Ok I am back again, before I had asked about a relationship I had with a Swiss guy. I am Mexican doing my university in this country now for 2 years and half. This guys has been always around me all the time but if you read my other 2 questions below you will understand better the whole story.

So now we are officially together, and we even moved in together. The relationship went to another level. I was so happy, because when I went back to Mexico for Christmas it seem like we both were sure that we wanted to be together, and after a month I came back to Switzerland we decided to move in together. It was a big step since he and I never done it before. At the beginning it was great, I move in January 2012.

But then the problems stared again. Small arguments, about the house chores, and so on, no big deal. When I was back in my country we Skype a lot, and I ask him about what were the options for us and he seemed so sure that he wanted me to be with him, he said we can work things out, and I can start applying for a job, because of students visa will be over in September this year, but I have been searching for a job but it is not easy. I only have one class in the university now and I am dealing with my thesis, so I have not much activities, but still I try to keep myself motivated to find something else, but still keeping in mind to have a back up plan, about what would happened if I don't get to stay here. He is 30 and I will be 30 in May. So he is still dealing with his depression, but now he is more engage with me but, still I don't feel his support on what would happened if I don't get the job, I ask him to go with me for the summer to my country and to meet my family but he told me he is too afraid of flying, he is terrified and it is far away, so he told me for now this year I'm am not planing out go there.

So still I feel like he is keeping distance from me but now he tells me he loves me, he feels that I'm the only good thing in his life. But at the same time, our sex life since I move out went really bad, I mean it doesn't exist, he said that for him sex and love are two different things, and he doesn't know why. Then he ask me if I could start working out which I did, for me to feel good as well, but still nothing has changed. And the topic about future is not something we talk about it. But the thing is that I'm also sad most of the time because of the job, because I miss my family and because I would like to see more clear if all the effort I'm doing for the relationship will be worth it.

So we had the conversation about breaking up more that 10 times this past couple of months and it always ends the same way, he telling me that he doesn't see future with me, but he also don't want to loose me that he is scared about being without me that he loves me, but maybe a lot him more, and he is also telling me that he know what I want but he can not give that, and that is maybe some more commitment, on is side, I really don't now what to do if I'm doing things wrong or not. I try every time to please him by doing different things, taking care of the cleaning, washing, cooking, looking nice for him, and support him on his work issues, or school, because he is also doing a course.

SO I really don't know he told me we haven't broken up but we need to be thinking what would be next. I try no to make stress all the time, but yesterday I had to talk about a thing I am worried about, and we talked for like 4 hours, but still no solution. He thinks he doesn't find any other solution but to stay with me until I go home. And he has been telling me this since I got back, form Mexico. I am so tired I really want this to work out,I don't want to make anymore stress, and he told me he is not sure if he is willing to do more than what he is doing. I really need an advise. Thank you so much.

Hellovane,

Hello and I welcome you to this beautiful site!

Just ask him, what does he want? Does he want to live with you, wants to love you, anymore, wants to marry you and what? Communication will solve much of your problem.

Hello Kahania,

Yes I have asked him what he wants and his answer is always the same, I don't know what I want, I want you in my life but I don't know. He said he loves me and he cares about me so much but he doesn't see me in his future. So I told him tha tfor me that is so confusing, and he said yes I know but I really don't know hwat I want.

TO MUCH, TO FAST, CRASH AND BURN!


Stop pushing as its only been a few months of living together, and while the physical thrill is waning, there is much to still learn about each other. There are other parts of this relationship to work on, define, develop, and your need for a long term commitment, and security, conflict with his slow wait and see attitude.

You want him to take BIG steps, and make BIG commitments, he wants small steps, and make small commitments. Too soon for that I think, as he is waiting to see how it goes.

Have a plan B for yourself, and be ready to use it if this experiment doesn't work. For now, don't count on him to rescue you from any major glitches in the plan. He won't. That's why you really need to slowdown yourself, so you can protect yourself.

That's what relationships are about, communicating and making adjustments based on facts, and not just feelings. YOURS, or HIS!!

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/dont-know-what-do-if-forget-him-still-try-change-his-mind-550025.html

Re read the advice you were given here, and see that its you who have made this situation, but him that benefits. He has a female room mate for however long, while you have uncertainty of the future. Your decisions so far have been based on your feelings, and NOT the facts.