Hi,

Here it goes.. I have been in a NC for 2 weeks already. I haven't heard from her since.

We have been dating for 4 months, everything was great, the spark was there. I remembered her telling me "I want you to be my man", you have all the quality that I am looking in a man. She told me that she has never had as much fun with anybody else as she has with me. In many occasions she mentioned that when she is with me she feels so comfortable that she doesn't have to pretend to be anybody else, that she feels that she can be herself. Sex was completely out of this world, we both had this chemistry. WE made love for hours 4-5times per week. We simply couldn't take our hand from each other. She will tell me that I make her feel in bed like nobody else, that she loves how I touch her, make her feel, etc.

She was sent from work out of the country for a couple of months. We talk everyday, communication was going great. She wanted to see me so we arranged to me somewhere in between for a weekend. That weekend was amazing! Once again we fell into each other arms, we made love 3 times every day for the whole weekend. It was great, until in that weekend she told me that her ex contacted her (sent text saying hi, nothing sexual or that he misses her... NOTHING like that! ). They dated for 2yrs, almost 4 yrs ago!! She was crying telling me that she has been trying to get over him for 4 yrs (FYI he dumped her 4yrs ago). She told me that she never felt and had such a great time as we both have. And that she doesn't know how to over come him. She told me that she doesn't want to hurt me, because she likes me a lot, that I so hot, hot body, amazing person, have a huge heart etc. She told me that she is so upset because of this, and that this have been the only reason why she hasn't been giving herself to me 100%. Long story short, for the remainder of the weekend we had a blast.

We both left to our respective countries. We were still talking, until 3 weeks ago, she started to cried on telling me that she cannot get over him, and that she is trying, and that she likes me a lot (she has love for me, etc). So we broke up, she told me that she needed space to figure out how deep are her feeling for me. FYI, her family likes me a lot! We spoke 3 weeks ago and she told me that I am amazing, that her family told her that. She even told me that she misses me, but that she needs to figure out what she wants, etc. I asked her "are you going back with your ex?" she responded that she doesn't know. That she needs this time to think and figure things out. I told her that I liked her so much and that we were meant to be, that the chemistry was undeniable, the way we met, everything!! She told me that she can't be in a relationship right now, and that she doesn't know until when. That she needs to figure things out. She told me to go and meet another girl, I got so upset and asked her, is that what you want? She said NO, but that she is no one to stop me from that. I asked her if she would get hurt if I have sex with another woman, she responded that it will hurt her so much, but that she cannot stop me from doing that because she doesn't know when will she be ready to make her decision. I am very hurt, this all came as a surprise to me!! I don't know what to think and do. What should I do? Should I continue the NC?

She will be coming back on the middle of this month (March). I remembered that she told me that she will try and contact me when she is back... She also mentioned that she will have to meet with her ex to look for some closure and talk things.. I feel betrayed.. She also told me that she will tried and not contact me until she gets back. I asked her if she has been in touch with her ex, she replied NO that she has received texts from him but that she ignore them. That she is going to use this time for herself and figure things out.. I believed that what we had was amazing, we both agreed on that!. I need help to figure out if I should walk away, break the NC, ADVICE, etc... I am dying to hear from her, I want to know if she is thinking about me the same way I am thinking about her. I really liked this woman.

Any feed back? I am desperate... :( Is it OVER for good? Would I hear from her soon?

NOTES:

1. The reality is that she was the one that was pushing for a relationship in the first place. And now that I was giving her one she is doing this. I felt betrayed.

2. I sent her flower on Valentines day, she loved them, she told me that she doesn't remember when was the last time she got flower and specially in Valentines Day, she also told me that she doesn't deserve them since she has hurt me a lot lately. At that time we were already apart.

What should I do if she contacts me, how should I act? Since she is out town she normally BBM's me.

This is messed up and I don't really know what to tell you as far as advice goes. Maybe someone will come along that can guide you.

I will say though, that usually when they need time and space to figure things out... it usually indicates that they are doing something with someone else and want to keep you hanging on. In my opinion, she is seeing or talking to her ex and she is taking this time to find out if it will work out with him. She wants you to hang on in case it doesn't work... or she simply doesn't have the guts to tell you it's over and is waiting for you to end it, in which case she can relieve herself of the guilt.

