I am a 30 yr old, anxious, female. I know all about abuse. My ex husband and I would argue and I, not learning until its too late, would not learn when I need to step back and state that it isn't worth it to fight over anything. I realize that it is not technically my fault, that I did not make him hurt me, that even though my inability to stay calm was the trigger, that he had absolutely no right to hit and hurt me the way that he did.

Since my divorce I have been with another man who has shown some dominating and abusive signs. Every once in a while things would go too far. Apologies would be exchanged and then all would be all right. We have had a year and a half of no incidents. We have opened our relationship, this seemed to help. I truly thought that maybe we got everything right. We were happier, life was going well. I am more anxious than ever but seeking help. I have been trying different medications to see what works, what has side effects that I can not live with, and what that doesn't work for me at all.

Anyway today I found out last minute that his FWB was coming over. She is fairly rude to me, leaves her trash everywhere, and for some reason they do not use a condom which is a huge no no.

When I got home after learning that she was to come over, I tried to talk to him like I have so many times asking to not be present, for him to use a condom and for her to pick up after herself. I was really on a tirade since he was not acknowledging me at all. This snow balled and on our trip to the river, everything blew up in my face. He decided he's tired of me, and he no longer wants me. Me, being stupid and knowing better, decides to not let anything go. Big mistake.

My thumb was smashed in the door, he kept punching my knee, he kept hitting my arms. The bruises are ugly. He took me out literally in the middle of no where and I haven't ever been so scared. All of the sudden he realizes what has happened and then its tears from both of us. Apologies and promises.

I don't know how much more I can take. When will I realize that no matter how much I love him that this isn't healthy? That I need more assistance? That no matter what I do I can not be to blame for someone else's actions. I realize that I am extremely difficult to live with due to my anxiety, and I feel for him since I drive him crazy with my worrying and inability to let go of anything. I guess I just need to talk this out. Any constructive comments are welcome. Please do not tell me what I should do or call him bad names because you are only hearing one side of the story.

This doesn't sound like a healthy relationship. And I fail to see the point of it. You seem to be as much of a FWB as the other chick, and you make no mention of YOUR FWB.

Maybe other areas of your life are lacking if you depend so much on this sham of a relationship. Yes it's a sham, since it's a shared with others kind of thing, casual dating at best. I really fail to see what the purpose of it is. Please enlighten me.

"I don't know how much more I can take. When will I realize that no matter how much I love him that this isn't healthy? That I need more assistance? That no matter what I do I can not be to blame for someone else's actions"

Your sitting here asking this questions when you clearly already know the answers since you stated them in the last paragraph. You should not stand for any kind of abuse ever no matter what the relationship is like on a "good day" get out of there you don't deserve the abuse. And FWB is a crock open relationships never work they just lead to heart break and std's.