I know that an Electron has the mass 5.4875×10^-4 amu / 9.109 3826(16) × 10–31 kg
I've done a little conversion to pounds and got 2.008899388563E-30 in lbs, I plugged it into my calculator and got well, a negative number, I know Electrons have mass, and not a negative.
Can someone just help me by throwing me a bone and telling me, with no Es and Xs and a variety of different symbols, just a bare bones long drawn out, with many zeros I'm sure number to how much an Electron weighs in lbs.

2.008899388563E-30 lbs

Not sure why your calculator thinks this is a negative number. Perhaps when you enter the negative sige before the 30 power of ten it thinks you mean the negative sign applies to the main number? On my calculator the key strokes are like this:

2.008899 EE (-) 30

If you use the subtraction sign instead of the (-) it thinks you mean negative 2.

On some calculators the (-) key may be labeled +/-