Ok, so I have a dilemma that I need help with in the way of advice. It's a complicated story, so please bear with me.

In 2006, after just coming back from a tour of duty overseas I began to date a girl (who was an old family acquintance.. and 11yrs younger than me)long distance. We had both been interested in each other for awhile but never thought we'd get together... surprise! Anyway, we did long distance for about 8 months and things were pretty good, we got along like 2 peas in a pod, we were very attracted to each other, bla bla bla, all the good stuff that people talk about.

We moved in together and because we are both very head strong people, we started to have issues. My PTSD coupled with her baggage made for some very difficult times, but we tried for another 9 months or so together. During that time just prior to us moving in together, she went to Cuba for a vacation with family. After a few days I felt something was wrong. Anyway, she came back we moved in together and things went a little south cause of above personal issues for both of us. A few months later, I found out she had been "seeing" another dude on that Cuba trip. I also had my suspicions about other events, but never could nail it down. She denied everything even after proof written by her to him was found by me... sad day. I broke it off with her after just over 1.6 years or so mainly because I totally felt betrayed, lied to and cheated on.

Oddly enough though, I have always felt this girl and I had something that was magical. We were a perfect fit for each other and really, other than mental health stuff on my part and baggage issues on hers, we were like best of friends. I believe we were completely in love with each other. And we both thought that no matter what, we would eventually be together... just needed some healing and growing time for each of us.

Now, that was 5 yrs ago and we've talked ever since, had other relationships, bla bla bla, but still always desire to be with each other. She admitted (finally) that the Cuba thing was a mistake and that it would never happen again, that she was young and stupid. We both really want to be together and have that white picket fence thing. We are still madly in love with each other and both still can't imagine growing old with anyone else. She says that she only wants me, etc...

Now she lives across the country again, and will be there for a minimum of 1.3 yrs until she is able to move. I am posted and can't move right now. She is also in Mexico for vacation with family for this week... oddly enough, going to Italy with her ex (whose also military) cause of the free trip and she agreed to it prior to us talking about this whole thing, and then she's off to China to teach for 4 months and touring Australia for a month after that with a some dude friends.

Here's the meat of it. Although I'm not a jealous person, from what happened in Cuba all those years, and my suspicions about events after that, I have a huge trust issue with her. And everything trip wise coming up, is totally avenues for the same to happen. She says it won't and all that, but really, how can I trust what she says when she lied about the Cuba thing for over 5 yrs.

Now we both really want each other in every way possible, but this trust issue is hurdle that is monumental for me as I've been holding on to it in relation to her for all this time. I don't know if I can let it go, nor do I know if I can live with it in a relationship. I know I would need her to earn my trust again, but how? Is it really worth it, cause the next year and a bit with the trips is going to be brutal emotionally for me.

Sadly, she's everything I've ever wanted in a partner, except the trust thing... and I don't know if I can handle that. I need a bit of advice on this anyone. How do it move past it? Can I actually ever trust her? Can I have a healthy relationship with her with that stuff in the back of my head?

Any unbiased help would be greatly appreciated please.

You worrying about it isn't going to change whether she does or does not cheat. You begging her not to cheat with her ex or anyone else isn't going to work either. The first step is to clear your head and think about things logically.

If I did the math right, you have 1.8 years of not seeing her. I don't know many relationships that can last that long apart. Regardless of whether she cheats or not, are you going to be able to spend 1.8 years wondering and doubting yourself? If you guys ever got married, would you be able to live it down? Can you spend the rest of your life with someone you don't trust?

That being said, it has been 5 good years, has she done anything to damage your trust that whole time? You can look at your time together 1 of 2 ways: 1 - You guys have come a long way and she has merited your trust by being good for 5 years; 2 - You guys have come a long way and she's getting bored because of how long you've been together.

I wish I could give you a straight answer so here it is: if you can find yourself trusting her to be alone without you for 1.8 years because of a good 5 years, then keep her around. If you are still torn over the trust issues, best to end it now than have another 1.8 years go down the tube spent in constant paranoia.

Hey Reckless, thank you for the advice. The past 5 yrs, we haven't been together... it's been us talking every now and then. We've both been in other long term relationships since we initially split. So really, the more than a year and a half long distance thing with trips in between for her is all at the beginning.

We both know we have a lot of work to do if we want to make this work... but this trust thing is killing me lol.

I realize there are no straight answers reckless, but thank you very much for posting the thoughtful advice.

Lousy timing but I would NOT get back into any relationship with her until all the travelig and stuff was over for good. My friend you need a life with more options and opportunities to be happy while you deal with your own issues. Adding more fuel to the fire is NOT the answer, nor is staying so in touch helping you let go and get over the past.

Keeping old feelings alive for 5 years isn't healthy, since you have also kept alive the fears, insecurities, and hurts also, instead of healing from them. I think you end this so you both can heal, and get healthy, and stop this unfair torturing each other.

Healing is not an easy path for you, nor a short one. But the more you prolong the inevitable, the longer you suffer for it.