I'm am an arab girl who is 16 I still go to school and I want to go to collage. I am 3 quarters arabic and a quarter english. I really need some help with something, I fell in love with a boy that I love and will do anything for, he loves me as much as I love him. Within 3 days of speaking to each other on the phone he told his mom that he wants her to come and ask for my hand so she did the following week. My dad replied after 9 days and said yes as iwas happy with it then they come the next day and the discussed the money and jewerllery and wedding and everything the women was not able to pay the moneyt straight away. As she had a son that was waiting to get married in yemen so she had to pay for his wedding fist but she was willing to pay half of it. Basically my dad asked for 14 grand and then took it down to 11 he said he wanted 6 grand within 3 months so he could go and get the jewerlley before the price goes up but as much as the women wanted to to make me and her son happy she couldn't as she never had it. My dad is asking for too much money and making her pay for the wedding and being really confussing about it he's asking for too much and not thinking. I don't no what to do bcasue wallah I love this boy to bits can you please give me some advice:) thank you so much

If you are 16, how old is he? Girl I understand wher you come from. But, if his family doen't have what it takes to help their son with his marriage. Then, get engaged for now. You both can go finish your education which is way more important then getting married. Trust me engagement time is so much fun. Once you get married, all the fun that you had in your engagement time will stop. Don't rush you guys. Wait for him to get a job and then he can pay all you ask from him. He will not need his family financial support. Wouldn't it be a interisting to see the one you love working hard and sweating to win you heart. Baby girl l[what comes easy goes easy.]. Fahmtyni yasminn!!

Are you asking about the Islam religion or something else?

Is it possible to give this more time, as I see no hurry for you to get married, so no hurry to collect the money. Given the circumstances, the gift of TIME to reconcile the financial arrangements would be a blessing to all. It also allows the relationships between families grow.

Is this possible, or is there a time limit? I mean in 3 years, it should be better then, right?

No because I have the type of family that will rush me well my dad he has never mensioned EVER force marrige and he will never do that to me but I love this boy with my heart and my soul and I trust him with everything he will never do anything to hurt or upset me, I don't need any gold buit my dad don't understand that. His moms lovley and so respectful and love her to bits. I'm going to finish collage and his going to finish university in 3 years and that's when we will defentally have everything ready but I no my dad will reck it for me AGAIN. I don't want to do anything stupid but I will if I have to for this boy. If you're a muslim you would understand but god knows.

I don't know what it is you want to hear - what will make you feel better, solve this issue for you?

Yes solve it for me give ne good advice tell me how to sort it out..

Then answer my question - are you asking about Islam or something else?

I don't understand what you are trying to sort out. It appears your father is making the decisions in your life. You can either respect him and conform to his wishes or disrespect him and go off on your own.

It is the husbands families responsibility to pay for the wedding.
The girls parents are supposed to offer to pay half. And the husbands parents can accept or decline.

Good this was moved from weddings - and thank you, Jennie.

Jennie, what jewelry is OP asking about? Is there some jewelry that is required that the husband's family pays for and the wife's family chooses?

Allahuakbar?

Mohamed what do you mean? An it's Islam judy and what you mean by go on your own? My dads ruined everything thinking it's for the best my dad won't offer to pay half I no he won't that family had to pay 6 grand for the jewellery apparently it's everything for the women but it isn't love is it??

I want six thousand pound tell me where I can get it from I'm not jokeing I give up!!

LOL, don't get all upset, maybe this is your dads strategy to slow things down, because he knows they cannot meet the requirements he puts on them, and it's a good one. So instead of fretting over this, see how things progress, and re evaluate the situation in 3 years, plenty of time to save for a wedding.

You are only 16, and a good parent will find ways to protect his young daughter from her own young impulses. tell this to your boyfriend and his mother, instead of all this panic, and anxiety you have.

Fathers do these things and its from a place of love and protection, and when you understand that, then you will calm yourself, and get about doing the right thing for yourself. I mean what parents just give there 16 year old daughter away for cheap, to a young unproven kid! I would not, and agree with your parents handling of this situation.

It is wise and loving and smart as hell!!

Mohamed what do you mean? An it's Islam judy and what you mean by go on your own? My dads ruined everything thinking it's for the best my dad won't offer to pay half I no he won't that family had to pay 6 grand for the jewellery apparently it's everything for the women but it isn't love is it???


I don't know if you are on AMHD to argue or to ask a question.

What I mean is - either do it your father's way, his rules, his money OR do it your way - your rules, your money.

I am unfamiliar with a culture where you pay for a bride, so the question is foreign to me.

