My ex has shared custody of our daughter, however, has not been around her or spoken to her for three and a half years. She starts school this year, and although it is very unlikely he ever would, can I legally put his name down so he cannot pick her up from school? He does have shared custody, the divorce order states shared custody but placement for me and he has to contact me with reasonable time and reasonable notice to see her.

Yes, I'd notify the school IN WRITING, that he canot pick her up. He needs to contact you with a "reasonable time and notice" to see her. If for whatever reason he does that and it's after school you can always notify the school occasion by occasion.

Yes, I'd notify the school IN WRITING, tht he canot pick her up. He needs to contact you with a "reasonable time and notice" to see her. If for whatever reason he does that and it's after school you can always notify the school occasion by occasion.

I have to disagree. If they have shared legal custody. Then she can't tell the school he can't pick the child up. He should also be on the list for emergency contacts too. Otherwise the OP could find herself facing contempt charges.

I have to disagree. If they have shared legal custody. Then she can't tell the school he can't pick the child up. He should also be on the list for emergency contacts too. Otherwise the OP could find herself facing contempt charges.

It must vary - the school asks the custodial parent for the information about the people authorized to pick the child up. The custodial parent can, of course, add the non-custodial parent OR add the "non's" name on a one time basis. Just went through this in my family.

Maybe I'm getting hung up on shared - I'm thinking custodial/non-custodial.

It must vary - the school asks the custodial parent for the information about the people authorized to pick the child up. The custodial parent can, of course, add the non-custodial parent OR add the "non's" name on a one time basis. Just went through this in my family.

Maybe I'm getting hung up on shared - I'm thinking custodial/non-custodial.

Depends on the legal split of the custody issue. Usually there are more then one other listed as emergency contacts. Some cards allow several spaces. Its obvious that the man has some form of custody. Also it would be more convenient for him to pick the child up on his days (whatever they may be). But outright barring him from doing so without a formal court order as in restraining order then the schools don't really want to get mixed up in others business. That is what I found when going through it myself. Schools have enough to worry about.

Depends on the legal split of the custody issue. Usually there are more then one other listed as emergency contacts. Some cards allow several spaces. Its obvious that the man has some form of custody. Also it would be more convenient for him to pick the child up on his days (whatever they may be). But outright barring him from doing so without a formal court order as in restraining order then the schools dont really want to get mixed up in others business. That is what I found when going through it myself. Schools have enough to worry about.


Too late to call and ask here - of course, this might be moot. Father hasn't had contact in 3-1/2 years. If he suddenly showed up at the school I'd be concerned.

Good question though, and you've been through it.

Too late to call and ask here - of course, this might be moot. Father hasn't had contact in 3-1/2 years. If he suddenly showed up at the school I'd be concerned.

Good question though, and you've been through it.

Lets not forget it may be a regoinal thing too. Where Im at may be very different from other places as we have seen before. With few exceptions none of the laws read exactly the same across the board.

the divorce order states shared custody but placement for me and he has to contact me with reasonable time and reasonable notice to see her.

I think you are both missing the above quote. This means that he has to contact the OP for permission to visit. It also means that he can't just pick up the child without notice. So the OP certainly can list him as someone not allowed to pick up the child.

I think you are both missing the above quote. This means that he has to contact the OP for permission to visit. It also means that he can't just pick up the child without notice. So the OP certainly can list him as someone not allowed to pick up the child.


My #2 above says: "He needs to contact you with a "reasonable time and notice" to see her. If for whatever reason he does that and it's after school you can always notify the school occasion by occasion."

I don't know how well I expressed myself but the OP is to get advance notice ("reasonable") so she would know in advance and could make arrangements - meet him at the school, give authorization for that one time, whatever.

If push comes to shove, the father would show the school the order, which would allow him to have the child

Provided that he has "contact[ed her] with... reasonable notice... ". If I were the principal, I might ask him what notice he gave her.

But, of course, often schools don't pay that much attention to who picks up the children, their policies notwithstanding."

Judy, I know you mentioned it but I was wondering if it became forgotten.
AK, If the OP gives the school notice to not release the child to the father without prior permission and shows the order to establish her right to do so, I don't see the school releasing the child. I think that order establishes the OP as in control.

...
AK, If the OP gives the school notice to not release the child to the father without prior permission and shows the order to establish her right to do so, I don't see the school releasing the child. I think that order establishes the OP as in control.

I agree. My hypothetical scenario was intended to buttress that interpretation.