Hi folks,

Just hoping for a little advice about proceeding forward with an amazing woman.

I've been dating a woman who recently separated from a 10 year marriage. We've been dating for five months now.

We hit it off pretty well and have enjoyed amazing chemistry. Things mutually developed between us over the last few months that led to us talking on the phone daily for hours and emailing constantly throughout the day. We see each other frequently and have amazing dates. We both have very strong feelings for each other and are very happy when we're together. I realize that I'm speaking for her, but I've never picked up any bad vibes and I can feel confident in stating this.

However, a few weeks ago, she started commenting on the fact that she's become very 'anxious' about the fact that it seems as if she's jumped from a long term marriage into a serious relationship. This bothers her, not because she wants to go out and date others or that she has a problem with me, but that she's just not ready to accept the responsibilities that go with a serious relationship. She doesn't necessarily want to end things but she'd rather not be 'in a relationship' where she's officially someone's girlfriend. She is still happy to date me but that's about it. She felt that we got too intense too quickly.

She also told me that she feels guilty that she's not able to offer me all the things that she feels I deserve (ie meeting my family, visiting more often etc). She's also asked for space now to clear her head as she deals with all these changes in her life.

I totally get and respect what she's saying and I recognize that meeting such an amazing person at this time (after coming out of a marriage) is problematic, and places me in the danger of just being a rebound.

I'm totally content to give her as much space as she needs (ie not contacting her at all unless she initiates it) and to limit our contact to a level that she's comfortable with. She's told me that she just gets this way with everybody sometimes, and that she just might need a week to herself and then we'll talk more. I get it.

I've also suggested to her that we just see it as starting anew, like two people just getting to know each other and keeping the contact at this comfortable level. She said that she's happy about that and we'll just have to see how that works out. She's just concerned that I need more.

I guess where my concerns lie, is whether I'm kidding myself in believing that I'll ever have a change for a meaningful relationship with this woman. I recognize that we're facing challenges, but she's important enough to me that I don't want to lose the chance to have something lasting. She has described me as her 'ideal person' and a 'catch', but it's just the timing that's become a problem, as she sorts out herself right now and figures out her own life.

I had hoped that by giving her space to sort things out in her head and give her the 'me' time that she wants and then starting fresh that this might be a good starting point. I then had hoped that over time, with less pressure and going slowly that we might have a chance.

Even yesterday after we discussed all of this and she indicated that she wants all of this time to herself, she emailed me to just say hello. She even specified that she was saying hello because she wanted to not because she felt that she had to.

I'd appreciate any comments that anyone can provide.

It sounds like this may have been her first relationship since her separation. It was fresh, new and exciting and maybe that it has worn off and she is seeing things differently. She is coming back down to earth and realizing she needs to slow down.
You may still have a chance with her, but you need to slow things down.
You may realize that your feelings are not the same after a while as well.
Just take your time.

1st thing, she might have some bad experience on her past 10 years relationship which makes her so inconfidence getting into a relationship again. I believe her past 10 years relationship must be a worse or disaster for otherwise she would not decided to walk out from there.

It is great and kind of you to give her space when she needs it instead of so selfish holding her without giving her any oxygen to breathe. I think this is very important and a great support to her. It is normal for her to be confused at this stage is because she has been so used to the 10 years relationship life and also being attached to some other persons at that moment. (which might not be the same routines as what u guys have right now). However, you should not given her too much space for thinking others thing beside than adjusting herself and her new life. Though she can has a space, but you should also not to stop letting her know that how much you loves and appreciate her and care for her when she needs or does not needs. Good news for you is that she is still in love with you. Otherwise, she will not be uncontrollable to send any message or thinking of you ;)

For my case, I do just break up and fall in love with some other person. But because the new guy does not given any space for me to adjust and align my life back to single due to he wanted spending more time with me and afraid of losing me, therefore, right now we do always quarrel for the past which I still yet to adjust. But this is what I predictable and at that point of time, I insisted to take a short break and be fresh for him however, he does not agreed with that ideas which right now both of us ended up in broken relationship and regret on that.

Another advice is you should keep burning the flame and spark while giving her space. That will help when both of you decided to be together for long term commitment when she is ready. Good Luck to you buddy :)

Thank you for the responses. I appreciate them. I've found that giving her space has been more of a challenge than I thought. Not following our usual patterns and frequency of communication feels a lot like rejection.

The last few days have been quite odd. Immediately after I started giving her space ( which she said she appreciated), she started calling me. She even joked that me not calling her was like 'reverse psychology' because she just wanted me more. Then with minimal conmunication she invited me over to her home two days ago and she was quite affectionate and happy to see me. Now, since then I've barely heard from her. I'm totally baffled at trying to make sense of her talking to me one day as if she didn't need space at all... and then the next day I'm lucky to hear from her (which is unusual for us).

In terms of her past marriage. She still gets along with her ex, but the relationship did end badly after she couldn't get over an affair that he had earlier in the marriage. She acknowledges now that she has trust issues, but she does trust me.

I guess that I just have to keep giving her space, but it's just really challenging and this new distance between us really hurts.

Wow, your situation is almost identical to mine. I dated a woman that had separated from your husband as of 1 year (I believe it was closer to just a few months of physcailly being apart, i.e. not living togehter). We dated for 10 months and it was great. She was everything I wanted in a woman; attractive, fun to be with, affectionate, caring, smart, career minded and independent. We were both happy. She was so into to me. Then 10 months in something suddenly changed. Within 7 days she broke off our relationship and asked to go through this whole process of separation and eventual divorce alone. She stated that she still loved me, is happy with me and our relationship but is not emotionally ready to get into another serious relationship. She feels guilt about ending a marriage of 7 years (together for 15 years), breaking up a family, they had a 6 year old son so she felt guilty of turning his life upside down. She was confused about her feelings for me if they were geniune or related to the hurt she felt about the separation. She was convinced when I spoke with her that this was it and in her best interest. I was shocked and now I am heartbroken. Ive been reading online about stories of relationships after separation and it seems too similar. I appears its normal. I just wish I didn't have to find out this way.

Im glad you were able to make it work for the moment. I hope it is something you can continue.

I can only say that its important to keep doing your own thing, and that includes dating others, and having fun, while she gets her head, and her issues straight, because a few months of dating is hardly a time to think of long term romance, and she should be free to explore, and experiment without feeling bad about it, or hurting your feelings.

Yes it's a challenge, but its more a challenge to manage YOURSELF as you go through this. I mean after a 10 year marriage, what's the chances of a successful long term relationship? NONE!! Its just to soon. You should have know that from the beginning if you weren't so smitten, and overwhelmed by your own attractions to her.

Notice that less is more?


She even joked that me not calling her was like 'reverse psychology' because she just wanted me more.

Too much too fast, crash, and burn!!

Way to soon to wrap your life around this one, so have a happy life without her, so you keep the proper perspective, and not jinx yourself getting carried away by your own feelings. Lastly, is her divorce final?


I've been dating a woman who recently separated from a 10 year marriage. We've been dating for five months now.

That is an important fact not to ignore!! She may well decide to try again!