Log in

View Full Version : Husband or Family


Sar1230
Mar 15, 2012, 06:38 AM
I've been married for about 3 mnths I have to admit I didn't know him for very long before we got married only about 7 mnths and I recently had money issues with my family make a long story short the house my fan lives in is under my name they don't make payments on time my dad is older won't b wrking for long and I brought up the possibility of taking over the house we would give them money since they put the down payment but through the days they wanted more money I put my foot down and said no got in a huge fight nobody other than my younger sister talked to me for weeks until this week my dad and older sister called me appologized my mom had an accident at wrk yesterday and went to ER we went over to c her last night and she cried and said she loved me said she didn't want to fight that she wanted me never to b away but my older sister wouldn't even say hi to my husband or bye and he got pretty upset and said she wasn't allowed in his house and he never wanted to go over. I don't feel good about this at all on one hand he is my husband but on the other this is my family I don't c why this has to b taken so far. This morning he said if I take their side won't b long until we don't work out either. I don't want to regret anything but I can't let this happen either he's not an abusive husband or anything but I'm not feeling good about it

Fr_Chuck
Mar 15, 2012, 07:00 AM
Two separate issues really, Your family has to pay for the home, or you will need to evict them. Unless you are rich and can afford to pay for their home. If the house is in your name, then it is your home, and they just rent or rent to own. If you don't have a written contract with them, get one and make penalty for non payment.

They are using all the pity and love to try to cheat you and get away with not paying in my opinion.

So your husband does not like them, he does not have to, he does not have to visit them or speak to them, and you need to understand he hates the way they have treated you.

Imissmygirl
Mar 15, 2012, 07:24 AM
I would say family cause your family has been there your hole life you barely no this guy from what it sounds... just listen to your heart it always helps

smoothy
Mar 15, 2012, 07:31 AM
You are not a child any longer... You are married and as such your husband is first and foremost... your family comes after that. You do remember your wedding vows don't you? And your husband is not under any legal or moral obligation to support your family. He has to support YOU, not them. And being married... your money is his as well, and yes what's his is yours , it works BOTH ways... so he does legitimately have a say in this.

Think you have problems now... wait until this escalates to a divorce, and it will. If my wife's family tried that it certainly would.

Helping a family member from time to time is one thing... but this seems to have become a regular monthly thing. One that no husband or wife should have to support.

Why isn't your older sister suporting them since she seems to be getting so snooty and high and mighty about it.

Cat1864
Mar 15, 2012, 06:42 PM
Sar, give him time to calm down. I don't think you need to choose between him and family, yet, if your mother, father and other sister are not causing issues. I can hope they are beginning to understand your need to have your own family.

In a couple of days, sit down with him and talk about the issues. Try not to get defensive about your family. He married you knowing that you were helping your parents. So he obviously does have some understanding of the 'duty' and pressure you feel. Now that you are married, you need to work together to plan for the future. Be realistic about what you can afford to do for them. Don't be afraid to look at ways to get your sisters involved in helping your parents. With at least three of you, it should be a group effort. You should not be the only one (even with your husband's support.)

You and your husband need to plan for your lives together. Do you want children? Can you support your parents without help and a child?

It seems your sister is trying to manipulate your relationship for her reasons. Has she ever been 'friendly' toward him or does she see him as a threat to her and her plans? Is she in a good relationship or is she jealous?

I hope your mother recovers from her accident as quickly as possible and has no lasting affects from it.

Live your life, not your family's.