is a real issue and you wouldn't want to live whit it (instead of the person), I guess...

Point of order, if you ask a man to chose between you and porn he will chose you and porn but hide it better. Until you find it, and you, not understanding what is going on but still full of this self-righteous rage, will break up him. Ultimatums in relationships never work. It is all about compromise. Only sith deal in absolutes.

There are several things here that are unclear so it is a little early to jump on the "OMG hez adiccct'd to teh pr0n!!!!11!one" band wagon. There could be life mismatches going on. She's working first shift, and he's working third so their schedule doesn't line up. Could be a stressful job. He could just be inconsiderate. Could be that he just wants a moment to scratch an itch. Maybe he doesn't want to ask so often because he's afraid you'll fell like a sperm receptacle and not his girlfriend.

To the OP: I think a honest and open dialog is required. One thing you really need to realize is that the arousal cycle of a man is centered around visual stimulus. Men also masturbate. It is a moment along to himself; like a hot bath or whatnot. Take that and a huge amount of understanding with you in the conversation. Don't be accusatory. Talk about yourself. I think you can come to a compromise.

Just to complete some information, What are your lives like outside of sex. The intimacy? Stress? Exhaustion? Does he usually initiate or do you? Details like that.

Point of order, if you ask a man to chose between you and porn he will chose you and porn but hide it better. Until you find it, and you, not understanding what is going on but still full of this self-righteous rage, will break up him. Ultimatums in relationships never work. It is all about compromise. Only sith deal in absolutes.

There are several things here that are unclear so it is a little early to jump on the "OMG hez adiccct'd to teh pr0n!!!!11!one" band wagon. There could be life mismatches going on. She's working first shift, and he's working third so their schedule doesn't line up. Could be a stressful job. He could just be inconsiderate. Could be that he just wants a moment to scratch an itch. Maybe he doesn't want to ask so often because he's afraid you'll fell like a sperm receptacle and not his girlfriend.

To the OP: I think a honest and open dialog is required. One thing you really need to realize is that the arousal cycle of a man is centered around visual stimulus. Men also masturbate. It is a moment along to himself; like a hot bath or whatnot. Take that and a huge amount of understanding with you in the conversation. Don't be accusatory. Talk about yourself. I think you can come to a compromise.

Just to complete some information, What are your lives like outside of sex. The intimacy? Stress? Exhaustion? Does he usually initiate or do you? Details like that.


I'm confused by this - "If he doesn't know how to answer and ignore that you are being deprived of some of the happiness of having a romantic relationship, then make it clear that you want him to decide porn or you. I mean, porn addiction is a real issue and you wouldn't want to live whit it " - someone is confusing romance and sex. Nice when they're one in the same but...

I don't know if I could or couldn't live "whit it."

Good answer, by the way!