This is my second question here, I guess it's a "Part 2". It's REALLY, REALLY long and in good detail!

My ex initiated a break towards the end of November 2011, but we still stayed together and did things that we normally did from December to mid January minus sex. I kept asking her what was going on with us in December, but all she constantly told me was that she just didn't know, all she knew was that she didn't want to be sexually active anymore, sex disgusted her and that she didn't want to be touched, hugged, any of that. BUT just a few weeks later during Christmas break she came back to pick up her Xmas gifts from me (she was away for 2 weeks with her family during the break). She came back and pranced around me in her panties (like I mentioned in my last question) all seductive and wanted to hug all on me and touch me. I just looked at her like and kind of shrugged it off. I asked her what she was doing because I thought the entire purpose of the break was because she didn't want to be physical interactive with me for a while.

January hits and now her reasoning goes from "idk" to "I'm not in love with you as much". About 3 and a half weeks ago the s*** hits the fans. I had been seeing some really shady activity from her. She ALWAYS had her phone on her, even when she went to the bathroom, she went back home EVERY weekend and when I called and texted her she would barely respond or not at all. Her excuse for not answering or returning my texts was that she's "too busy" when she goes back home :/ it only takes a few seconds to return a "hey" text. Also, she was texting some guy at 2-3 in the morning while she's laying right next to me in bed for a few weeks, but she has to be up at work at 6 in the morning :/ BUT you're too busy to return my calls and texts over the weekends when you don't have work the next day? About the whole guy texting thing, I always told her that I don't mind her texting and talking to her guy friends because she's an adult and I can't tell a grown person who they can and can't talk to because I have female friends as well and also because a person is going to to what the want at the end of the day. I told her that she just needs to use common sense and be respectful of our relationship.

So a few Saturdays ago I kind of catch her family in a lie about my ex's where abouts(long story). She calls me all mad at me about asking her family about where she's at, she tells me that we're not together, so why am I concerned about where she goes? Her reasoning/excuse every time I confront her are always kind of believable... kind of, so after she "explains" herself it makes me step back and go "well maybe I am exaggerating". During the talk to her family I was talking to her sister and I just kept asking her sister if my girlfriend had another guy and if that was the reason why she had the urge to go home EVERY weekend for the past 2-3 months, and of course her sis denies this.

The following Monday I manage to look through her phone while she was asleep (she keeps her phone attached to her hip 24-7, another reason why I didn't understand why she just couldn't return my texts and calls). I look through her phone, entered her 4 digit password (I figured it out) and I'm completely startled at what I see, there were TONS of texts to this one guy. I scroll up to a random point and just start reading and the first text is see from her phone to this guy is "I love you", the second text that I see is from this guy saying something like "I might bite you" and her response was "I might like it". My stomach dropped to my toes. I barge into the room and wake her up yelling for her to be honest with me and why the f*** is she playing with me. She chases me around our apt screaming that "It's not like that, I would never do you like that!" After we calm down she has the audacity to try and flip it on me saying that I violated her personal space and that she was upset with me!! She has went through my phone before a few times as well even when I didn't have a thing to hide. She told me that her cousin uses her phone a lot when she's back home and that there were a handful of numbers all saved under this one guy :/ She goes to call the cousin, but the cousin doesn't answer. She even goes to show me the rest of the text conversation right then and there, but I don't want to see anymore. Once again I step back and I think well MAYBE she's telling the truth because I've seen with my own eyes that when she's around her fam everyone is on her phone, cousin, sisters, everyone.

