Okay so I fell in love with this girl back in last September and now it is April. I found out in December she is still talking to her ex who is in jail, they can somehow talk through the phone, I didn't know that was possible. Anyway, I love having sex with her up until recently. I either bust too fast or can't stay hard, and if I don't make her *** she bugs the hell out and will say mean stuff to me. I tried to tell her that its because I'm afraid I won't please her cause there is too much pressure, and I can't stop thinking about her talking to her ex. The problem is I love her and I only fell for her because I didn't know she was "using" me until December. But I chose to ignore it because I really liked her. She practically almost admitted it to me that they are getting back togethor when he gets out in January, I read the letters he wrote and she still keeps in contact with the family saying on their Facebook wall that she loves him and will always wait for him. So that is originally why I lost my hard, because I couldn't stand to think she was using me, then she got pissed I couldn't make her ***, so now I have two problems with sex. Before all this, she said I was so good because she never had anyone stimulate her **** before and *** at the same time while having sex, so that was her best orgasm. I know I can do it, I never had this problem before and I love her so I can't end it. But latly she has been really *****y, sometimes refuse to kiss me hello or good bye. So that all sticks in my head during sex, I was planning on using her back until I found someone else or until the ex gets out of jail but I can't stop thinking about it so sex isn't fun anymore... We really got along when I didn't know about all this b.s.. But now its even effecting hanging out. We acted like best friends, and I think she is so stupid because I know she loves me, she admitted it several times. But her ex is her first true love and she is sickly addicted to him. Tonight I almost ended it but I was afraid because every time I do, I end up missing her then calling her to get back togethor. She is all I really think about, I hope one day I could either move on but its impossible, or get her to realize I am better for her (win her over)... Either way I want sex too, not to sound selfish, but now that's not working either =\. I need serious advice please...

Most likely she will be back with her ex the day he gets out of jail. In jail or prison they have people put money on what is basically a phone card ( a special account) they can make phone calls on regular basis. In some Federal Prisons, they have access to special email accounts to use.

I think you already know the answer... she kept you around as the temporary chief backscratcher, while the Permanent chief backscratcher is away. You know that she's planning on with going back to him when he gets out. Take her at her word. Its time to find someone else, and do it now on your schedule... rather than on her schdule.

This may seem harsh. But take it as a wake up call.

No she doesn't love you. You said it yourself, she is using you. She tells you she loves you just to keep you coming back for more. She wants a body instead of a vibrator and you are providing it.

Get out of the relationship. Let her figure out how to get herself off instead of blaming you.

Don't play games of 'using her back'. It makes you sound like an immature male who can't accept that he is as obsessed with her as she is about her boyfriend in jail.

Using someone until you find another person is not healthy for you. You need to get out. Go full No Contact. Do not contact her Do not accept contact from her. Block her phone number. Delete messages/texts/e-mails. Get your life back on track instead of playing her game.

Give yourself time to get over her. Heal. Let the baggage go and move forward with your life. When you are ready, you will meet someone who wants to build a relationship with you. Build up your confidence in yourself so that you will be a healthy and stable partner for that person.

Walk away from her drama. Stop being her toy. Give yourself the tools and time to heal.

You will be much happier and probably won't have any problems of a sexual nature in your next relationship.

So there was a group of monks in history that proved their faith through self-torture. Their beliefs were so strong that they would suffer as proof of their conviction.

I am drawing an analogy here. Do you see what it is?

You're torturing yourself with this woman. You don't love her you lust her. Dump her. Get away from her. Stop thinking about her. Just... stop. For the love of your own sanity.

You've all but convinced yourself that there is a happy future with her and that isn't going to happen. Give up. Really.

It is like pulling off a bandaid. It is going to hurt but in the end it will be better.

