My mother is wheelchair bound. This is not a small issue, as she is unable to use a walker at this point and weighs around 180 bpounds. My mother is 70 years old and so is my father who cares for her full time. Once a week, my father pays my son to sit for my mother for a full day. She enjoys this immensely and my father gets a better rate from my boy thatn he would from a contracting company. Up until recently, this has been fine. As my mother's condition gets worse , I have felt the need to give up my Sundays off to care for her,(free of charge of course) as I feel my dad needs a break. My mother, God bless her, is very onery at times because of the strain of the situation. She, needing a change of pace, acts good for me and my dad recharges his batteries on that designated day.

Today I decided to take her to the movies and to a restaurant. My husband took us in the van, helped me to load and unload her, (then took off) and I wheeled her into the theater unattended. The problem? The doors are always closed and the help ignores me when I struggle with the door and my mother simultaneously. My leg and arm were getting caught while I was trying to get her wheelchair in. Nobody would move to assist. I was frustrated.

Later, when I wheeled my mother into the bathroom, the handicap stall was marked "Out of Order". I proceeded to take her down the hall. Her bladder is weak. The next handicapped stall was also marked "Out of Order". I got mad. I marched over to the manager and explained the situation and she said I should have looked for a third stall. EXCUSE ME? Why would I have to play look for the handicapped accessible stall for my handicapped mother?What ever happened to," We will try to make your next visit better," and "We will ensure this kind of thing doesn't happen again." Where is good help? Where are good manners?

I went to another manager. He said, "What was wrong with the stall?" How would I know, it is not my job to see why it is not in order, it is the management's responsibility. He was no help and seemed to not want to be bothered even after I told him about the indifferent help.

I am so sorry for my parents as they have to deal with these kinds of insensitivities all the time. This is just a taste of what they endure on a regular basis. The only people that offer to help me get her through doors and other wheelchair bound problems are usually elderly people and not yet have I seen staff trained in this area.

I finally found a stall at the nearby restaurant. She was in there 15 minutes without being able to go. The ordeal caused her bladder to become shy. I then had to worry that she would embarrass herself later with an accident as she wanted to leave that stall.

What is wrong with our society that the elderly's concerns are not our own unless they are family?Any and all comments please.

I sympathize with you 100%. Sadly, this happens to not only adults. My youngest son, who is now 19, is both mentally and physically handicapped. People just stare when we go somewhere. Doors are inacessible, aisles are narrow, seating is worthless in most places. Or else seating is so high up on a balcony that he cannot see what is going on.

When my son and I moved to this town, in 2000, he was still walking. We went to one of the malls and one woman had the gall to come up and say, "I did not think they let kids like that out in public". I said to her, "I did not know the state hospital (a mental hospital) let people out on pass on Sunday afternoon". She stood there with her mouth open, sputtering. Her husband pulled her away.

When we used to go out to eat, I would ask for his food to be puréed or blended and I got these dumb stares like I was asking for something alien. One place I even brought his mini processor and asked if they would use it. I was told to move to a seat next to the outlet and do it myself. You can bet your last dollar I told the manager about that and vowed never to come there again.

I have even filed grievances with the Department of Interior when we could not access one of the local sports arenas for a hockey game. I had seven points of contention and the city's Park and Rec had to make the modifications.

You do not take this stuff lying down. I am mild mannered but not when it comes to my son not being able to access his environment and dullards who do not know the basics of the ADA.

I know exactly where you are coming from. Letters to the Editor work too.

My prayers tonight will include you and your parents and your family. God bless.

Shy, I just love you. You are the mother after my own heart. I think your son is so blessed to have you and you sound blessed to have him too. I am like you. I don't like to fight, but sometimes the times call for it. The handicapped are ignored and it is time to take a stand. Have you considered a lawyer? I know if you mentioned one, the heads of many staff would snap to atttention. Thank you for your illuminating letter. It was a real treat to meet such a fierce and wonderful mother. An the fight continues...

My prayers are with you and yours also. I called corporate by the way... and wrote a letter.

My father is going on 76 and has trouble walking much less lifting. We go to a store it seems as if their wheelchair carts are always low on battery. This is what happened the other day it stopped in the middle of the store. Here I was with a 5 gallon bucket of paint and arms loaded and not one sales person offered to help. So there I was father on one arm leaning against me while I also juggled everything I was carrying. Needless to say I sure filed a complaint as the floor sales people acted like they couldn't hear me ask for help.

In a supposed p.c. world, there is still sure a lot wrong with some people. I would have helped you, tin. People with disabled family members should always stick together. Have a great one and enjoy your dad. (smile)

shy, I have to spread the love around. But, I thought it was important to let you know that I applaud you as a mother and I applaud your response to sexybeast.

I had a boss once who used to always repeat the expression, "The squeaky wheel gets the oil." The only way this society will adjust their attitudes in these situations is if we are all as proactive as you are.

sexybeast, if you don't receive an adequate response from these people, you should call your local newspaper and ask if any of the staff writers are having a slow day. You should request they interview you and your family. Where I live, it is a very small town and the local newpaper jumps on these kinds of stories. The only way you are going to get them to change is to be loud about it. They don't want bad publicity of any kind. And, anytime you are out in public with your mother and you are ignored or disrespected again, I would show the newspaper clipping of the article, and ask very sweetly if they would like the same treatment. I can guarantee they will hop to accommodate your mom.

If that doesn't appeal to you, then give this some thought. The ADA was passed in the U.S. for a reason. We need to hold these people accountable for their actions, or rather, inactions as they appear to be. They need to be reminded this is a federal law and can be charged a large fine for non-compliance. Part of that compliance is training their employees properly. It is disgraceful and the only way to get through to these people at times, is to hit them directly in their pockets because that is the only way to get through to them. So, you might also want to consider filing a formal complaint against them with your State Attorney General's office or call the State Health Department to request they inspect the premises.

Great advice ruby. The squeeky wheel DOES get the oil.

I have good news too. My mom is starting to try the walker again. She quit a few months ago and my poor dad had to consider putting her in a home. Thank God she is being more proactive with her recovery. Dad says if she continues to improve on being kinder to him and also to put effort out with the walker, a home may never be necessary. That would be an answer to prayer for me. We have all had a blg black cloud over our heads these past months with worry.