View Full Version : Is there something wrong with me?
lollydoll
Jun 25, 2012, 12:38 PM
I'm a 32 year old woman and I've never been in a long-term relationship. I had a boyfriend for almost 2 years when I was 18 followed by a couple that both lasted about 2 months in the following 2 years.
After that, nothing for YEARS until I started very casually seeing a guy I'd known as a teenager when I was about 29/30, but nothing really came of it and we were never exclusive.
This year, I met a man and we instantly hit it off. Perhaps it was too intense to last and again, he ended it after 2 months without giving me a clear reason why, just that it didn't feel right.
I'm not completely unattractive (a bit overweight, but apart from that... ), I take pride in my appearance at least and always make an effort to look my best. I have wonderful friends who I know think the world of me and I think I'm a friendly, warm person. I'm intelligent and know I have a good sense of humor. All through my 20s, while sometimes regretting not having somebody close to me, I enjoyed my life and didn't dwell on it.
Despite these things, I can't help but feel that there must be something wrong with me. I see my friends all marrying/settling down/having children and I feel left behind and lonely.
Homegirl 50
Jun 25, 2012, 12:51 PM
I can't say there is something wrong with you as I don't know you. You said your last relationship only lasted a couple of months as it was too intense. It this indicative of other relationships?
Could you be moving too fast when you meet someone? Where and how are you meeting these men?
lollydoll
Jun 25, 2012, 12:55 PM
I think I do wear my heart on my sleeve and tend to fall for people hard and fast the rare times that it has happened, but the feelings have always initially been reciprocated... but their hearts/minds change whereas mine doesn't. I've even remained on friendly terms with my ex-boyfriends, so I guess they're at least fond of me?
Homegirl 50
Jun 25, 2012, 12:58 PM
It is a sign that you are a nice person, easy to get along with.
Perhaps you just have not met the right person.
talaniman
Jun 25, 2012, 04:01 PM
There is NOTHING wrong with you at all, and if you read these threads you will see you are luckier than most. But I have to ask if you are choosing the same type of guy to date?
Regardless, less worry about the long term, more fun in the short term. Enjoy being single and free.
lollydoll
Jul 1, 2012, 09:19 AM
I don't think the guys are the same, but there haven't been many to compare either! My last boyfriend seemed very openly loving towards me, said he didn't like playing games, made me feel comfortable enough to express my feelings towards him easily. But it felt like once I had, he lost interest. Perhaps I'm beating myself up about it, but I'm afraid that me being myself, as in loving towards people, drives them away.
Homegirl 50
Jul 1, 2012, 09:30 AM
If being loving and kind drives them away, those are not the kind of guys you want in your like anyway.
You just keep being you. The right guy will come along.
talaniman
Jul 1, 2012, 10:00 AM
I agree with Homegirl, if you cannot be accepted for yourself, he is the wrong guy for you. Don't let your feelings tell you otherwise. That's a bit desperate for a guys attentions if you do. How you ask? If you are so willing to do anything for a guy that doesn't accept you as you are, you put him, and having him above yourself, and he may not deserve it, or know what to do about it.
You may make him happy, at the expense of YOUR happiness. That's a recipe for a broken heart.
lollydoll
Jul 2, 2012, 10:59 AM
I came across a few articles online about love addiction and, apart from having to be in a relationship all the time (clearly), I certainly fit the bill. I guess I need to learn not to give my heart away so readily. Thanks for your kind words, they have helped.
Homegirl 50
Jul 2, 2012, 12:22 PM
Just be who you are and take things slow. The right person is out there for you.
EnigmaMCMLXIV
Jul 2, 2012, 12:44 PM
Here's a thought you stated " I can't help but feel that there must be something wrong with me. I see my friends all marrying/settling down/having children and I feel left behind and lonely." Maybe you need to stop thinking of how your friends are marrying and having children. Your time will come just relax and have fun! You are not being left behind you haven't met the right man. Your dream man will come soon enough. Do me a favour though do not tell him you love him before he tells you. I found out this puts the ball in his court and changes the rules of the game. I made this mistake with the guy I am seeing and he told me once he didn't love me the way I loved him this was after 1.6 years. Funny enough I hardly love him anymore.