I'm a 27 year old male who is slowly losing all motive to have sex. I've been with my girlfriend for almost 3 years now and I feel bad because she wants sex way more than I do. I barely even masturbate anymore, and even that is typically only when I try to remember how long it's been and rub one out quickly for a sense of "might as well".

I'm 100% certain I'm not gay so that's not even an option. If I had to guess it might be due to my low self esteem. I've always grown up thinking girls and women hated sex and that they only did it as a favor to their significant other. I didn't actually start talking to girls until 18 and didn't lose my virginity until 20. Even now it's a major turn off when my girlfriend tries to initiate sex. I don't even think I can put words as to exactly why. I just know it's not erotic anymore when she grabs my junk without warning. It's more "oh crap, what now" if I had to give the first thought to my head.

I grew up thinking that most women would be happy in a sexless relationship. I've got the career and stable finances, but sex just feels like another obligation I have to deal with. And like I said, I would rather watch a movie, play some video games, or just go to sleep rather than spend the energy masturbating, much less sex.

I don't know what to do. I know my girlfriend is getting frustrated and she's even hinting at a threeway with one of her friends. But all I can think about it "Aw damn......now I'd have to take care of two women in bed" it's just so much stress to make sure that when we do have sex that she's reached her goal and orgasmed that generally I'd rather just stop and cuddle than keep going and finish myself. Of course this leads to her being hurt because I didn't *** and trying to be sexy in the future and telling me to *** while we're doing it. Which is a huge turn off and just feels like even more of an obligation on my shoulders.

For what it's worth, I'm not a fan of blowjobs at all and generally feel very uncomfortable getting them. Of course this only leads to her trying even harder to give them. I'm pretty sure this is because of my own insecurities of not being in control as well as the fact that I'm constantly worried about the size my penis and having it be focused on so much is just unsettling.

Libido is a spectrum. It goes from Nympho to also asexual. You've got mismatched libidos and, while it is usually the other way around, it can cause a lot of strife in the relationship. It could be a deal breaker. Something to work through but...

I want to know what the hell you grew up learn and accepting this stuff. That is just plain weird. Moving along...

I would talk to a doctor about this. There could be a physiological reason for this lack of libido.

Last point. The size of your , unless you got a micro-penis, doesn't matter at all. The first two inches are the most important, where most the woman's nerve endings are. If she is pleased with the size of your penis then don't worry about it. Don't get that thought real estate in your mind.

I don't think I could really pinpoint anything specific growing up. I pretty much kept to myself my whole life, doing the stereotypical nerd/geek thing of reading/gaming/computers/staying at home. My parents never really talked to me about relationships or sex except "don't screw up and get a girl pregnant" after my sister got pregnant at an early age.

I've just always seen the stereotype of "no sex after the wedding ring goes on" from TV shows/stand up comics/books. While I know those are just fantasy it just always stuck with me for some reason. And for the longest time I really had no reason to believe differently since I was either completely ignored by girls or only talked to "as a joke" so they could go back to their clique and laugh about how I actually thought one of them would talk to me.

I'd never even thought about going to a doctor. I typically avoid doctor's and hospitals as nothing has ever seriously been wrong with me. One of the advantages to a geeky lifestyle I guess, not many chances for broken bones/accidents.

I've been trying to dwell on the size issue less and less as time goes on, and I've gotten infinitely better from when I first found out who one of her ex's was ( a guy well known for his double digit gear). Still, it's always hard wondering how the hell you can ever compete when you only measure up halfway.

With respect to size it is a losing proposition. It is honestly the motion of the ocean and not the size of the ship. It is what you do with it. The well endowed men tend to use that as a crutch. I got a big and don't really need to do anything else.

As I said, anything beyond 2 inches is fine. Nothing to be worried about and nothing to be ashamed of. She is with you now.

What I am thinking is that it could be a hormonal problem. Maybe psychological.

You've never, in your geekery, found and exploited the vast wealth of internet pornography to rub one off?

Xgreen, I fully agree with everything Craven has said. I will second that a trip to the doctor might help pinpoint if you have an issue and how to go about fixing it if you do.

I will add that I think you may have trained yourself at a younger age to not be sexual. Like some priests (some do keep their vows) train themselves to not think about or respond to thoughts of sexual activity.

Have you talked to your girlfriend about your issues? If not, you need to be honest with her. She needs to know that the harder she tries the more you are backing off and shutting down. It doesn't mean she is doing anything wrong. You just need a different approach to sexual contact.

Have you ever explored thoughts of what turns you on? Are there situations, locations, characters, etc. in books or movies that piqué your interest? Do you respond better when you are 'in charge' and guide the contact?

As a female, size doesn't matter. Most of us care more about the emotional connection.