Tuesday 4th of April 2012: I feel so sad, depressed, in pain, humiliated, stupid and frustrated.

I never thought I would feel like this ever in my life. All this mixed bad emotions is crazy! F love F crushes. Why.. am I so naïve? Or maybe just sad and lonely? How did a good friendship ended to be a love story for me? God this is so painful. It feels like a thousand knives piercing through my heart.

I first met this guy almost a year ago or less... never had anything toward him.. he was just like any ordinary guy. I even found out that he was my neighbor later on. We never spoke or hangout, it was just hi, how are you toady, I'm good thanks. Until one day, I woke up in the morning after a long fun and drinking night with friends, and I found him sitting on the chair that is in front of my house talking on the phone. So I decided to go and say hi. We talked and talked for almost 3 hours, I realized how much fun and good guy he is, and so we became friends.

Time passed by, and every weekend I have a small party in my house where we drink, get wasted and then make fun of each other. One day he decided to join us, so he got drunk and so did I, and then he asked me to dance with him! A romantic dance!! I was like Hmmmmm, OK let me indulge him. So we danced and then he hugged me and went away. And so every weekend the same thing happens again but in more gayish way, like a lot of touching, hugging, kissing in the cheeks and sometimes holding hands.

Anyway, after a while I had a dream about him kissing me in the lips. I woke up and that's when I started having feelings for him. I never told him about it, and then I started to care more about him. On Monday 2nd of April he invited me to his place to smoke shisha (hublybubly), and we had some drinks. Then we started sharing personal details about our lives and of course there were touching involved, I even played with his hair while he was talking.

Nooooooooooow after this looooong introduction. On the 3rd of April which is the next day. He also invited me to his place but this time there were a lot of drinking involved. So I started drinking until I got drunk but he was only tipsy. That's when my inner feelings came out... (by the way the light was off) and his laptop was in front of us we were watching a movie and then played some songs. Then I started getting closer to him and put my head on his shoulder... he didn't mind... then my head went to his chest and his arms around me... he didn't mind... then I started playing with my hand on his chest and my face got sooo close to his face I was hearing his heart like a drum... he didn't mind... then my elbow went slightly down to touch his and I started moving it until his became bigger... he didn't mind... then I started kissing him from the neck up to the lips... he didn't mind... then I turned my whole body toward him and lots of kissing and me touching his . After that the song ended, so he pushed me and said let me replay the song I like. I stood up and hold his hand and told him lets go to the bed room he said OK let me tuck you in, you are so drunk, but instead he jumped with me and we started kissing and **** ...>explicit sex deleted<... I was like sooo com then, but instead he pushed me, and left me on the floor, then he left the house!!

I called him but no answer, so I text him, he said am out take it easy and go to sleep. I said nooooo come back this is not how it supposed to be. We need to talk. (cause I thought it was OK with him) he text me saying see you tomorrow!! What! I said, hell no am waiting here, and after 2 hours he came back and said hi how's it going!! I was like What!! Anyway we talked and he said I have nothing to say to you but: I'M NOT GAY! If you are then I'm OK with it, and what we did is wrong, and we shouldn't talk about it.I was thinking: hmmmmmmm what does that make me feel? All the signals I picked up during the weekends, all the gayish talk jokes and touches and even all the time was kissing him touching him, and sucking it ''he didn't mind'' What the heck am I suppose to feel??

So before I left he said: our friendship is not going to be the same again, meaning no going to the gym together or text on weekends. So I said does that mean we are no longer friends? He said no, we still are but with less interactions. Oh my god, I ruined everything my friend now hates me. Was it my fault? Did I misunderstood what happened? Is he going to talk to me again? What am I supposed to feel about this?? I have all mixed up emotions that I don't get? And the most I feel is pain, pain, pain all over my heart, and I barely can get air into my chest... please help me. Any advice to get me out of this crappy feeling. Its been only a day now.

We are not teenagers, I am 24, he is 23.

You are both figuring out your gender preferences (which can vary from person to person, and over time) but it sounds like he might be more confused and uncertain than you are. Let it sort itself out, and try not to see any reason for humiliation. I'm not sure if you are feeling more humiliated or crushed at losing him. The more you can keep the appearance of the old friendship the better. Force yourself to be the same friend you were. It's possible that he can get very close to men friends and even intimate with when drunk, but really isn't gay. He said he's OK with you being gay, so keep the friendship alive and at the same time, if you are looking for a love relationship, start looking elsewhere.

Its all right man. You have you're whole life in front of you. There's tons of people out there. And who knows he may just not know what gender he prefers.

Your feelings are normal for someone who drunkenly followed your feelings of attraction, and got rejected. You would have saved a lot of hurt, and drama, and confusion by talking soberly, before the sex happened instead of allowing this person to fool you.

However this experiment was not a failure, you learned some important things about your friend, his issues, and what he is capable of. Of course he didn't mind letting you service him, who would, but you allowed yourself to be plied with drink, and follow his lead, without explanation, or objection, a very good lesson to remember about your own judgments when drinking, and drunken assumptions.

To move forward, keep a distance until YOU GET YOURSELF UNDER CONTROL!! Watch the drinking because as you see you need your sober wits about you.

You may have sobered up in a day, but it takes a lot longer to overcome a good drunk. Do nothing until then.

I did the same thing with a guy named Nick. It was over a year ago and Nick and I haven't said a word to each other since. That wasn't my choice. In your story I am you and Nick is your friend. But since Nick chose to not speak to me again, I chose to not care about him again.

It is not possible for you to control how anyone feels about you. Since that is true you should never allow someone's actions or words to control how you feel about yourself. That is the hardest thing to come to terms with but once you do life is so much brighter. Once you do every day is a good day.

Nick and I have mutual friends who know something has happened between us but we haven't told anyone. A few of my very close friends know. Nick and I played poker with them every Thursday night. I refused to go if they invited him so they never invited him. I am to the point where I don't care if he is there or not. So I can tolerate being in the same room once again.

Long story short - it is okay to have feelings for him but you and only you should choose what kind of a day you are going to have. And I always say choose to have a good day.