So after her dumping me after 1.5 years of being together and ignoring me for 2 weeks after the breakup , I finally did a NC for 5 days and she called me at 2am a few days ago but didn't pickup or sent her anything.

Since then she added her ex ( from 4 years ago ) on Facebook the next day , she gave him her number on Facebook and then "archived" the messages since she knows that I know her password.

I know she wants to have the security of having me there even if she ignores me but why go that far to try and get my attention if she doesn't want to be with me?

Whatever her reasons,keep ignoring her-NC 100 %-it's for your healing,so that you can move on.

Leave her to her mind games and go do your own thing.

There is guilt building up and playing with my head. I start to doubt that everything I did was right towards her.

She dumped you, so revoke her relationship privileges by ignoring her, staying off her social pages, and disappearing from her life. That's how you heal, and move on with out BS, confusion, and drama.

Keep a check if she is not in any bad situation through friends, but other then that, be on NC 100%

Don't check through friends is my opinion, that's not 100% NC, nor will it help those feelings from being stirred up by news of her.

So after waiting for a month of NC, I messaged my ex and long story short we've talked a little bit for the past 2 days. However, today I sent her a funny picture of a cat, as I know she loves cats but she didn't reply. Do you think it looked manipulative that's why she didn't reply? Her replies before looked pretty optimistic and she seemed to engage in the conversation pretty well. What should I do?

After her calling me at 2 am one night ( didn't pick up ) after 2 weeks of NC , I messaged her again 4 days ago. She was kind of distant and cold at times but I had hope that it would slowly get better. I told her that I was missing her and the stuff we used to do and she replied . " I understand that, i think about you too. I am really glad you are doing well"

I found hope in that message that maybe she was rethinking her decision. We were texting here and there throughout the past 4 days.However, today she didn't reply to some of messages and I asked her if she was feeling uncomfortable texting and she said that she did. So I said I was sorry and I understand.

I ve had many relationships before and for some reason I genuinely believe that this was real love. And I'm 100% sure she loves me.

Can anyone please help me understand? Does she need time? Does she love me but still wants to move on?

Do you think it is likely for my ex of 1.5 years to be back with her ex of 4 years ago (long distance) , 2 weeks after we break up? She added him on Facebook not even 2 weeks ago and HIS status changed to "In relationship" 2 days ago. I know for a fact that she would never change it if she was in a relationship so I wouldn't get hurt or something.

I know I am becoming paranoid but I know you all understand what is going on in my head right now.

Your head is full of confusion and false hope, mostly because you break NO CONTACT, and allow her to break it. You have to do a much better job of ignoring her, and doing your thing and not give in to the impulsive contact.

Do NO CONTACT the right way, so you can stop tripping on her, and what she is doing, and find other ways to spend your time and effort with.

Im trying really hard but I keep waking up to those dreams with her every day and it seems that the only time I'm happy is when I'm dreaming.

Having thoughts and dreams that trigger feelings is normal, and human. What you do about them is what counts, and over time if you keep busy and enjoy your life those old feelings fade, as you keep replacing them with new ones.

Its normal to dream of things that made us happy. We all want to be happy, even as we are going through tough times. Especially if we are going through a tough time.

Even old married guys (And wives) have dreams about previous loves. You'll see. In time you won't be disturbed by them at all once you learn to cope with the feelings. Its as big a deal as you let it be. Thing is to seek to be happy without her, when you are awake.

Thanks, I really appreciate your help.

The feeling gets better day by day and I hope that one day ill stop thinking about her. Im trying to remember bad times we had so I won't miss her and it seems to work sometimes.

The only fear I have is that, after I go back to my country for summer ( 3.5 months ) and then return back to the states for school that she might try to contact me because I think one of the biggest reasons she doesn't want to commit now is that I'm leaving for the summer.

That could well be, but I see no point in worrying about what hasn't happened yet. One day at a time and cross that bridge when you come to it.

Since I broke up with my girlfriend I've been nothing but depressed. I thought about suicide but I would never do that to my parents. I am not a coward but she was my everything and I am being dillusional thinking that she might come back one day when I know she won't.

Please help me. My friends call me dramatic and no one wants to hear about this anymore. I went to this party yesterday and I just left hysterically crying because I couldn't deal with my feelings.

Im really sorry to hear about your break up! It really hurts when someone you love leaves you but please don't commit suicide over this. I understand the pain you are going through as I was in love with my boyfriend and when he left it me it was the worst experience but time will heal you, trust me. You need to relise that if she left you then you can do better. Some one better will come along! You need to spend time just crying, try to get alll your emotions out. Try to pamper yourself and do things you enjoy that will get your mind of him. Also I found writing in a diary helped keep my emotions in control! Please don't give up!!

Thank you.

I don't know what to do though. Im away from my family ( studying in the US ) and I can't even talk to them about it. The thing that hurts the most is that my friends here won't even try to help me. If someone needed my help in a case like this I would do anything to help them. I am stuck in my small room staring at the walls feeling like the world is over and I don't even want to go out just in case I happen to run into her.

