I've been dating a female for 4 months. And everything was great as far as I know. Me and her made our dating situation exclusive a few weeks ago. But lastnight we were on the phone talking and these were her exact words.

"My life, I don't know where my life is going..." So I asked her what about her life is she so unsure about, maybe we can talk about it. So she says:

"My dating life is what I'm unsure about. I don't like to be vulnerable. I used to being in control of everything. You are a great guy. You haven't done anything to me to make me feel this way. Maybe I'm just thinking too much and my mind is running. I haven't dated in a long time, and I'm not sure where my dating life is going. I don't want to be in a situation where I'm doing more than the other person. I just don't know people's intentions..."


Now me and her are an couple now. She told me a few times lastnight that I have never done anything to her to make her feel that way, but maybe she is just "overthinking" things. Since lastnight I've been feeling very weird about me and her relationship. Now I don't know what to think anymore. I need some perspectives. Then right before me and her hung up. This is what she said:


I told her that I was going to sleep because I have to work in the morning and her words are

"Okay, you don't want to talk to me anyway."

And today she is supposed to be coming over to my place today for dinner and to spend some time together. And so lastnight I mentioned before we ended the conversation "Was she still coming over today" and these were her words.

"Do you still want me to come over. If you want me to come I'll come."
People I'm just confused now. What is she really saying to me??

Any response would be greatly appreciated.

Sounds like she's insecure and may have been burned in past relationships because of it. Being in control of a relationship mitigates her insecurity so perhaps in the past she's dated men who let her walk over them and you're the first guy that's not letting her wear the pants in the relationship/have the majority say in everything.

Fraid I can't really give much advice though, perhaps give her time to see not having complete control isn't such a bad thing.

Sounds to me like she has some relationship and self-esteem issues. Only message I'm getting from her behavior is that she doesn't want to feel dependent upon you, which can happen if she falls in love easily. The arrogance towards you with "Okay, you don't want to talk to me anyway.", means she doesn't think you like her the way she likes you or she feels as if you're too good for her.

My personal take on this, and is my opinion only.

I agree with C0bra_M3nace. I'm ashamed to admit that what she's said sounds like something I'd thought/said before, and it has been insecurity and the fear of allowing myself to become vulnerable. She said she hasn't dated in a long time, and so hasn't allowed anyone the opportunity to potentially hurt her. These are her problems and all you can do is be patient with her if you think she's worth it.

She is playing hard to get, you need to play harder, she wants to play the cat and mouse game that is fine, put your foot down, tell her that if she wants to be with you she is going to have to come and get and stop playing with the uncertainties. If she really is so insecure to the point she can't even make decision I would recommend moving on. This state of limbo is not fun for anyone.