I am a 42 year old single mom. I've dated and lived with a man on and off for 6 years. My divorce was heart wrenching and devastating. I've never wanted to remarry and thought I had made that clear to the man I have now been with these many years. However, on Valentine's day, he moved out (again). I am successful, attractive, and can manage financially and emotionally on my own, but in spite of those attributes, I do love and want honor this man. We do have amazing chemistry!

I love laying my head on his chest and feeling his strong arms and hands around me. There are other issues involved, as I still have many dreams and aspirations of becoming a principal. I've taken classes toward an Ed.S, which he totally does not support. He actually discourages furthering my education, as well as working certain hours past a regular school day, which any teacher could tell you does not actually exist. He has now given me an ultimatum to either marry him or lose him. As I said before, I thought I had made it clear that I do not want to remarry... to me it is just a piece of paper that binds you together financially, because it sure doesn't stop someone from leaving.

I'm willing in other ways to build a life with him, such as putting our finances together, or perhaps even buying a home together. I'm just surprised at the ultimatum and saddened by the lack of support for me to further my career... which I'm going to do with or without his support, it would just be easier with it. He doesn't really have a relationship with my kids, but I'm a great mom and they have an OK dad that sees them every other weekend. I do all the driving to and from practice and sports and music lessons, and I pay solely for all the household bills. I work 2 jobs, as we have a small farm, and he gives me a little grocery money.

He has his own home, but stays with me 99% of the time. He does help me with many things I can't do, like tractor repairs, and keeps my mower going, and general maintenance on my AC... which he throws back in my face whenever he can. He drinks a lot, and takes pain pills for a back injury he acquired in the military. He has an awful temper! Again, I don't want to get married , but I do love this guy. We plant flowers together, and fish, and snuggle and when he isn't angry we talk and laugh. I feel that if I marry him because he demands it, then I will resent him... especially during his awful rants, and I do not want another divorce. But, I really do not want to date anyone else either. I could use a little advise.

Hi happyeyes,

I can attest to the lack of regular hours in a teacher's day... :)

From an outside perspective it appears as though you have a good friend, roommate, and handyman in him but not a life long supportive partner. You are wanting to go in different directions now. It may have started that you were on the same path, but his desires regarding marriage have changed. It happens, and marriage is one of those issues that is pretty hard to compromise on.

As you stated, if you married him because he demanded it, you would resent him. You would resent his lack of involvement with your children, his lack of support in your dreams, and that you allowed yourself to succumb to an ultimatum. In that regard, along with his awful rants, and throwing back that he helps with some maintenance, he makes himself to be a bully.

Very simply, if you don't want to marry him, don't do it. If he chooses to walk, that is his choice.

You don't have to date anyone else. You could just spend time with your friends, kids, and family and do things you enjoy for awhile. Plan the next phase of your career path and hire a handyman to help with fixing things around the place.

I can understand your fear of marriage, considering the hurt, and pain you went through, but it clearly has made a conflict in your relationship with your current partner, and any future relationship with anyone.

I think you work on your own fears, in light that his feelings and wants have changed, and to be fair your attachments to him should be looked at again to see where it can grow with, or should it be ended. Even without the official titles there is still marriage, and the risks of divorce, as with all relationships, you get together and risk breaking up.

I guess he is upset that he has gone along with your wishes, and maybe you don't love him enough to go along with his. I get his point, but for now do nothing drastic. He has done this before, and likely if he comes back, he will again. Wait and see what happens, then make a decision about what you do about it.

Just realize that relationships of convenience gets old sometimes. But you enjoy things when they are happening, and miss them when they are not, until a more permanent, long lasting solution comes along that attracts your fancy. He wants permanent and long lasting, but you are afraid of the worst happening, but whats telling most, that after 6 years, he hasn't changed your mind, so stick to your guns.

Obviously 6 years has not been enough time for you to overcome that fear, nor take a risk with your heart. To bad you don't want to date others either though, and explore other options and opportunities to find someone better, with less flaws you don't like. Maybe just being single, free, and independent of guys for a while is what it comes down to because clearly you have a comfort zone with this fellow that doesn't work, as much as it does work.

You poor thing! I feel so bad for you! If you love him go for it but if he ever threatens you or hits you or anything you never ever marry him! He can't be aloud to hit you and if he ever hits you call for help hope this helps<3