I don't know what advice you are looking for. No one here is going to lend you the money.

I ay asking for money and I ent hear to argue OK I'm confused and the only one that's helping me talaniman they seem to understand me a lot sothankyou to them that advice has helped me a lot thank you so much you seem to be a really caring and understanding person talaniman god bless you xxxx

I don't think even Talaniman is going to give you money.

Have you ever met your boyfriend face to face?

I never Said she/ he was going to give me money and I ay asking her to her/ he advice means a lot more than money so... And no I haven't why?

You have twice said you are asking for money. I thought you meant you wanted/needed money from AMHD.

If you have never met this person you love so desperately I understand your father's concern. This sounds very impetuous.

How many boyfriends have you had in the past? (And, yes, I realize you are 16)

I haven't had any boyfriends and no I haven't said I want money except once but never asked for amhd for some and what do you mean impetuous?? And what does amhd stand for??

I havnt had any boyfriends and no I havnt said I want money except once but never asked for amhd for some and what do you mean impetuous??? And what does amhd stand for ???


Your posts 12 and 15 ask for money.

AMHD is where you are posting - Ask Me Help Desk.

Impetuous means to act quickly, without thinking things through.

And I originally asked if this is a question about weddings - not marriages, which is another category - or Islam because you posted in the weddings category. Your post has been moved to Islam.

I have not seen the OP ask for money.

OP, you need to stop worrying about where the money will come from, and asking where you can get money. That is not for you to figure out. That is your future husbands parents responsibility. Not yours. And it is your parents responsibility for their contribution.

Instead of being on this website, perhaps you should be speaking with your father about this? Your Imam? Your future husband?

All of whom know you and know what you are asking, and will be able to answer.

Good luck! And congratulations on your marriage!

I have not seen the OP ask for money.

OP, you need to stop worrying about where the money will come from, and asking where you can get money. that is not for you to figure out. That is your future husbands parents responsibility. not yours. and it is your parents responsibility for their contribution.

Instead of being on this website, perhaps you should be speaking with your father about this? Your Imam? Your future husband?

All of whom know you and know what you are asking, and will be able to answer.

Good luck! And congratulations on your marriage!



I'm reading that OP says she asked for money "once." What does "I ay asking for money and I ent hear to argue ok I'm confused " mean?

Jennie, can you explain the "money for jewelry," apparently in order to get married, part of this? Aside from us reading this differently, I don't understand the problem.

I know you've studied and can explain so I'd like it if you would.

Many religions require a "dowry" to get married.

I'm reading that OP says she asked for money "once." What does "I ay asking for money and I ent hear to argue ok I'm confused " mean?

Jennie, can you explain the "money for jewelry," apparently in order to get married, part of this? Aside from us reading this differently, I don't understand the problem.

I know you've studied and can explain so I'd like it if you would.

I don't know honestly. I do know a few things, such as women wear gold, but men cannot because of reproductive issues.
I do know that there are certain things a girl is supposed to wear at her wedding.
I'm looking through my books to find the answer. But I've never been married in Islam.

But I'm looking and hopefully I will find it.

I've said it before, Jennie, and I'll say it again. You always explain, find the answer, clear up questions. I ALWAYS appreciate what you have to say - and I ALWAYS know you are correct.

I'm really curious to find this out. It would seem that people with means can't get married, which seems unfair. On the other hand with the divorce rate in the US maybe it's not a bad idea!

Judy, you made me blush... Thank you :)


Im very curious to find this out too! I am not muslim (anymore I suppose, I don't feel I ever was, but the way Islam works, they may believe me to be an apostate lol) and ill never have a muslim wedding, but I do want to know more about this. So far all I can find is that there are specific types of jewlery that must be worn by the woman at her wedding. I can't seem to find WHY. Lol.

I agree, the divorce rate here in the US is scary, and granted, Islam doesn't have all the answers (I don't think anyone does yet) but they certainly must do something right.

And I have read on some social sites that the divorce rates for Muslims rise a LOT when the married couple moves to one of the more 'civilized' countries (I don't mean that offensively) especially the US. I have always believed divorce is contagious :P

I'm reading that OP says she asked for money "once." What does "I ay asking for money and I ent hear to argue ok I'm confused " mean?

Jennie, can you explain the "money for jewelry," apparently in order to get married, part of this? Aside from us reading this differently, I don't understand the problem.

I know you've studied and can explain so I'd like it if you would.

I THINK she is trying to say

""Im not asking for money and I not here to argue ok? I'm confused""

I think she is either using a translator or still learning english.