Worst part of it all, she's lying to the guy in jail and saying I am just a gay friend because he was bugging out that she was with another dude. But she "cleared" it up with him with a lie... I was going to write to him myself just to tell him because I think he deserves to know but Idk if it's the right thing to do or not?
**I'll also try and break it off with her today, it must be lust and not love, I hope. I'll tell her that in the break up.

To cat also, I thought about her using me instead of a vibrator, but then I was like why doesn't she just find another guy to satisfy her if I am so bad at it (now). I was also out of a job for a month and half and she paid for me when we went out, not a lot but she helped so Idk I still believes she really does like me for those 2 good reasons.

worst part of it all, shes lying to the guy in jail and saying I am just a gay friend because he was bugging out that she was with another dude. But she "cleared" it up with him with a lie... I was gunna write to him myself just to tell him because I think he deserves to know but Idk if its the right thing to do or not?
**I'll also try and break it off with her today, it must be lust and not love, I hope. I'll tell her that in the break up.

Don't just TRY to do it... DO IT! Any woman that referred to me as gay is a female I'd treat like Nuclear waste and get as far away as possible as fast as possible.

To cat also, I thought about her using me instead of a vibrator, but then I was like why doesnt she just find another guy to satisfy her if I am so bad at it (now). I was also out of a job for a month and half and she payed for me when we went out, not alot but she helped so Idk I still believes she really does like me for those 2 good reasons.

She may be trying to convince herself she isn't using you or she may be using you as a 'whipping boy' for the person she is really upset with.

Do you know what a 'whipping boy' is? For awhile, in some places (primarily royal households) the higher-born children were not allowed to be disciplined. They had another person, usually another child, stand in for them. The 'whipping boy' would be educated with the royal child, but he would also be whipped for the misdeeds of the other child.

Don't ignore the warning signs of being used. If she will lie to someone else and his family, then she will lie to you.

How should I break it off with her, should I say you have to choose me or him right now? Or just not even give her the choice because if she chooses me I'll feel a hole go right through my heart. If I just end it because I can't deal with it anymore...

I wouldn't give her a choice. She's had one. It is time for you to make yours.

Be honest with her that the relationship isn't working out for you. I wouldn't give her any reasons past that. Anything else and she will try to bend you back around her little finger. I rarely say anything like this, but I bet she has a great 'poor pitiful me/how dare you treat me like this/but I love you so much' song and dance ready for the moment you start pulling away. Probably about as truthful as you being her 'gay friend'.

Once you make a decision and plans for standing by it, I think you will start to feel like a weight is lifted off your shoulders.

You aren't alone in this. We have lots of advice for getting over an ex. All you have to do is keep adding to this thread.

Good luck and take care of yourself.

How should I break it off with her, should I say you have to choose me or him right now? Or just not even give her the choice because if she chooses me I'll feel a hole go right through my heart. If I just end it because I can't deal with it anymore.....

Don't give her a choice. You know what she will choose. It won't be you in the end. She needs someone to love her, not someone to love. She also needs to make sure she has someone before she moves on. Like playing on the monkey bars, have a hold on the next one before you let go of the last.

So what you need to do is cut all contact off from her. Block her Facebook, cellphone, e-mail, and everything. Break it off with her after all the above is done. I would almost advocate doing it over the phone/text/whatnot, but she's still human and deserves a face to face. Just tell her that it isn't working out anymore. Walk away. Get in your car and drive. Don't let her get your claws into you any more.

The idea is a clean break and you're done. Don't let her get back in your head.

How should I break it off with her, should I say you have to choose me or him right now? Or just not even give her the choice because if she chooses me I'll feel a hole go right through my heart. If I just end it because I can't deal with it anymore.....

If you want to be a wimp do that... if you want to be a man just walk away.. she has shown she isn't worthy of anything that requires an effort. Walk away unless you like being a doormat... because that's how she's treating you... and worse. She has shown a total disrespect of you...