I could be wrong but it does, and has happened and if it's happening to you, you're not the first to go through it.

Good luck.

No Contact means STOP all contact, and you haven't done that. Its also for healing and getting your head together, and you aren't doing that either.

What you are doing is waiting for someone to come back and give you some hot attention and feed your ego. She is making the rules, and controlling everything and to be honest, you are sprung so bad she could tell you anything.

I suspect she has been doing her thing and used you to see if she still wanted the other guy back, OR has a bunch of guys on a string. Hard to say, and I would certainly look in the mirror and decide what the right thing to do for yourself is. So far all I see is utter delusion, and excuses to say you have been waiting for her to be yours, and forgetting she sprung you trying to get someone else out of her mind. So she says.

I wouldn't be trusting her just because she screws your brains out, and feeds your ego. That's what a user does, and no doubt she IS a user.

My best advice is do NO CONTACT the right way, or think with the big head, not the little one.

Come on guy, the way to get over someone is not to jump on some one else. That didn't work because she is still trying to figure it out. Of course though you can't see that, or that you, are probably just another substitute for what ever she is confused about.

Thank you so much Odinn7 and Talaniman. There is more to it that what I wrote. Yes I feel betrayed and used. But I don't understand why would she be introducing me to her family if she is only using me?. She said that she has not introduced any guy to her family (since her ex)!. Her family was great and for what I saw and heard they liked me a lot... So I don't understand... Or maybe I can't see things clearly due to the state I am at..

**Talaniman:

What do you mean when you say

"My best advice is do NO CONTACT the right way, or think with the big head, not the little one."

I have not contacted her for the past 2 weeks, I have been working on myself, (ie. Dating, gym, work, etc). What would be the right way to do NC?

She also mentioned, that I have been the only true relationship (formal) since her ex. She met a guy but for a month or so more than a Year ago. She is to focus on her career.

I definitely need some guidance and advice. She wanted a relationship with me so bad, that is what is getting so confused. So are you saying that everything was a scam?

No, it wasn't a scam... she probably meant everything she said to you at the start but then along comes the ex who she never really got over. So now he's back in the picture, she is confused, and now you're paying for it.

Just give it time, you'll be OK.

Talaniman Rule - Never give your heart to a stranger, until they have proved they deserve it and know what to do with it.

4 months is a stranger. One who is dealing with the past and is out of touch for a few weeks. Stay alert, and protect your heart.

Talaniman Rule - Never assume that someone has the same feelings as you do!

Words are easy, and deceptive, actions speak louder than words. I LOVE YOU, is great when actions go with it.

Just saying.

I have always believed that actions speak louder than words. So she whispered a couple seducing things into your ears, tells you that you are the best thing in the world, and like sex. But what does she DO? At one text saying "hi" from someone else she left you behind. Is that really what you want? Someone who at the first sign of confusion is going to leave you like that, especially for another man who she hasn't had any contact with in some years?

Have some self-respect and open your eyes. Let her go, she doesn't deserve you. She is worth the same amount as to the value she had for you and your relationship, nothing.

Good sex is everywhere, it will come again, by the way you wrote your story, that is what you are missing the most.

Important Question:

My Ex is down in Alabama where a Tornado hit yesterday, I am in a NO CONTACT with her. Should I send her a bbm asking her if she is OK? Should I break the NO CONTACT? If so, what should say to her?

Please help!!

Can you not wait and check on it through someone else?

You are not in NC, and saying its so doesn't make it so! SHE has said she will not be contacting you because she is busy with other things, namely some other dude who is the ex she still have feelings for.

While I recognize your concern for her, I still see you waiting for her decision to choose him, or you. But what if you send such a message and get NO RESPONSE? Will it hurt? What if she responds with She is okay, and nothing else? Will it hurt?

You are not in NC, as NC is for healing, not a strategy to get her back, which is what you may think its for. So my question is are you moving on through healing, or waiting for her to choose you over the ex?

Your actions have consequences so think, and act accordingly, as no way will I make this decision for you! But then again I wouldn't be in such a competition in the first place with an EX! Nor would I allow her the luxury of choice.

I think I would be more like Fr. Chuck, and NOT rush into anything with my heart on my sleeve. But its your decision.

Make it, and own it!

Nice. You just can't beat advice like Talaniman just gave out.