I'm so sorry, and your friends really are not helpful. I suppose that you should keep talking to people online about it if you have no one else, it should help. Also, you'll find somebody else, trust me. This one girl is not worth your life, you have a ton left to live for. Take everything slowly, but make sure you don't keep everything bottled in; that never helps. When you feel ready, go out and run some errands or something that can keep your mind occupied.

Actually the coward kills theirself, since they are not brave enough to face the world.

And not to make it sound wrong, but girlfriends and loves will come and go out of your life often, that is how love works, If you find the right one and live 30 years with them, death takes one of you first normally.

If you are having this much trouble, get some professional counseling.

You are right, this is about dealing with your OWN feelings and you have a lot of crying to do, but you must also get some physical action going for yourself. Understand that a part of this is being isolated, and a part of this is a lack of having that good listener.

The main part of this is this is still a very fresh hurtful wound, and you have no experience in how to address it. All you can see is the end of your world. I cannot stress the need to get some fresh air and exercise, strenuous as possible, and vent the intensity of your feelings so they can be dealt with. Write a long letter to her, put everything in it you feel, read it two hours later, and burn it! Then get busy with some exercise.

I guess you are also seeing that your friends are hardly sympathetic to you, and that's another area of your life that has added to your already hurt feelings. Know this, as a break up often reveals to us the things we need to change, correct, and make better, as a happy life without your partner, is so essential to having a happy relationship.

Now cry your eyes out, and write that letter, and get some air and exercise. The gym, or a run, either is okay. Two aspirin, and a good nights sleep. To be ready to deal with whatever the day brings. Break ups are exhausting.

So.. we broke up about a month ago and after a 2 week of NC and several failed attempts to talk, ex messages me on Sunday and we went up meeting up that night . She stayed over my place till this morning as she had to go to class. Everything felt like old times( she would kiss me, hug me first ) but I'm still really scared about what is going on. Why would she text me if she was the one to break up with me? Is she using me to have a good time?

When I asked her about us, she said that she doesn't want to rush this and that we've been both doing better since we broke up. Sounds like a case of I want the cake and I want to eat it too but I find it hard to believe she would be like that.

Help please.

I think you sound right, she wants the best of both worlds, but if you want to see how things go then that's fine, its all follow your heart I'm afraid no one can tell you what is right or wrong, love works both ways and there was a reason she left u (may you agree with it or not) so you have to figure out what changed her views

I think ill just enjoy it while it lasts and try to get over her in that process. I am just in denial that she would just use me after all we had.

Anyone has any thoughts? You think she's after money and having a good time instead of feelings? I find it weird for everything to be normal like nothing happened ( have sex , do the things we used to do, act like we are together ) but still she doesn't want to talk about us.

Slight Update : I found out she is out with her friend hitting a bar and a stripclub. Like what the hell.

Dude, she is stopping you from moving on, or disappearing from her life, and you gobbled it up, think this is your big chance, but of course you are still dumped, but available when she needs.

You let me know how this works out for you. Back to the confused misery you came here with.

I know man. But how can everything be perfect? I asked her why she was here and she said that she missed me. She would come and cuddle with me and kiss me and then she told me that she had so much fun the past two days and we really were. We were texting today and I told her I had to do something and that she could text me whenever she wanted to talk and she said okay and everything but still nothing. And now I find out that she's out with her friend at a bar or something. What should I do to know what's going on? I feel that if I find out that her intensions were to just have fun and use me then its going to be easier for me to move on, or so I think.

She isn't using you, not intentionally I don't think, but she is determined to enjoy you, and whatever else she decides to do with her time, and friends. Its great not to be committed and have options.

But you my friend have got to get over the notion of being in an official exclusive relationship, and must decide how you will handle yourself. That's the problem as you expect things to go back to what it was, and it simply will NOT!

That means you either take control of yourself and the situation by deciding if you can handle the new program she wants, or walk away, and tell her to leave you alone. Personally, I would always have time for this off/on thing she is doing when she feels like it.

That's where the confusion is and you will never get your head together letting her come and go in your life as she pleases, no matter how good it is when she is there with you. So you have choices and options too, and not just be a p***y whipped part time boy toy, whose head is so full of this female you compromise your dignity, and self respect.

Think my friend, to heal and get your act together you have to stand up to this female and not just give in to her, when she wants to spend time with you.

Never make a person a priority in your life, while allowing them to make you an option in theirs.

That's the best reply I've ever got so far. You hit the nail right on the head. Thank you

I will stand up for myself and show her that she can't push me around like that. I have realized that she is nothing like the person I thought she was and I don't want to waste anymore time hoping that she will someday become who I thought she was in my eyes.

What ill do is enjoy the time we have left together as I'm going back to my home country for summer in 3 weeks and I won't see her for 4 months and in that time I will be away from everything here and its going to be easier to move on.

It sucks that the girl I once thought of as my future wife , was in fact nothing but an illusion I've created in my head, a perfect girl.

To those reading this, never build your life around a girl.

You are learning my friend, never let your feelings get you carried away, no matter how intense they may be at the time.

