I understand how sex trafficking is horrible and has ruined many women's lives. I also understand that many women and men choose this occupation out of their own free will.

I've been living with my boyfriend of 2 years. We've discussed future plans of marriage, family, settling down, and retirement already and have been very happy. We have been having some sex problems that have to do with my not being very attractive to him physically. He has had very few sexual partners which number under ten. I was previously completely fine with this until I learned the following:

During drinks one night, my boyfriend confessed that he'd slept with 6 prostitutes over a 1 year period. This was a time when he was in a country that was very closed/new to premarital sex and dating non-local men. I'm confused and disgusted. I feel betrayed, too. He knows what my personal opinions are on prostitution and because of this, I feel betrayed because he waited so long to tell me, and also during a night out drinking. Why did he wait so long to tell me? It hurts me.

He has his reasons, but at the same time, they don't make sense to me. I think it's because prostitution was more readily available in that country, so he went for it. He has traveled to many countries, so I don't understand why it was just at this time and place. He's an attractive person so finding agreeable/non-prostitue bed partners would be easy for him, in my eyes. However, he has not had much luck with women. I have tried talking about it, but come to a loss when trying to handle both of our sensitive feelings.

It's been a confusing yet enlightening past few days. I understand a more intimate part of him. I have embraced him with more love since he's opened up about it, but what about all of my feelings towards it? It may or may not keep us together depending on the closure I get.

What about his feelings? How do I handle this? I don't know who to talk to about this. How can I discuss all of these sensitive issues with him if he's scared of opening up about them?


Thank you incredibly,

27 year old woman

I find this whole post very difficult to comprehend realistically...

He doesn't find you physically attractive yet you two are discussing your future together. Ok, maybe I get that one but then when you add the rest of it? No...

So he doesn't find you attractive and has gone on with 6 hookers over a year and you're disgusted with it but feel more love for him now that he opened up to you when he was drinking? Really? They were hookers! He cheated on you! You're OK with it and he'll probably do it again!

Who gives a flying sh*t about his feelings? You should be dumping him and getting that worthless sack out of your life. What's wrong with you? Does he make you feel guilty because he doesn't find you attractive and now you're OK with him using hookers? What kind of diseases might he be spreading around to you?

You need to get rid of him. You need to find some self respect and stop accepting the blame and that he's doing this because he doesn't find you attractive. Wake up already.

odinn7, she said that she doesn't feel attracted physically towards him.

And she didn't say that the prostitutes were while they were together. It sounds like she's saying it was before they were together while he was in a different country. But she is shocked and disgusted by it. She didn't think he'd be the kind of guy to go to prostitutes. And she doesn't know how to feel about it. At least that's what I got from it!

What I don't understand is early in the post she says she's not physically attracted to him, but later she says "he's an attractive person".. . Huh?

I'm trying to figure out why she's worried about the feelings of someone she does NOT find physically attractive but is planning to marry.

What?

odinn7, she said that she doesn't feel attracted physically towards him.


Really? You may have read it that way but to me, the way she worded it sounds like he is not attracted to her. Read it again...



We have been having some sex problems that have to do with my not being very attractive to him physically.

Really? You may have read it that way but to me, the way she worded it sounds like he is not attracted to her. Read it again...


I also misread it and stand corrected.

He doesn't find HER attractive. He does find sex for money to be a turn on.

And she's planning to marry him.

I might have been a little harsh but it's all very weird to me.

Harsh.. heck... I think she needs a bit of Harsh.

If she is having these problems now... we all know its not going to get any better later... its only going to get even worse... I personally would not even be considering dating them next month much less thinking about a lifetime with them... if that's all the more they though t of me...

Sounds to me he sees her like a housekeeper... and she views him like a trophy husband... I see all sorts of bad things happening in the first couple years of marriage. Most of them leading to an early divorce... and lots of unhappiness.

Maybe he told you about his experiences because the commitment talk was getting too serious for him. Ask him for some records to prove good health. This is just one of the major hurdles that might haunt this relationship but it might be the one that will matter most. If he can't or won't provide some records, you might learn a lot, and maybe he is looking a good excuse for you so you can end it instead of him. I don't think that alcohol brought those revelations out and they may not even be true. You think he is unlucky with women(?), maybe 16 in some span of time--he might not really see it that way at all (and consider that the prostitutes might be more careful and checked closer medically than the other 10 or so). Not speaking from experience here but it appears from the number of stings I read about, prostitution is still the oldest profession and readily available pretty much everywhere and whether it is illegal or legal doesn't matter too greatly. Run like the wind for any of the reasons there might be.

It appears that the sex for money happened before they meet, and as for that, it was over before they knew each other and she did not seem to show that he did it more than that one year mostly.

And she has confused all hookers with sex slaves and while some are, the majority at least in the US are just independent business people, who often make 100's of thousand a year. For the more up scale ones. And in other nations where it is legal and licensed, it is just a business.

And to be honest how much different than the women who lives with, has sex with and house keeps because she can't afford to do anything else, she has "sold" her body and duties for a place to live basically.

I think she needs serious counseling to learn to deal with this issue in a better light.

Next of course from her side, but would like to hear both sides. If the relationship is this bad, leave.

The sex for money could have been as little as 2 years ago. Don't know about when the "under ten" might have been. But it appears that they could have been within the time range of serious disease. Hopefully he doesn't get drunk and give her some even worse news about his health (and possibly hers too) down the pike.

Heck... AIDS was a major issue with an unknown cause back in 1979... when I was entering college... He'd have to be over 50 to have dabbled in that before it was a serious issue..