The next day, Tuesday, one of friends sends me a fb message and asks me what my problem was. I explain everything to her. I took the week off work because I was a wreck. I talk to my girlfriend and tell her that I love her and that whatever issues we have we can work on them (outside of sex, we really didn't have any issues at least not from my end). I'm crying and begging her to just talk to me and she's just casually getting dressed to go hang out with her friend girl as if I mean nothing to her and she leaves. I call her and she tells me that she's tired of being in a relationship with me and that she's not in love with me anymore. I was miserable :( Later that evening her friend girl tells me that my ex just dropped her off and she asks can I talk. The friend texts me that I'm not crazy. She later calls and tells me that my ex has been talking to a guy off and on for 2 years now. She initiated a break for about 2-3 weeks back in 2010. She told me that she didn't care for sex anymore and that I should go out and get it elsewhere at that time too. I chocked it up to the Depo Provera shot due to my research on that and was ready to call it quits. She calls me during Spring Break week and I'm ready to just leave it alone, but she tells me that we're going to work this out and that she loves me, so I was like OK why not. The friend tells me that my ex was saying things like "Oh yeah Mike (I'ma use Mike instead of his real name) gives me money and takes good care of me." "Mike plays football and he makes me feel so special." "Mike is always buying me stuffed animals and treating me good." The friend tells me of an incident a couple years back when they went to Mike's then gf's job and before they went in my ex did her hair and got all pretty to go into the store, I guess just to f*** with his girlfriend at the time. Her friend swears me to secrecy and to NEVER tell my ex that she's telling me all this. Her friend tells me that my ex has dirt on her and that if she knew that she was telling me all this then my ex would go to her husband and tell him of an incident that her friend did a couple years ago as well. So I mean her friend has no reason to lie and make all this up, she has too much to lose. She tells me that I'ma really good guy and that I don't deserve to be treated like that by my ex.

Why? Why would she do me like this? I've done everything for this girl, sacrificed a lot for her imo over the last 4 years, so why is she s****ing on me? I ask her friend does she ever mention that I'ma bad boyfriend to her or anything and her friend says no she's always talking about how good you are to her, you're nice, kind, pays for everything etc. so why the f*** is she doing this to me?

I go home once again flipping out and telling my ex/gf/whatever that I know the truth and that she needs to come clean and has she been f***ing another guy for 2 years now? She gets in my face and gets super pissed and gets this diva attitude and tells me that she doesn't owe me anything because "we're not together". I ask to see her phone just for some peace of mind and she refuses and all hell breaks loose. For the first time in 4 years we get physical. I go to reach for her hand to grab her phone and she's screaming and yelling and punching and scratching me and all I'm trying to do is get her phone and check her messages. It was bad. After the incident she calls her family and I'm trying to explain myself to her fam to no avail. She tells me that she hates me and that she doesn't love me and that it's officially over. I pack my bags and stay with a friend for a few days.

The next day I call and talk to her and I explain that I understand if there's another guy that she's interested in. It happened to me a couple of years ago as well. I had another girl in my ear for a few weeks telling me this and that and I initiated a break that didn't even last a day with my girlfriend at the time, but at least I was up front and honest! So she finally comes out and tells me what I consider 80% of the truth. She tells me that there's another guy. She's been talking to him for 2 years. She said two years, but I consider it off and on because from April 2010-September 2011 after our first break that she initiated, everything was "perfect". She called me all the time, texted me all time, stayed with me over the weekends, great sex life... GREAT sex life, so not even a glimpse of a red flag didn't even come up. But anyway she says that it's been 2 years, but she's never had sex with him (I don't believe her). She tells me that she's not in love with me anymore and that she's tired of the relationship. She tells me that she has feelings for the other guy and that she has a strong bond with him that she no longer has for me :'(

I tell her that the guy is manipulating her and that he doesn't love her like I do! I tell her that of course he's going to tell you everything that you want to hear! She tells me that he's not the one texting her first, she's usually the one initiating the text conversations... I ask her can we just take a step back and try to rebuild a friendship, try to do the things that we used to do to remind you that you use to have fun with me, but she didn't really want to.

Later that evening somehow we meet up and go rent a movie. We rented (ironically enough Friends With Benefits). During the movie we're just talking and having fun like we use to do. She tells me that she misses times like this. Times where we can just talk and have fun. She falls asleep on the movie and I go to leave (because I'm still staying at my friend's place) and she asks me to stay. I tell her no and she says that if I leave she's going to miss me. I tell her that she really needs to miss me now, but she insists that I stay because she's really going to miss me :( but I leave anyway.

