I was writing my story here when my cat sat on the switch on my power supply and shut my computer down. I won't be re-writing the whole longwinded story, but I will sum it up as best I can.

My boyfriend and I have lived together for two years, he's a father figure to my kids, we have always had a great relationship and never have any big problems.

Out of the blue last week he told me he was unhappy, no longer loves me, and wanted to split up. There had been no signs pointing to anything like this (I am well aware of what I should have noticed, and looking back, nothing seems wrong except some mild moodiness on his part in the week prior). We had a long, emotional conversation in which he admitted he doesn't know how, why, or when his feelings about me changed. We did not fight. The next morning he told me he wasn't sure if he would be happier with or without me, and I suggested we take a break. Ground rules: stay in town, no dating or sleeping with anyone else, use the time away to introspect and come back with a clear understanding and a decision made. We are in the no-contact phase of our break. We will be meeting at home next Tuesday to see where he stands. I do not want to break up with him, because he is a good man and I love him dearly.

I am too realistic to expect that he will come back and say that he was wrong and that he wants us to work through this and make our relationship work. I hope for it, but I don't expect it.

I am struggling immensely with the feelings of inadequacy on my part. It is not rational, but I feel that if someone wonderful like him can suddenly stop loving me for no known reason, that I'm not deserving of love. I know better, but that is how I feel.

I'm also unable to cope with the concept of being single again. I am 37 years old, I have not had a single relationship with a man in my life that has lasted, and I'd thought that finally, with this one, I had something worthwhile and strong and committed that I didn't have to fear losing. I don't want to be drifting out there, loveless, waiting for someone new.

I don't know that I have the heart to attempt another relationship. I've failed at all of them, and I feel I'll keep failing, never to have anything but falseness in my life. My friends tell me not to think like that, but that is what is circling in my mind. I can't be that vulnerable again. It doesn't seem worth it, all that hurt.

How do I feel valid again in my personal life? My self-concept is all messed up.

First of all I would just like to say sorry for what has happened to you and I hope it works out,
This happened to me and its went very bad as she slept with someone else a couple of months later. In her defence we did split up on good turms and know one dumped each other. The thing is with men ( I am one lol ) is that they just get bored and don't know what to do so think its best to just leave it, this can happen in just 1 night and they wake up and think this isn't for them, they also think its greener on the other side and trust me its not unless you are some rich superstar that can do what ever they want lol. The best thing you can do is give him a bit of space like you are doing and it is a good idea to set rules otherwise it will end bad. You shouldn't be left on a string though and wait for him to come back to you, the best idea is to have fun with friends and family and try and take you mind off it and if he comes back he does if he doesn't then he wasn't worth it and you deserve better, if you relationship was good he will come back trust me and he will realize that he has made a mistake another good idea is to not spend loads of time together at first and do other things by yourself.
When me and my ex split we where living together and then she moved out and slept with some else we decided we wanted each other back and then she told me it hurt but we are back together and I honestly love her like it was the first day we met, now we live apart and have time to do my things and stuff together.

Just meet him see how he feels and then just do what ever feels best.