crossbowchic
Dec 11, 2004, 10:33 AM
Dear,
I need help on a situation that, I guess can be described as somewhat abusive. My 20-year-old sister "Kim" has turned into a burden that I don't think I can handle, nor do I want to. I feel like my family is being torn apart an I am being torn up inside.
"Kim" is the middle child in the family; I am the eldest. I don't believe that the "middle child syndrome" is a factor in this situation. We all get enough attention: I get it for being the oldest, the youngest gets it because she whines and cries until she gets her way and "Kim" gets it because she thinks that she is being rebellious. "Kim" probably had the best relationship with our parents out of the three of us. My parents have always made sure that we were never in want. When we were 16, everyone received her driver's license and a car to use. We all had the chance to go to college after high school (As of yet, I finished my degree and "Kim" took a year off but is going back to school). When I studied music, I received my own trumpet and when she wanted to study equine medicine, my parents bought a horse.
I know that "Kim" does not have great self esteem. One night while she was drunk, she poured her heart out and I listened and tried to make her feel better. The next day, she back to yelling and screaming like nothing happened. She also complains about her body. She is not skinny, but she is not overweight. She complains about how fat she is while eating a half gallon of ice cream. She has used diet pills and lost weight, but she has become jealous of me because I have lost a lot of weight and while I'm not skinny, my collar bones poke out. She thinks that she can make herself feel better by calling us "fat a**es" and telling us how ugly we are, especially the youngest sister. My mom has a theory that she thinks she is acting cute and just picking on us for fun even though it really hurts. By the same token, if someone starts to pick on her in fun, she will storm out of the house. "Kim" moved out of the house a year ago and comes and goes as she pleases. Usually, she will enter the house without saying a word and also leave that way, the whole time silent. She will act like this until whe needs or wants something, then she acts as innocent as a lamb until someone says no, when she then, of course, storms out of the house.
Acting like this shows me that "Kim" knows (or at least thinks) that she can take advantage of my parents. Since she was at least 16, she has been stealing credit cards and money from my parents. She even took a debit card and withdrew a few hundred dollars. She lied about knowing where it went and the day before my parents were going to go to the police to get photos and press charges did she admit any wrongdoing. I don't remember her ever getting in trouble for any of this and my parents ate the losses. She went out and bought a car the my dad had to cosign for. She has since made one payment for car/insurance. She wanted a better cell phone and has yet to pay back my parents. She even borught home a dog (who I love to pieces) that she claimed to have found on the side of the highway. It came out later that she had adopted it and then stole my mom's credit card to pay for supplies.
Her credit card debt is also annoying us. She has racked up so much debt that creditors continuously call the house for her. I have half a mind to pic up the phone and redirect them to her new number so that we can have a little piece at home in the evenings. It's aweful when my dad says he doesn't want to hear the message that we all now know by heart. Because she doesn't live at home anymore, she thinks that she can ignore them and they will go away. She doesn't get the message that this just doesn't go away.
I know that my parents have only good intentions for us. They want us to have every opportunity and advantage that they can give us. For example, when I went to college, I received a computer so that I could do my school work. Since "Kim" is going back to school, she is getting the same deal but the last words so far to my mom were "f**k you." My parents loves us all dearly, but my dad seems to also think that if he works harder, it will go away and my mom will just get mad and not say anything until it is all blown out of proportion. I've heard it all from the above to even homicidal threats. I want to move out to escape this because it has not been good for my well-being, but I am not yet financially stable. I am even afraid to have my parents buy me lunch because I don't want to be more of a finincial burden on them than they already have. They are paying for my sister's mistakes. I want to know what I can do to improve the situation at the house until I am able to move out. Would you also have any advice for my parents?
Thank you
I need help on a situation that, I guess can be described as somewhat abusive. My 20-year-old sister "Kim" has turned into a burden that I don't think I can handle, nor do I want to. I feel like my family is being torn apart an I am being torn up inside.
"Kim" is the middle child in the family; I am the eldest. I don't believe that the "middle child syndrome" is a factor in this situation. We all get enough attention: I get it for being the oldest, the youngest gets it because she whines and cries until she gets her way and "Kim" gets it because she thinks that she is being rebellious. "Kim" probably had the best relationship with our parents out of the three of us. My parents have always made sure that we were never in want. When we were 16, everyone received her driver's license and a car to use. We all had the chance to go to college after high school (As of yet, I finished my degree and "Kim" took a year off but is going back to school). When I studied music, I received my own trumpet and when she wanted to study equine medicine, my parents bought a horse.
I know that "Kim" does not have great self esteem. One night while she was drunk, she poured her heart out and I listened and tried to make her feel better. The next day, she back to yelling and screaming like nothing happened. She also complains about her body. She is not skinny, but she is not overweight. She complains about how fat she is while eating a half gallon of ice cream. She has used diet pills and lost weight, but she has become jealous of me because I have lost a lot of weight and while I'm not skinny, my collar bones poke out. She thinks that she can make herself feel better by calling us "fat a**es" and telling us how ugly we are, especially the youngest sister. My mom has a theory that she thinks she is acting cute and just picking on us for fun even though it really hurts. By the same token, if someone starts to pick on her in fun, she will storm out of the house. "Kim" moved out of the house a year ago and comes and goes as she pleases. Usually, she will enter the house without saying a word and also leave that way, the whole time silent. She will act like this until whe needs or wants something, then she acts as innocent as a lamb until someone says no, when she then, of course, storms out of the house.
Acting like this shows me that "Kim" knows (or at least thinks) that she can take advantage of my parents. Since she was at least 16, she has been stealing credit cards and money from my parents. She even took a debit card and withdrew a few hundred dollars. She lied about knowing where it went and the day before my parents were going to go to the police to get photos and press charges did she admit any wrongdoing. I don't remember her ever getting in trouble for any of this and my parents ate the losses. She went out and bought a car the my dad had to cosign for. She has since made one payment for car/insurance. She wanted a better cell phone and has yet to pay back my parents. She even borught home a dog (who I love to pieces) that she claimed to have found on the side of the highway. It came out later that she had adopted it and then stole my mom's credit card to pay for supplies.
Her credit card debt is also annoying us. She has racked up so much debt that creditors continuously call the house for her. I have half a mind to pic up the phone and redirect them to her new number so that we can have a little piece at home in the evenings. It's aweful when my dad says he doesn't want to hear the message that we all now know by heart. Because she doesn't live at home anymore, she thinks that she can ignore them and they will go away. She doesn't get the message that this just doesn't go away.
I know that my parents have only good intentions for us. They want us to have every opportunity and advantage that they can give us. For example, when I went to college, I received a computer so that I could do my school work. Since "Kim" is going back to school, she is getting the same deal but the last words so far to my mom were "f**k you." My parents loves us all dearly, but my dad seems to also think that if he works harder, it will go away and my mom will just get mad and not say anything until it is all blown out of proportion. I've heard it all from the above to even homicidal threats. I want to move out to escape this because it has not been good for my well-being, but I am not yet financially stable. I am even afraid to have my parents buy me lunch because I don't want to be more of a finincial burden on them than they already have. They are paying for my sister's mistakes. I want to know what I can do to improve the situation at the house until I am able to move out. Would you also have any advice for my parents?
Thank you