Hey you, I'd like to get some advice on this breakup I am currently going through. It's long-winded, but I'd like to provide as much information as possible (without getting emotional) so I can get some solid insight...

I met this girl about 5 months ago and we hit it off right from the start. I'm 23, she's 22. We immediately were attracted to each other, dated, and were very happy together. We really became best friends and our friends all thought we were perfect for each other. We could be ourselves together, we had the same senses of humor, and we were just plain crazy about each other. When we talked about starting a relationship, she said she wasn't ready and needed more time because she had recently got out of a 1-year relationship (it ended in meaningless fights, her ex was needy and insecure, etc.).

She said she wasn't ready because she tends to get skeptical about commitment, she is fearful of getting hurt, she's seen some great relationships end terribly, and she fears that she will eventually lose interest.

After about 3 months of dating seriously, but without the relationship commitment, she told me she was ready to be my girlfriend. Our relationship really took off and we spent about 3 months being very happy, spending a great deal of time together and in group settings, and building a stronger relationship from before. Eventually we even exchanged "I love you's." We met each other's families several times and they told us they think we could be together for a long, long time.

But a few weeks ago we started realizing some changes were on the horizon: I'm graduating from school and am moving about 6 hours away to start a job, she still has another semester left before graduating, and she isn't sure what she wants to do after college. At this point she started to become distant. When we were together she acted distant and awkward, she didn't text or call me as much, she didn't initiate as much physically, and she just generally pushed me away a little bit.

Although it bothered me a little, I played it cool and figured it was a phase. She tends to completely internalize problems and concerns when they come up, so I thought she would eventually open up or it would pass. But then she broke up with me last week and told me she just "didn't feel right being in a relationship."

I tried to reassure her that she didn't need to be afraid of being hurt, didn't necessarily need to think of long-term plans at this point, and that we could deal with these kinds of issues as they came. After taking the breakup relatively well, thinking she just needed some time, I broke contact for a while. She still tried to contact me after the breakup, but I kept my responses very limited, in order to give her some space, let her figure herself out a little bit, and let her decision sink in.

Yesterday we exchanged some texts, she said that she missed me, and said she feels awful about everything. She wanted to talk about where to go from here.

So last night we got together and discussed things and she reaffirmed that she still loves me, but doesn't want a relationship. She said she wants to be friends, but I told her I wasn't interested in that; I want a relationship but I'm willing to give her time. She said she wishes she wanted a relationship, but there is something wrong with how she feels and it's not right to be with me right now. For awhile we just sat there crying and holding each other and she told me she wishes she didn't feel this way. I told her to figure this out and come back to me.

So that's where I am now. I want this to work out eventually and I think it has a real chance to. I know she does love me, but needs to deal with these personal issues. I know I can't do anything to change how she feels, but I don't really know where to go from here in order to give us a chance of starting a new relationship together.

Any advice? Where should I go from here? Thanks so much for any advice.

I think she just might be confused hun, you going away to work and her still being at college it's a big change especially for someone as you say is afraid of getting hurt. Maybe she thinks you going away that you might find other interests. Im not sure hun what to say but sometimes things go the way they do because they are meant to. Don't pressure her and don't call her too much like you said her ex was needy and insecure and maybe she's actually feeling a lottle insecure about you going away.

I think that may be what's going on too. I may have made the mistake of letting communication start too soon after the initial breakup, but I also think that our conversation last night was a good way of reassuring her.

I guess I'm just not sure where to go from here from my end. I want to be there for her, but not in a way that will prevent her from figuring herself out or in a way that helps her "move on" from me. I do want to take a week or two of absolutely no communication though, for my sake at least.

Another thing though is that she was originally optimistic about a long distance relationship. She has been in a long distance, long term relationship in the past and said it worked well. I'm not sure why all of a sudden this would be the main issue for the way she feels.

You are already so afraid to lose her that you will never hear what she is telling you, to back off and see what happens, with the coming changes. PERIOD. You will either do it her way and back off to give her a safe distance to protect herself, or become a distant frustrated insecure EX, who confirms to her that protecting herself was a GREAT idea, and not a mistake.

You are in the friend zone for now, and only she can decide if that will change anytime soon. That should be on her own accord, not because you influence her to.

Very good advice, talaniman. I'm going to be all right letting her make the decision on her own because I do love her and want her to be happy, even if that means I have to step back. I've decided to break contact for awhile (at least a few weeks) because that's all I can really do at this point to give us a chance for the future.

Go NO contact completely... plan to do it forever. Either she choses she is not ready for a relationship altogether, or she choses to be with you, don't let her put you on the back burner. Time to start moving on, you can always hope for the best, but act as if the worse was to happen.

Thank you for the advice, mmresd. Moving out of town for my new job will make that easier to do.