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View Full Version : My husband is expecting a baby and it's not from me!!


Ely5303
Mar 30, 2012, 05:21 PM
I decided to leave my husband because I was bored of the same thing over and over. What encouraged me was another man I met. After three months I realized I was wrong and I missed my husband. I looked for him and were dating again but I didn't know he was also seeing someone else. When I thought we were getting serious I found out that the other woman was expecting a baby from him. We left each other again and now we're back together but I know for a fact he talks to her. I know they should talk because of the baby but the text message I see are always saying I miss you and I love you. What! At this point I have no idea what to do. I want to leave him but I don't want to leave the door open to this other woman. When I ask him if he talks to her he denies it all the time. I'm just soooo lost. Please give me some advice. I can't blame him 100% for this because I'm the one who decided to leave him. But now I want to gain his love and trust but I can't trust him. Should I contact the other woman and tell her to leave him alone?

joypulv
Mar 30, 2012, 05:48 PM
'I want to leave him but I don't want to leave the door open to this other women'
'But now I want to gain his love and trust but I can't trust him'

Some serious confusion.
You need to take responsibility for the fact that you left him and it wasn't even for any reason other than you wanted something more exciting.
You need to stop thinking of possessing him from afar, which is exactly what you are saying by wanting to leave him but not allowing any other women in his life.
You don't deserve his trust, not yet. You have to earn it.
If you want the marriage, get counseling alone.
If he continues to see the other woman, you have to make a decision about leaving or staying. He knows you came back to him, and he's evening the score so to speak. He's telling you that you can't waltz out when you want and back when you want without repercussions.

Alty
Mar 30, 2012, 06:06 PM
No matter what he will always have contact with this woman. They will soon have a child together. He will be responsible for this child, he will have to see not only the child, but the mother of the child.

Personally I don't see this as a real marriage. When times get tough, or someone else catches your eye, you both leave to pursue what you want, without thinking about the vows you took.

This marriage will end sooner or later, because neither one of you are committed to it. It seems to be too late to commit now.

Jake2008
Mar 31, 2012, 06:37 AM
Do you and your husband have other children together?

I can't help but wonder, if during the time boredom was enough of a reason to leave your husband and pursue another man, had you worked on your marriage, none of the other consequences may have even happened. But, that is a moot point now, and one that you've probably thought about yourself.

That being said, whatever the reasons are for leaving your marriage in the first place were, I see nothing in your post about having addressed that. Simply returning to the marriage, doesn't fix anything. You are back where you were, only now there is a baby, and the baby's mother added to your life, that will be a tie that will last for the next couple of decades.

For the sake of all concerned, I urge you and your husband to get into therapy, and work through all the confusion and anger. That you are thinking he should have nothing to do with the mother of his child tells me that you aren't yet in a place where you can accept any of it. Your life will change dramatically, and I do not see where you are ready to accept these changes.

Things will never be the way they were. You may always have regrets over your decisions that set this whole thing in motion, but you can learn how to live with the changes you are now forced to accept.

Babies are needy, demanding, and expensive. I hope that you and your husband can work through this together, and all the adults involved, will put the needs of this child, first.

You have your work cut out for you.

JudyKayTee
Mar 31, 2012, 08:02 AM
The other woman is in your life forever. If you can't accept that, get out of the marriage.

You walked away once because of another man. This time walk away because you can't handle the situation.

You were with someone else but didn't get pregnant. He was with someone else but did get pregnant. I see this as a twist of fate you have to live with.

talaniman
Mar 31, 2012, 12:12 PM
Leave her alone to have a healthy child without drama, and work on your issues that lead you to be influenced by another man to cheat on and leave your marriage and husband.

Fix yourself, or you will never fix your situation. That's what caused the situation, you didn't fix what was wrong with you in the first place, BOREDOM. Your action lead you to the wrong solution, so don't add to your problems with DRAMA, and CONFLICTS.

Boredom was no excuse for cheating, and jealousy, and a lack of trust is no excuse for drama. The solution is simple, FOCUS on your boredom, get a positive solution, work it, and don't act out of jealousy, and see if that's a better path to being happy.

It may take years to get to that good place, and a lot of work, and you may need some help and guidance along the way. Don't hesitate to get it.

Good Luck!