Ok I am so stressed out an confused I would really love someone to help shed some light on the situation.. I cannot go to family And friends... So here it goes...

I'm a 20 yr old girl.. My partner is some what older than myself... He is 32.. When he was 19 he found out he was going to become a father.. He wasn't seeing the girl but she went along with the preganancy. Therefore there is only 6 years age gap between myself and her.
We've been seeing each other for 12 months n only recbtoy has his daughter been involved in out relationship. I'd say 9months into our relationship we were introduced.. But n saying that he'd spent the day with her twice since we've been together..
Now we get along good I guess because it wasnttoo long ago I was her age.. About the third time I'd been around them both we spent the Sunday together, we watched a movie and all she wanted to do was spoon her dad, she would grab his arm n put it on her waist n I started to feel uncomfortable.. ( Keeping in mind she is a fully developed girl, large breasts say c-cup) anyway I put it out of my mind.. Until the next meeting when she was leaving she hugged him and pulled him onto the lounge for about five minutes.. These are just a few examples.. I told him I felt uncomfortable and he responded with "I hardly get to see he so I guess she wants to make up for lost time" I was happy without response; until I thought back to that age n thought there is no way I would ask my dad to spoon me^^ while we watch a movie..
We too a holiday to the beach and again we were watching a movie and she laid in front of him asked himto spoon her and grabbed his arm and put it underneath her breasts.. He removed it because he obviously knew it was wrong.. An hr later we went to the beach and once in the water she wouldn't get off him, wrapping her legs around his waist.

I felt so uncomfortable and I don't know what to do.. Am I thinking like this because we are so close in age or do u agree with me^^ it's weird? I just don't know many girls that age that would be like this with their father? Please give me it insight?

I have two thoughts - and 5 stepchildren.

Sometimes it's a question of "Dad loves me more." Sometimes it's inappropriate behavior. He is the one who decides which it is. Is she challenging YOU (for lack of a better word) and YOUR relationship with him?

I have a dear friend who said that if her husband were a tree and her stepdaughter a dog she (the stepdaughter) would urinate on him to indicate possession. It's never left my mind.

He "obviously" thought it was wrong - or he was uncomfortable because you were there OR he said it was wrong?

She's 14, right? A terrible age to begin with.

He's the one who can stop this behavior.

I am concerned that you refer to yourself as a "girl."

I'd talk to him, frankly and honestly. It's not about his attention to or time with his daughter. You THINK her behavior is inappropriate. What does he think?

I find her cup size immaterial.

He thinks it is perfectly normal I have voiced my opinion and he thinks it is normal.. Although he has Five brothers where as I have two sister I know it isn't anything to compare but I feel as tough he hasn't had teenage girls in his life so he doesn't know what girls are like compare to.. Speaking to my girlfriends they say they were never like that with their father either. In saying cup size I was voicing she was fully developed woman.
I do feel as though what you said about the dog was correct, for example.. My best friend posted a picture of him on face book and her response to her was...
Just want to warn you I don't like girls who think they can date my dad. Or try and have my dad So I'd be careful. It's OK of you want to be Frieda with him but if I find out but if I find out someone has been kissing my dad I'm your worst night mare dad I'm watching you as well as her
In response to the first paragraph, I feel as though he tries to compete wth me.. As though " oh if se does something I can do it so dad doesn't need her"

I have one word for you - beware.

And then I have three more - watch your back.

I walked away from relationships when teenage daughters decided it was a popularity contest - you can't win.

It's just so confusing I just never thought Id have to deal wth this.. At least not at this age ahhh! Thank you for your opinion. It's nice to know an out out siders opinion :)

It really does sound like possessiveness and competition, with you and any other woman.
If he doesn't see that, then maybe it's time to think about leaving.
It might be tempting to have a heart to heart with the daughter, about how you aren't trying to be her mother but she can't be his girlfriend, how love doesn't need to involve jealousy and possession, but I think it would all be lost on her. She sounds seriously determined, for now anyway.
Leaving him might take the blinders off. Many men like two women competing, so he needs to lose one, maybe temporarily. If you do decide to say so, mean it and have a place to go.

It really does sound like possessiveness and competition, with you and any other woman.
If he doesn't see that, then maybe it's time to think about leaving.
It might be tempting to have a heart to heart with the daughter, about how you aren't trying to be her mother but she can't be his girlfriend, how love doesn't need to involve jealousy and possession, but I think it would all be lost on her. She sounds seriously determined, for now anyway.
Leaving him might take the blinders off. Many men like two women competing, so he needs to lose one, maybe temporarily. If you do decide to say so, mean it and have a place to go.


I agree - when the father doesn't see it or any part of the inappropriate behavior, the posturing, the competition for his attention, the "girlfriend" is going to lose.

And if the daughter is looking for a reason to run to Daddy with "your girlfriend is picking on me," talking to her will give her that reason.

Been there. Done that. So glad I left. In my case if he had seen it in the short term he would not have seen it in the long term. I would have spent my life being second best while he "raised" his daughter - through her teens, her twenties, her thirties and so on.

In my case the mother died when the daughter was 19 - and, therefore, anything she did or didn't do was due to her grief... 10 years later. Drugs, alcohol, very unsuitable companions, acting out, dropping out of school, dropping into school, actual physical fights. Trust me - he's still coping with her and has burned up a number of very attractive, suitable "girlfriends" through the years. We actually were out to dinner when the daughter called, crying, FOUR YEARS after her mother died, not on the anniversary, not on a special day, because she was "lonely"... and he left the restaurant to console her. I finished my meal (at least he had the decency to pay), called a cab, walked out - and kept walking.

I don't see the 19 year old as having a chance, I also don't see this as a sexual issue, more of a man who still sees his 14 year old as a little girl and "daddies girl" This is control for her and she is putting you in your place, letting you know that you are number 2 and always will be.

I don't see the 19 year old as having a chance, I also don't see this as a sexual issue, more of a man who still sees his 14 year old as a little girl and "daddies girl" This is control for her and she is putting you in your place, letting you know that you are number 2 and always will be.


Bingo!