My girlfriend and I have been dating over 3 years. I recently graduated from college and found a new job with the impression from her that it was OK to move away so I could start a career and support her in the future. She is finishing up her last year of college and is also trying to find a job.

She is on anti depressants and anxiety medicine and is going through a ton of life changing things with school, job and recently finding and meeting her biological dad. She just told me she loves me but doesn't know if she is in love with me anymore. We do have sort of a long distance relationship but see each other all the time, 4 days a week and never more than 2 weeks in between visits. We haven't officially broken up because she is afraid she is making a mistake to do it right now, but I feel it coming on strong.

She told me I've been the best man she has ever had. Which I have been the most consistent. While I am not naïve and understand people change. Our relationship went from one week I can't wait to marry you into I'm not sure about my feelings. Any advice?

I still love this girl and want to be with her.

Thanks

Bigboy31,
I have also always made the distinct difference between being in love and loving someone. To me 'in love' is the feeling of having butterflies in the stomach. Loving someone, to me, goes much deeper. There are people who think that a relationship is only good when you constantly have those butterlies flying around. I've heard from a sociologist that the 'in love' phase takes approximately 17months, after that the chemicals we are omitting which trigger that feeling no longer work. If we haven't found a way to commit to our partner by then, it is hard to keep a relationship going.
Theory by side, I would like to congratulate you and your girlfriend to talking to each other about your feelings. She is obviously going through a lot and so are you, for that matter. I would say, don't give up, just because the boat is rocking. Maybe you need to take it one step farther and go see a couselor for a few times, if your relationship is worth working on.
Just f.y.I. I have seen many couples - old folks - who seem so happy. When I spoke to them they told me that there were some rough times, even times when they almost gave up, but they held through and figured things out.

You just keep building your own future until she gets her head together. As you say she has many BIG things to figure out, and its not at all unusual for her to be confused, and confusing to you.

Keep your cool, even if she can't keep hers, no matter what she does.

Swiss_Ms.B has the numbers right. There's a cycle to romantic relationships, and yours is right on track. And there's a big difference between loving, which is an action--an active feeling of caring and wanting the best for the other person--and being in love, which is a passive thing--a "passion"--that can run its course and be gone without a trace.

Your lady love is in a really tough place right now. If you truly love her, give her a little time to sort it out, but be aware that she may only have been "in love" with you, and the prospect of a future together might not be in her Top 10 life choices. Sometimes it takes distance and trauma to bring to light the realities of the relationship. Sometimes that means that both parties recognize how great it really is. Sometimes not. And sometimes it turns out that "I can't wait to marry you" is just a reflection of inertia and societal expectations.

Listen to talaniman. Go live your life; leave yourself open to the options, and give yourself a little time as well. Jumping into a rebound relationship would not be a good thing, but meeting women, going to dinner with co-workers and so on might help you get through the transition time.

Wow, that is some awesome advice Schoolmarm! I'm going through something really heavy myself and your advice is spot on.

SentientAndroid, thanks for the compliment. If you need to talk... ;)

She hasn't yet decided what she really wants. Be there for her, but let he have the space to figure things out on her own. However, if you distract her, you will overwhelm her and she will decide that it will be a lot easier to be on her own than in a relationship.