The fact of what you know is all the reason you need. Don't give an ultimatum.. it makes you look like a wuss, don't argue with her... because she's not worth it... and certainly don't get upset and hit her, nobody is worth that.

Also if you hang around... her jailbird boyfriend is likely to come kick your butt... no way is he happy you've been banging his old lady.

Sorry if that comes across as harsh... but dude... take a look at what you wrote again... seriously. She's played you for a sucker... you know it, and you STILL want to stick around for more.

Seriously you are going to thank us in the near future if you listen to what we said.

Thanks guys for the help, I am sort of like addicted to her like she is addicted to him, terrible triangle. She didn't answer any calls today so far, I just started to call her though. I was going to show up at her house but I want to talk to her when her mom isn't there. Plus I don't want to just show up, I want to give her space since I know she was really mad after last night/the performance I gave her which wasn't my fault. I couldn't stop thinking about her lies during it.

You're playing her game. The drama is playing you.

Quit worrying about how she feels, how her mom will react. Take care of you!

Yes, give her space; change your phone number and quit trying to contact her. When she finds you, tell her that it isn't working for you and walk away. It may be hard at first, but respect yourself. The next girl you become involved with will meet a more self-respecting man.

Okay so today I hung out with my friend and I pretended we were already broken up and it killed me, I wish I wasn't such a pansy. Break ups are the worst, I called her on the phone and she's coming over, I am going to have the talk with her. What if I just stay friends with her? Do you think I can handle it? Because she was/is literally my best friend because all my other best friends move/went away to college/or got girlfriends so it let me become closer with her. I really don't have many other best friends. I think that's why it killed today while I pretended to be broken up. The one friend I hung with I'm sort of getting close with now but that's about it.

Give it time... in a few weeks of absolutely NO contact you are going to laugh at this.

I just ended it tonight, wow I can't believe I actually did it. It was a mature break up I even asked her for advice for the future but she wasn't very talkative I did most of the talking. Feels like a weight lifted off my shoulder I just hope it doesn't come back when I start to miss her... I hate break-ups more than anything. I was so mature about it and I pointed out so many key things that she has done wrong and I hope I got through to her future.

I just ended it tonight, wow I can't believe I actually did it. It was a mature break up I even asked her for advice for the future but she wasn't very talkative I did most of the talking. Feels like a weight lifted off my shoulder I just hope it doesn't come back when I start to miss her... I hate break-ups more than anything. I was so mature about it and I pointed out so many key things that she has done wrong and I hope I got through to her future.

I am very glad that you made this break. There are going to be times when you aren't, but that is a part of breaking up. There are things you can do to make this easier on yourself such as giving yourself time and space to heal. You are going to get involved in your own life and give yourself the support that you need to leave this behind you, aren't you?

You were saying that you don't have many friends. What can you do to encourage yourself to get out and meet new people? What are some of your interests or hobbies? They can be a great way to meet people who have something in common with you.

Good luck.

Certain women have a way of worming into your head and screwing with you ( I think its happened to all of us at least one time or more, so you aren't alone in this)... You were lucky enough to figure it out before you answer the door to find some guy that wants to knock you around.

Its going to be hard at first... but it does get easier... you just have to remind yourself of what she did to you and how she played you. And like I said... in no time at all you are going to be laughing at this and wondering how you ever let yourself get into this. And you will have learned an important lesson... and it will make you a better person.

And best of all... you get to keep your Man-card.

Okay so today I log on to Facebook and now her relationship status is in a relationship with the guy from jail... I told her she can do whatever she wants with Facebook because I was trying to be mature and not care, but I can't believe a day later she made that. It's not even his original Facebook either, she made a new one for him just to do that. I said I wasn't going to delete her but that honestly pissed me off and I don't want to get mad like that again, I just want it to be all over. Or should I just ignore it and not post anything at all and act like I don't care. I know she was doing it to get a rise out of me, because before we met she never made a fake fb for the kid, even when she wasn't talking to other guys either. Like what the heck this pissed me off...