The conclusion:
A couple of days later, Friday I think, I'm talking with my bro. In law and I show him my ex's bank statements. My ex told me that her checks were being garnished a few months ago before the break and I also noticed 2 transactions to hotel rooms showing a 3 day stay. My bro. In law tells me that her checks aren't being garnished because whoever she owes they're going to take that money off the top. I call my girlfriend and she tells me once again that her checks ARE being garnished. I show my girlfriend the bank transactions to the hotel room and the story that my ex sold me was that she was giving her uncle money to stay at the hotel room because he was cheating on his wife :/ really? I call my girlfriend again and she once again sticks to that story. She says that she goes, signs in, pays for it, gives her uncle the cards and leaves. She says that he's supposed to pay her back when he gets his income tax return this year. But why would you aid and fund your uncle cheating on his wife when you're really cool with his wife? All she tells me that it's none of her business what her uncle does :/ ?

Later that day my ex comes in and I ask her again if her checks are being garnished and she says yes. I ask her again about the hotel rooms and she sticks to her story, so I tell her that she has to move out. I ask her for her key. My name is the only name on the lease and I've been paying 100% of the bills and utilities for the entirety of 2011. She says OK and leaves. It hurt me, but I couldn't live any longer with a girl that's being manipulative, unfaithful and is in anther room texting her new boyfriend at all hours of the night while I'm on the couch in the living room miserable (yes I gave her the bed, but we took turns at one point).

I later did some research and do feel that she was telling the truth about the hotel rooms though. The dates that the room was being checked out, my ex had to work those days... she was coming home to me in the evening :O I know this to be true because the hotel rooms were from her home town... a 2 hour drive from our apt on weekdays. I initially thought that the hotel room was being used from Friday-Sunday, the days that my ex went back to her hometown. Her uncle's wife is away during the week for her job :/ how f***ing weird is this that she was telling the truth about that? Either way, it speaks of her character.

So here I am. Miserable. Sad. Crying. Listening to Adele's "Someone Like You" on repeat here at work. I haven't seen her in 2 weeks. It's been a roller coaster ride of emotions. She called me about a week ago and told me that she misses me and that she's still in love with me. The very next day she tells me that she likes being single and talking to other guys :/ I ask her that everything that we been through, everything that I have to offer and have offered you, all the memories that we've shared don't mean a thing to you? We've talked about marriage, kids, getting a house, all of that is just flushed down the drain? And all she tells me is that she doesn't want it anymore, she doesn't want a relationship anymore, she's not in love with me anymore.

She got agitated and annoyed at me the other day because every time we've talked over the past week I'm always harping on the relationship, so maybe I'm doing more harm than good if that's even possible. She keeps telling me to just give her space, all she needs is space and time to miss me and clear her head. And I understand this, but it's REALLY hard. I find it strange that I'm the one running and chasing her when I didn't even do anything wrong? I just want her to come to me crying and telling me that she loves me and that she knows that she was wrong for all the lies and deceit, that she's willing to let it all go and give me the best of her and I want her to do that tomorrow (ikr). I've officially initiated the NC rule Tuesday. It's really difficult, but I have absolutely no other choice but to. I'm just curious though, has there been ANY incident where a gf/bf was away on a break for a few days or a few weeks (I'm not willing to wait months), realized how good of a man/woman they had and came back? I love her so much. I'm 26, but this is the first time that I've ever felt this way about a girl. We've been together 4 years. She's the most adorable, cutest, prettiest, sexiest little woman I've ever met. Her mentality is f***ed, but we all can grow can't we? I've never had eyes for another woman since I've been with her... except for that one time, but that was out of lust. I want her to be away from me for a few weeks, realize that she does truly love me, come back and be a much, much better woman to me. But at the same time I'm absolutely terrified that she's going to be away from me for 3 weeks and come back and tell me that it's 110% over and that she's in love with this new guy :'(

Can the excitement of a new "partner" be so strong that it completely erases and overides a 4 year strong bond with a really good partner? Does a person ever really come back from a break to their ex? I think they do, but the occurrence is slim to none I'm guessing. I'm thinking that she is just ridiculously confused and that this break is absolutely necessary for the both of us. I told her that I just wished she would have just dumped me when all of this started. I do feel that she cares about me and maybe sort of loves me still because why else would she drag me along? She didn't have to move to my hometown with me 2 hours away from her family and the new guy if she didn't genuinely love me.

Sorry for posting my life, but this is some really profound s*** that I'm going through right now. I've never experienced this before.

