Hi,

My 5 y.o son came home today from school with a booboo on his finger. When I asked him what happened he said he "stabbed himself with a pencil". I asked him if it was an accident, or was he playing with some classmate and accidentally stabbed himself? He said he was sitting down in his chair and just stabbed his left thumb with a pencil. "He said he just wanted to hurt himself.." Now I know this behavior is not normal for a 5 y.o and wanted to know how do I correct this? Should I scold him more or ignore what happened.. I already did the "sit down talk" with him and told him that hurting is not good. If it is hurting somebody or hurting himself it is not good, plain and simple. I wonder what else can I do to reinforce this so he won't do it again. (this is the first time that he's done this by the way, and it's a pretty deep wound)

Has he been acting out what he felt inside? The reason why I asked this is because I have scolded him for several days in a row now. He goes to school where they get a daily score (5) on how they behave in school. They start 5 and gets checked off every time they misbehave (i.e off task, running in the hallway, talking, rocking back and forth in chair, playing with pencil box). So, my son got 0/5 for 3 consecutive days since Monday and I have spanked him as a punishment. Was I wrong to do this? Was it too much?

I explained to him how he needs to follow rules in school and that he gets time out or toys taken away if he misbehave. But it seems like he never listens because he does it over and over again. I really don't have any clue how to handle this, please help..

Have you talked with his teacher(s) about this?

This sounds like a lot more than a bad score at school, and mom telling him to behave. This is something serious enough for therapy. This child is physically harming himself. There's either something wired wrong, or something traumatic happened that he can't deal with.

Either way, he needs counseling.

Since it is towards the end of school, has he been having this difficulty in school all along or is it recent? He could have hurt himself out of frustration over the poor marks and the subsequent discipline at home (not that he shouldn't have consequences, just that he may be frustrated and can't verbalize it).

Other than the score, what consequences are there for him at school? Can he earn something positive if he stays at say 4 or 5? Does he lose out on something if his score gets too low?

Since it is towards the end of school, has he been having this difficulty in school all along or is it recent? He could have hurt himself out of frustration over the poor marks and the subsequent discipline at home (not that he shouldn't have consequences, just that he may be frustrated and can't verbalize it).

Other than the score, what consequences are there for him at school? Can he earn something positive if he stays at say 4 or 5? Does he lose out on something if his score gets too low?

I do see where you're going with this, and I do agree, but, there's a but.

I was a child that harmed herself, hoping that someone would notice, and not necessarily ask why, because I would never have told, but in the hopes that someone would help, somehow. I was also 5, and it continued until long after I was an adult. I cut myself, hit myself, harmed myself. It's a long list of things I did from 5 until just a few years ago, when I finally went into therapy.

I read this OP's post, and I see a child that is screaming for help. I don't think bad marks in school, or discipline at home (unless the parents are abusive, which I really don't think is the case) is what's causing this. This is something more. At least that's what my gut is saying. That's what 5 year old me, sees in this 5 year old.

There are usually two reasons (no I don't have the stats, this is just my experience), for a child to physically harm himself. Either there's a mental issue (the brain isn't wired right), or an issue that's so alarming, so horrific, that he feels the need to hurt himself, because he hates himself for allowing (even though he has no idea that he has the right to no allow it) it to happen.

This is really just my opinion, and I'm not a doctor, or a psychiatrist. I'm just a 41 year old woman that was very much like this 5 year old, when I was 5 and being molested by my cousin. Not saying that this child is being molested. It could be as simply as a bully at school!

I really don't want to alarm the OP. But when I read what this small child had done, that's the only conclusion I could come to. Therapy sessions, no matter what's going on, will help him deal with whatever is going on in his head to make him do something as damaging and absolute as this.

I am the biggest supporter of spanking (when done properly) but no this is not a reason to spank, what happened was at school, you can not spank when it happens, there is no direct relationship to the child as to event and punishment.

Also sorry but while the child may have done it, if another child did it, and your child is afraid to tell, perhaps threatened and told not to tell. They may take the blame in fear.

I think I would be at the school that next morning to discuss this to the teacher and find what is happening at the class.