Update:

We talked about some stuff yesterday and she told me that her feelings haven't changed about me and that she is just in a bad time in her life and that she doesn't want to complicate things and put any stress on her life because we used to fight a lot. However, I am pretty sure I saw her texting another guy yesterday while she was here and the guy was the "rebound" guy.

I also asked her what are we considered or where does she ultimately see us going and she said she lives for the moment and doesn't think about the future. When I asked her if it was a good idea to keep seeing each other she told me " Are you willing to keep hanging out and not be dating?"

What should I do?

If you want her back. Ignore her. Sounds ridiculous, but give it time to see just how badly she needs you. Once you reply to one of her messages, you're under her control again. Just keep the upper hand for now, until you know exactly how important you are to her.

I really don't know what to do anymore.

She was over at my place yesterday again ( last time she spent 3 days in a row here ) and everything was like we were together.

Today , she stopped replying to my texts and then when she started again she told me " i dont want to text , i dont text as much anymore" and then a few minutes later we started this long conversation about random stuff. I have this suspicion that she was with another guy and just didn't want to risk getting caught talking to me.

What can I do ?

What I have noticed from your posts is one thing, no disrespect intended.
You are wishy-washy and allowing someone to manipulate you in the worst way.
Are you open to a woman's take on this?
YOU ARE BEING USED, Clear and simple, and a text is all it takes for her to have you swaying in her breeze.
It may be unintentional on her part, but I doubt it.
She is not doing this to you, you are doing it to you by allowing it. And I think she knows that and is using it to her advantage.
You really need to step back and evaluate the relationship, look how much angst you are in because of it.
Is it really worth it?

What I have noticed from your posts is one thing, no disrespect intended.
You are wishy-washy and allowing someone to manipulate you in the worst way.
Are you open to a woman's take on this?
YOU ARE BEING USED, Clear and simple, and a text is all it takes for her to have you swaying in her breeze.
It may be unintentional on her part, but I doubt it.
She is not doing this to you, you are doing it to you by allowing it. And I think she knows that and is using it to her advantage.
You really need to step back and evaluate the relationship, look how much angst you are in because of it.
Is it really worth it?

I don't know why I'm so in love with her.

Let it go, and get your sanity back. That's what you should do!

For your sake, let it go, You have gotten very good advice from talaniman, it's time to heed that advice.
It hurts, yes, we've all been there at one time or another and the only answer is completely separate yourself from the problem.
There will be other girls/women, trust me.
I'm betting when you go back to your own home and she has no access to you that you will do much better with this whole situation.

Update:

So , she has been at my place since Friday and we have been perfectly happy at least or so I thought. Everything seemed to be great but I saw that she was texting another guy while she was here and I just couldn't deal with that bs anymore. Today I talked to her about how I feel and I told her that I can't do that anymore and that I don't to "hang out" as she calls it, anymore.

She started crying hysterically when I told her and she told me that I will never understand how much she loves me. My question:

Why would she be with me for almost a week straight when she is texting with this other dude about meeting up, why would she start crying and stuff?

She also texted me this after she left this morning:

" I want you to know that understand what you are saying and you are right. I'm sorry for putting you in this position. And so you know, i will never love anyone else how i love you. And im sorry for hurting you. I wasnt trying to disrespect you. I just wanted the feeling of knowing how it felt to be loved back by someone you love."

But still.. she texts the other guy, and doesn't want to be in a relationship.

I feel proud that I had the courage to step up and tell her that and I hope I can be strong and stick to my decision

Let it go, and get your sanity back. That's what you should do!
This is what Talaniman said a week ago-time to listen...

Now stick with your decision!

Update:

So , she has been at my place since Friday and we have been perfectly happy at least or so i thought. Everything seemed to be great but i saw that she was texting another guy while she was here and i just couldn't deal with that bs anymore. Today i talked to her about how i feel and i told her that i can't do that anymore and that i dont to "hang out" as she calls it, anymore.

She started crying hysterically when i told her and she told me that i will never understand how much she loves me. My question:

Why would she be with me for almost a week straight when she is texting with this other dude about meeting up, why would she start crying and stuff?

She also texted me this after she left this morning:

" I want you to know that understand what you are saying and you are right. I'm sorry for putting you in this position. And so you know, i will never love anyone else how i love you. And im sorry for hurting you. I wasnt trying to disrespect you. I just wanted the feeling of knowing how it felt to be loved back by someone you love."

But still.. she texts the other guy, and doesn't want to be in a relationship.

I feel proud that i had the courage to step up and tell her that and i hope i can be strong and stick to my decision

What you need to do is go into no contact. Delete her off Facebook, your cell phone, messenger , etc. Don't talk to her, don't reply to her text, and congratulations you have made the first step to moving on. Now all you need to do is keep no contact and follow through and stick to your decision. Any contact with her would bring u 2 steps backward for every 1 step forward you make and that is not good.

I do not understand the NC-No Contact rule that you kids have developed. Obviously, when you break up with someone, you actually DO NOT WANT ANY CONTACT WITH THEM? Correct? Then why make a NC rule?
Move on. Ignore any attempts by her to contact you. Change your cell number, change your Facebook password(why anyone would allow anyone else access to their account is beyond me)Change your email address. MOVE ON...