Okay so today I log on to facebook and now her relationship status is in a relationship with the guy from jail........ I told her she can do whatever she wants with facebook because I was trying to be mature and not care, but I can't believe a day later she made that. It's not even his original facebook either, she made a new one for him just to do that. I said I wasn't going to delete her but that honestly pissed me off and I don't want to get mad like that again, I just want it to be all over. Or should I just ignore it and not post anything at all and act like I don't care. I know she was doing it to get a rise out of me, because before we met she never made a fake fb for the kid, even when she wasn't talking to other guys either. like wtf this pissed me off....

I hate to say I told you so. But... I told you so. Actually I really like saying that.

Block her. From everything. She will continue to do this for no other reason than it to get a rise out of you. It amuses her to make you hurt like this. Block her. Face book, e-mail, phone, everything.

What you have right now is a raw open bleeding emotional wound. She is pulling off the scab and poking at it. Pouring salt if you would. You're letting her do that.

Stop it. Block her from contacting her. If you don't do that then little things like this will continue popping up and pull you further down. Nut up and do it.

Once again, stop playing her game.

Don't try to be her friend.
Don't keep any type of contact with her.
De-friend her on Facebook.
Accept that this is who she is and how she acts and that you don't have to put up with it.

Stop thinking of her as a priceless diamond. By her actions, she is worth about as much as a plastic bead.

Be mature and walk away. Go to the gym. Play a game. Call your friend up to hang out. Do you have any hobbies? Any interests you could explore?

All right ill block her, not like it matters since I'll never see her again, I also blocked her from my phone too. Thanks so much though, I really hope I get over her soon the cold turkey way.

You will get over her but it won't be soon.

This is one of those things you just HAVE to do... there is no easy or pleasant way... but you WILL get over her, and you will come to grips and hate her for treating you like a door mat. And it won't be as easy to fall into the same trap a second time.

So today was the worst day so far during this break up, I realized she was one of my best friends. Before all the drama we got along so well and hung out EVERY DAY. So now I go back into my life and usually have nothing to do. I really don't want to do anything either from being depressed. I dreamed about her last night that we were just hanging out and woke up wanting to fall back asleep. I did not delete her on fb yet though, and I constantly check hers cause I am an idiot. But, I wonder if I should have stayed friends with her? That's the one thing that is haunting my mind right now, I have lost a ton of best friends my whole life and I can't stand to lose another...

Eventually your balls do grow back, (and even bigger and better than before)... and once you get past the very necessary NO CONTACT period, you are going to feel much, much better than you did before.

Its really not unlike a drug addict or alcoholic going through detox... or giving up smoking.

Trust me in a few weeks you are going to think back and laugh at yourself... trust me, I don't think there is a person here that hasn't gone through something similar before, some more than once. Maybe the exact situation was different.. but walking away from any toxic relationship really isn't.

They all have this initial rough period... but it does get easier. You have to stick it out... and its an exercise in character building. You will be a better person after you get through it. Keep THAT in mind and it might help make it easier.

Okay so what should I do about thinking about her when I go out to a place me and her have been before, I lived in the same town my whole life so I took her everywhere I go. Should I stop going there for a while or should I still try? I don't know the rule to getting over a break up when it comes to spots you use to go to togethor and its hard because like I said I lived in the same town my whole life, not many other places to go...

Ever here the saying, "Time heals all wounds."? Try and change your routine for a while anyway... eventually your brain will come to terms with reality and its not going to bother you any more... but give it time. First stop feeling bad for yourself... she was the scumbag here that was using you... keep remembering that... she was using you... every time you think of her remember that she was using you... and trust me.. eventually you will automatically remember that and you are going to know deep down and otherwise... she played you for a sucker.

There is no one "Rule" you eventually find what works for you and you go with it. I wouldn't AVOID all places you went together... just don't spend all your time in the same places.