My BF will not break off contact with his ex because he says he feels guilty and he owes her about $30,000. Of course, she wants her money and he should repay it, but in the meantime, she acts like she owns him. She doesn't speak English very well (or pretends not to) and asks him to do everything from help her find a house to getting mulch for the yard... AND HE DOES IT.

I say he should tell her that he cannot continue to be at her beckon call, but that he will set a schedule to repay the money. However, he says she is "guilting him" into doing things.

How much to do think a loan makes him beholden to her? What do you think is fair to her and me?

He owes her money, nothing else. He needs to set up a payment plan and that is it.

She should get paid, plain and simple, BUT what's raising the hair on the back of my neck is how he owes her so much money, and why he hasn't started repaying her. I smell a rat here to be honest.

And he feels that guilty he gives up his dignity, and self respect?? UNREAL! That's not guilt, that's down right FEAR!!

I suppose she does sort of own him. He's the one you should be taking this out on, not her. If some guy ditched me owing that much I'd be doing whatever it takes to keep tabs on him, and if that means guilt tripping him until he forks over the dough, so be it. Why not write a contract with him in which you pay him 30K and he hands it to her with one hand while signing your contract with the other? Is it worth it? If you don't have 30K, decide if HE'S worth it.

Well, it is almost one year since I posted my question about my then boyfriend and the money he owed his ex.

Guess what? The one who smelled the rat... was spot on!

My "boyfriend" got me to loan him $6,000. To buy a truck. He paid me half of it back long after it was due (and still owes the other half). It was at that point that I discovered he was staying overnight with the "ex" sometimes. Three times I caught him and each time he swore they were just friends. How stupid was I??

Oh, it gets worse. Then, I discovered that the ex owned a asian massage parlor in some seedy little town and was under investigation by the Feds, ICE, and IRS. My ex is a COP by the way...

My mother had a saying "lay down with dogs, you come up with fleas". I understand what she meant. I've written off the $3,000. And fled the scene!

Good thing you didn't lend him the 30K.

Bad cops, bad cops, whatchagonna do when they come for you...

Thanks for coming back to report. This was a memorable tale.