No one here knows whether your ex will come back. She seems to have made the decision, is time to stop waiting, and to move on. Go no contact, and stop thinking about it, keep yourself busy. These types of actions will drive you insane, let the pain settle, it has been a while and it should be getting easier everyday, but only if you allow it to. Meet other people, let go of this obsession you are having. Let it go. If you can't, then find some professional help.

My friend it is better if you summer rise your story if you want to get and answer here not everybody has the time to read all that novel you wrote. Again I think some couple come back together. I am also in the same situations as you and I am still waiting to come back together with my ex. So just be patient and be yourself.

Gosh darnit. How do I delete questions?

Gosh darnit. How do I delete questions?

You don't. Once you post on here, unless a mod has a reason to remove it, it stays here.

Sorry for posting this novel. I'm bad about details. I know that I'm going to get the same ol' "move on, keep busy, live your life" responses. I just thought maybe if I included every detail in my question then maybe I would get at least one detailed answer. I'm sorry guys, nothing to see here and I can't delete my short story.

Yes, here's another question about an ex. I posted a couple of questions (novels) about my then girlfriend on here a couple of months ago, we didn't make it. So anyway my ex moved out about 6-7 weeks ago and the first 2-3 weeks were brutal. I'm in a MUCH better state now and have been talking to a new girl for a about 2 weeks now, so everything was seemingly going good with my personal life.

Over the last few weeks my ex calls and talks to me like EVERY day and this past weekend she texts me at 2 in the morning saying that she's been thinking about us. I steer the conversation elsewhere because I'm really digging this new girl and didn't want to get involved with that type of conversation with my ex.

My ex has a "new" guy friend as well that she says they've gone on dates and all that jazz. I think it's a lie (about him being new). I think it's the same guy that she's been talking to off an on for the past couple of years that helped caused our split. She calls me Monday and asks could she spend the night Monday and Tuesday due to financial issues of her traveling back and forth from work to her home town since she moved out.

Monday was perfectly fine. She joked about my new friend and I joked about hers. I offered her the bed and I slept on the couch. Last night though, old feelings started to creep up on me. She was looking absolutely adorable and I told her that and I told her that I still loved her (foolish of me I suppose). This morning before she left for work I just felt that I had to do something (because this was my second time seeing her in almost 2 months and because I may not see her again for another while). I had this crazy thought to give her a romantic, passionate, Clark Gable kiss... I went for it and got pushed away.

I guess my question is... I don't know, why are women so confusing? She calls me all the time. She texts me strictly on a friend/buddy level for the most part, but sometimes she comes at me on the whole "I miss you" thing. BUT she has a new guy that she dates and talks to. She tells me that the guy isn't her boyfriend and that she wants to be single right now even with the new guy, but I'm like 90% sure that the "new" guy isn't new. I understand that I just need to leave her alone right now and keep my distance, and I guess simply play my position as the friend, but it's hard for me to just be her friend atm. I thought I was over her, but seeing her last night stirred up a good bit of emotions.

Your threads have been merged so that the people who can help you best can get the whole story in one read.

I appreciate that, but is there anyway I can keep this new question separate J_9? I know that my last couple of questions are REALLY long and would prefer to delete them (but I can't) so I kind of just wanted my new question to stand alone.

Also because I'm kind of past my last few questions and have new questions to ask.

You are in the friend zone now fella and have the power to get out of it any time you choose to. You simply have to be less available for her friendship. Many of us make the mistake of wanting to keep an ex in our lives in case the romance can be rekindled, but that strategy based o false hope keeps us miserable because those old feelings are constantly being stirred up.

Your inability to let go, and heal, and move on, is at the heart of this false hope, and will bite you in the butt the longer you hang on and let her freak out your mind. Bad enough you both are rebounding to others, words is still going behind your rebounds back and bringing old unresolved baggage with you.

Its simple, stop letting her back in your life whenever she pleases by stopping the contact and telling her to leave you alone. I mean why are you allowing this crap from someone that you couldn't sustain a relationship with? You have a new girl, so start being busy, and unavailable, like she should be, if she didn't have an agenda of keeping you close just in case her latest experiment doesn't work. Are you forgetting she dumped you?? Act like it, not like you are okay with her running the show her way.