Hi I am 47 and my partner is 37 we have been seeing each other for two and a half months. She has MS but is not badly affected by it. We hit it off from the beginning met her kids soon after and get on so well with them, They say they love me too and want to call me dad.
We have seen quite a lot of each other and as I only work part time have been staying nearly up to a week. We both decided I was going to get a full time job to help support her as she has been with losers who have done nothing but leave her in debt - so fair enough, but so far no luck.
She has said in the past that at times she may just want me to go away and leave her alone.
A short time ago we had spoken about one day getting married and moving in permanently at Christmas. She has been in tears asking me not to break her heart and never to leave her! Even the kids have been saying they want me to.
Then all of a sudden she goes really funny towards me and says I am "making her feel smothered", "doesn't know what she wants" & "needs space" which I have given her. She has also changed her profile picture on Face book which was one of us together but now isn't.
She invited me over for a meal a few days later and we ended up in bed, we speak most nights and text a couple of times. She says that she loves me and does want to fight to make it work. Plans have been made for this weekend, but she still says she wants her space!
I am floundering here what has gone from quite an intense start has changed a lot very quickly. Is the I need space line the start of the end? I feel like an adolescent again not knowing what to do for the best. I love her very much and want this to work no matter what I have to do.
I could really do with some advice on this. I know the situation is quite complicated, but hope someone can help me! Even if it's a good kick up the .

Thanks in advance

Too much, too fast, crash and burn


we have been seeing each other for two and a half months.

Guess what? Its much too soon to make life plans. I know its typical to be caught up in intense feelings, but if you haven't given yourself at least 6 months of having fun getting to know each other, when those intense feelings die down, often there is nothing left but confusion, and misunderstanding.

Back off to a much safer emotional distance and see if the fun returns, and something other than the physical develops. Young, or old, moving to fast is never a good thing for strangers who have not had the time to develop other areas of a relationship, especially honest communications.

The first phase is nothing but new intense feelings, and it seems you have not asked her what she means by smothered. Then you would understand its too much, too soon. Heck you should be missing each other and looking forward to the next date, not trying to figure out what she means with the smothering stuff.

Dis you ask her what she means? What's the hurry??

Thanks Talaniman,
I was just assuming me just being there so much and doing so much for her was what she meant.
I didn't think we were hurrying it just felt we were doing what felt natural (it did for me anyway). Strange thing is that your statement about missing each other and looking for ward to seeing each other on the next date, was something that she mentioned before but being me I chose not to understand or even hear it!
I am doing what she has asked and what you have suggested... backing right off, no matter how much its hurting or how hard it is.
Do you think it is too little too late, what are the chances of getting the relationship back on track?
What is my best course of action to achieve this?
We are still talking and she says she Loves me and want it to work! That's good... right?

No one can know the course these things will take. Best relax, pay attention, and try to do the right thing for you both, and see how things develop. Its not just your feeling but hers also to consider. You cannot control hers, but you can control yours, so don't get carried away by your own feelings.

Nor be afraid when she expresses hers. If you don't understand, just ask for clarification. Never assume your feeling are shared by her. Think before you act or speak, and always be cool, calm, collected, and in control of yourself. That's how you proceed, slowly, at a pace that works, and see what happens naturally.

Well it all sounds a bit bleak! I will as you say, listen and pay attention to what she wants. One thing didn't mention before was that the last we met we did talk and told her that if was what she wanted I would walk away & she would never see me again. Which she said she didn't.
I am trying my best to do the right thing

I suspect you are anxious, and eager, that's fine just don't get desperate. Keep a balanced healthy social life going. Plan a nice date, give her space. Stay positive. Act positive, be positive.

I am & I will if I hadn't been such an idiot in the first place I wouldn't be doing this now!
Thanks so much for the advice, I have taken it on board and fingers crossed for a positive outcome.