This is a long story, I met my girl and we had fallen in love and been together for a year. A very happy year! We had even talked about marriage, and getting engaged. Here is where it get tricky. She is a cowgirl, I am not a cowboy but I love horses. Her mom had an abusive childhood and an abusive ex husband who is also my girls biological father, My girl is 22 and her mom has a drinking problem and is verbally abusive and controlling. He demanded she break up with me when she found out I was visiting her a lot while she was in school.

My girl told everyone it's over but did not say it was to me. I asked her to move in with me, my parents, get a place, or anything. And she won't cause she would have nothing, no horse, no truck or trailer. I love this girl to death and people used to tell us how in love we looked in public. She bought a $300 pre paid phone to talk to me cause her mom goes through her bank accounts, phone, emails even.

Well now my girl says I pressured her, won't say she loves me. Told me several white lies. Say's were on a break now and will not even acknowledge me. I stopped calling, texting. I am a good guy, EMT, going to school for my RN, no record, don't do drugs, don't party, rarely drink.

Is it over? I asked her and no reply. I have not eaten and drank in 4 days. She deleted me off Facebook, my mom off Facebook. My mom has told her she loves her more in the last year than her mom has in the last 5. What do I do? Cut my ties? Or hope maybe someday she will realize you can't live for your parents? I keep thinking back to when she told me she was not living without me.

Thanks

I think you move on. Give her the break she wants and you get on with your life. There maybe too much going on in her life and relationship is something she is obvious not ready for.

Thanks for your advice. She seemed insitent it was a break and she was not moving on, but carrying a torch, I have not slept or ate in 4 days, I am assuming it's over, if she talks to later great if not. I know.

You need to rest and eat. The situations is not going to change and there is no need of you becoming ill.
Do something's you enjoy. Allow yourself time to heal

I am going to try my best. Is it wrong of me to ask for my ring back?

If you want it back, no. She broke with you.

I asked her and no reply. Thanks for your time, it has been helpful

This is all very early days - her decision to break up with you is not a natural one. I am sure she is still very upset and asking for her ring back will probably upset her more: so I'd not insist.

I would say you should take a step back - don't give her reasons to become annoyed by you (but make clear your love) - be the good guy: it would appear easier for her to turn on you than her mother, it is in some sense more convenient for her to see you as the problem, not her mother, because her mother's controlling nature (her mum would appear to be non-optional in her life, whereas you are).

Her mum, of course, is a problem and she must realise that her mum is exerting a very unhealthy influence on her life: she is 22, she should be making her own decisions - it is her life, her happiness: we only get one life. She needs time for her mind to settle and let the contrast between how happy you made her and how unhappy her mother makes her, surface. Initially, she probably felt some relief at it ending simply because she was not getting any more abuse from her mother (on that subject): that is natural - emotionally that feels the priority. But after that recovery, other emotions and needs will surface, human needs, and she will, hopefully, reflect calmly on her relationship with you and how much, if she does, want and need you.

Also her mother you say is abusive and controlling - I suspect her (warped) sense of self-worth is probably largely defined by her relationship with her daughter. This is now under threat because you two were engaged, she is losing control - she has I would guess, even subconsciously, been looking for a way to claw her back and have her under control: waiting for you to make a mistake.

In my opinion she needs to either drastically redefine her relationship with her mother or severely reduce her in infulece in her life.

As always its thin-slicing and a lot of guess-work but this is how it feels to me. Other will feel different perceptions.

Don't feel too bad about asking for the ring back - if she knows you and loves you, deep down she will know you will be very upset - even if she can't see it now.

Good luck and stay healthy

You accept her decision and move on. Go NO contact. Keep being a good guy, one day you will meet someone who looks up to you because of that, however, this is not that girl.

You said yourself you had a very happy year: that is a decent amount of time over which to be very happy. Circumstances are difficult: it is early days, I wouldn't pay too much heed to her behaviour if her mother is making life very difficult.Things will become clearer in time, but not through mulling things around in your head repeatedly, endlessly. This snapshot of her behaviour, given the circumstance, will not determine whether she is the right girl for you. Time will tell. Whatever happens you need to get healthy - mentally and physically. But she has to address her relationship with her mother because it will not only damage her but those around her too - if she sees it from that perspective then perhaps she will stand up for herself more.

Good luck.

It was fun while it lasted but seems over to me, so get your head wrapped around it and just leave her alone. That's what you are supposed to do when you get dumped, disappear, and go back to doing your own thing. Let her work through her own issues, and you get yourself a good meal.

Sorry for your loss, but its time to move forward.

Move on and just leave this girl in the past, make her a closed chapter in you life and never re-open it ever again.