My daughter has excluded me from my grandchildren, she rules the house and all the people who live there. She told me in 1983 that my then husband had sex with her since she was 8 years old, when she told me in 1983 she was 25 years old, why did she not tell me then, she did not invite me to her wedding told my niece if she invited me to her wedding, she my daughter said she would not go to her wedding, my grandaughter got married, my daughter asked me for £20,ooo for the wedding, I refused because it's a lot of money and with my daughters record I would not be paid back. So I was not at my grandaughters wedding.
My grandson killed himself and was found dead 3months after he went missing, and I was not at his funeral, my daughter seems to want me isolated not to have anyone as a friend, she tried to kill herself from the age of 13, and has tried many more times since, a couple of years ago she tried to kill herself, when she come out of hospital , her son tried to kill himself, went into hospital. Came home and has tried to kill himself many times, this time he did kill himself. My daughter is a dreadful liar, she has stolen from my handbag, I gave her everything , in her life always thinking that she would change, but no she will never be the daughter I would like as a friend, not even a birthday card or christmas card do I receive, not a phone call , I am nothing in her eyes why I don't deserve this from the daughter who got everything she set eyes on and wanted

It's never too late to seek psychological help from a professional. You seem to be dealing with a lot of grief, frustration, loss and unhappiness. I am not sure what your question is. I have only this to say: It's not the parent's job to become their children's friends... parents need to protect their children and must give boundaries rather than satisfying their children's wishes by giving everything they want. Granny, stop blaming your daughter for not giving you what you want or wish for. She is obviously dealing with a lot of aweful things herself. Stop accusing others and start changing your life to the better by lookng in the mirror, recognizing your own mistakes and then forgiving yourself for just being human. It won't happen by tomorrow, but it can bring you on a path of reconciliation.

Who do I accuse, you tell me to stop accusing others, what am I supposed to see when I look in the mirror, you don't know the whole story.
I did protect her, and took beatings from her father, because of her stealing , I was 17 when she was born, I did not get a book on how to bring up children, I did the best I could being a single mother working to provide for her, sending her to the best school, having her looked after while on school holidays, I never neglected her, and I cannot see your point when you say its not the parents to become their child's best friend, I was always friends with my mother and see no reason why a mother cannot be friends with her children who are you and what are you to tell me to look at my own mistakes , every one makes mistakes and you seem to have a heart of stone what makes women as hard hearted as you

I still don't understand what your original question was by writing your statement, granny567. When I say that you accuse others, I am speaking about you accusing your daughter of not giving you what you think you deserve. I can tell that you are full of anger and of course I don't know the extent of your story.
Fact is, you can not change others, only yourself, hence my suggestion for you to seek professional help to deal with all the suffering you have been through. Now what is cold hearted about that?

Swiss_Ms.B is giving adequate advice granny567. It sounds as if you are dealing with years, and years of terrible situations that are affecting you and many members of your family, is there a reason that counseling is a bad idea?